My fiance is a lovely man and he is a very gentle soul. He's a gentle person and rather quiet too. I also try my best to be a good person, but also believe that in life you have to be strong, be ambitious and be able to stand your ground. He says sometimes he feels not good enough for me and lacking in confidence. I keep telling him, no don't say that and try to boast his confidence as much as possible. However, I often feel frustrated and think 'why can't you just be a man!'. He also cries when he misses his family or if we have a disagreement. I am also worried about the kind of role model he would be if we ever had a child. Can anyone help or advise?
2007-07-31 21:53:42 · 17 answers · asked by Fluffy ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been with a similar kinda guy - and I'm with a 'man's man' now.....I wish I still had the gentle soul to tell the truth. The 'man' can start thinking he run's the show - and it's never equal with them (the gentle soul is 50 / 50 - the man is 80 / 20). I would rather a crier than an aggresive man - that's for sure.
2007-07-31 22:44:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way he's acting is his personality! The way you feel will definitely cause a problem so DO NOT GET MARRIED!
You say that your fiance is a lovely man and then you say "why can't you just be a man". That doesn't make any sense.
The most important thing right now is, are you in love with this man? I don't think the love that you're suppose to feel with a fiance, because he's obviously turning you off!
YOU CANNOT MARRY SOMEONE THAT YOU'RE NOT NATURALLY SURE OF. YOU HAVE TO BE SO IN LOVE WITH EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. YOU CANNOT WONDER OR BE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT HE MIGHT BE AS A HUSBAND OR FATHER. Do not forget, marriage is a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together, till death do you part. You better love each other mentally, emotionally and physically.
My advise to you is to just enjoy life right now, without getting married and things will naturally fall into place. Good Luck
2007-08-01 06:00:02 · answer #2 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know sometimes we gal want our men to be "manly" - but honestly, in the long run, you're better off with the sensitive guy than the butch air head. Imagine him crying when your first child is born and telling you how beautiful you are. Imagine him staying up at night trying to sort out a problem your child is having at school. Imagine someone who will be a gentle balance to your drive.
You are both great people, but you have very different personalities. That can work well - but only if you're willing to accept who they are. If it really drives you up the wall then maybe you need to think if you can put up with this for the rest of your life. Good luck!
2007-08-01 05:21:24 · answer #3 · answered by Janey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without meeting him it would be wrong for me to judge. From what you say, it sounds like you have a good balance between the both of you. He is who he is, which is a sensitive soul which is the one quality most women looks for in a man. His ability to cry and articulate how he misses his family is an endearing quality. I can think of worse role models for a child.
Celebrate who he is because you can never change him. He sounds every bit of a man.
Good luck to you
2007-08-01 05:05:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will be a sensitive dad, i think he really needs a support from someone who is close to em such as you. In my opinion if you always and always try to boost his self confindece he will be changed but still sensitve<<< that's so cute on a man for sometimes :-) i love it.
He might went through a bad childhood and that's why he has a low self confidence.....Jus be close enough to him that he believes in you completly :-) I have the same type of character...I can feel the way he feels. Good luck :-)
God bless you,
2007-08-01 04:59:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand dear, it can really be frustrating sometimes but that's the more reason you need each other. That's what marriage is all about
You need him and he needs you. Will like you to get this........A WEAKNESS IN A PARTNER IS NOT A DISQUALIFICATION FOR MARRIAGE BUT A REASON FOR MARRIAGE.
Marriage is to compliment and complete each other. The worst thing that might happend to any individual is for such to marry a perfect man/woman. There's no such thing as a perfect man or woman anyway. We only vary in our difference in weaknesses, none is without.
You also need to understand that pple change, develop and grow as times goes on. Because your fiance is like this now its not a quaranttee he's remain like that for the rest of his life.
There's a giant in each and everyone of us, You just need to touch the right buttons to awaken that giant. You don't know what lies in that man, don't give up. He needs you and you need him. That's how it works!
Cheers!!!
2007-08-01 05:46:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his lack of confidence and constant need for reassurance is already annoying you...just wait! It will only get worse. You can't fix him and may never be able to assure him enough. Sorry. I know this is a tough situation for you but TOTT. (Think on these things). Good luck!
2007-08-01 05:01:27 · answer #7 · answered by luvofrosalitas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems like a great guy.. Sensitivity in guys is probably the most unique and hardest thing to find and theres alot of girls out there being abused by their boyfriends who pray every day for a man like that. Appreciate him and learn to love him or take your chances with someone who will treat you like crap
2007-08-01 04:59:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that sound really difficult for you. relationships are hard but its good that your trying to make yours work. the best advice i can give to you is to have him see a therapist. he could go alone or with you. if you think he might be offended by suggesting that, tell him that you would like to be able to talk to him about anything and you think going to a therapist will help. tell him that you are worried and want the best for him but you two might not be able to do it alone. i know that you probably want him to open up to you instead of a total stranger, but a therapist will see his problems from a different view.
2007-08-01 05:05:06 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him you understand he is upset but he has to calm down hug him and tell him it is okay. Guys cry too, hun, it is not just women who cry. As for the thing he feels he is not good enough for you, my fiancee says that to but just always be like babe you are and i love you, and you could maybe give him a lap dance and followed by some really hot sex and whisper in his ear i want you, you turn me on, you know what want, etc... you get the point.
2007-08-01 05:00:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋