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Question

In land of my expressions.
I wish grow here not only flowers,
Thorns too won’t annoy me.
Drains too would flow through it,
Not only pious river.

I don’t’ wish to have,
Only milk sucking lips common here,
Let the fact of death be accepted just as the other.

Rather

I intend to bend the thorns, to be
Protectors of fragrance.
I imagine drains, to be
Carriers of carcasses
I would look up to death, to be
Refiners for old and odds.

And Then

I imagine a land,
Where flowers would blossom
And rivers with royal flow;
With feeds of such nourishing milk-
Let my land grow.

Answer 1

Hello, friend,

I wrote a lot as a youngster (under forty), and now I'm a linguist and an ESL teacher with about as much aesthetic sense as Eddie Rickenbacker. So I will stick to what I know a little about... grammar. Please see my editorial comments, inserted into your text, below.


In THE land of my expressions.(NO PERIOD HERE)
I wish THERE TO grow here not only flowers, (BETTER: I DO NOT ONLY WISH FOR FLOWERS TO GROW)
Thorns too won’t annoy me.
Drains (WORD CHOICE? DO YOU MEAN 'STREAMS'? OR 'SEWERS', PERHAPS) too would flow through it,
Not only A pious river.

I don’t’ (SPELL!) wish to have (DON'T WISH TO HAVE WHAT?),
Only milk sucking lips common here, (SOUNDS REALLY STRANGE, POSSIBLY VULGAR)
Let the fact of death be accepted just as the other (THE OTHER WHAT?).

Rather

I intend to bend the thorns, to be
THE Protectors (STRANGE FOR YOU TO REFER TO YOURSELF IN THE PLURAL!) of fragrance.
I imagine drains, to be
Carriers of carcasses
I would look up to death, to be
Refiners (SAME COMMENT: DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU ARE THE 'REFINERS'? WHY PLURAL REFERENCE TO YOURSELF?)
for old and odds (VERY ODD... DO YOU MEAN, 'FOR THE OLD AND THE ODD'?)

And Then

I imagine a land,
Where flowers would blossom
And rivers with royal flow;
With feeds of such nourishing milk- (VERY CONFUSING: DO YOU MEAN SOMETHING LIKE, 'WHICH NOURISHES THE LAND WITH ITS MILK'?)
Let my land grow.

Answer 2

Your poem suggest your feeling but my dear friend the life is a stage where you have to play your role in the reality , you want the place where ideals become reality before you , but don't forget every coin has two sides and every dark cloud has a sliver line , so try to make this earth as you want but don't expect the same from others.

Answer 3

And, may the land be the land of flowing milk and honey! You have a very positive attitude, and talent to express that in poetry! Very good!

Answer 4

Good. I like the breaks in it. Reminds of song though Metal or bluesy in a way where the breaks would either be screamed or harmonzied by the band.

Answer 5

I like it very much, keep going on. I suggest the title for your beautiful poem:-

MY DREAM LAND

Answer 6

Nice enough. What's the title of the poem?

Answer 7

Great
Awesome
You've put great effort into writing this.It conveys the message of determination.
WELL DONE
KEEP WRITING
CHEERS TO A BUDDING POET!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Yes you can be a good writer

Answer 9

Makes no sense to me.

I see what you are attempting to say but your meaning is lost.

Keep working.
Peace,
Sam
PS - Just my opinion

Answer 10

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII THE BEST THING ABOUT POETRY IS THAT IT IS PUTTING OUR IMAGINATION AND CREATIVE THOUGHTS ON THE PAPER IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
THE BEST POET I FEEL IS HENRY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH ..............................................
THE POEM I LIKE THE MOST IS

""""""""A PSALM OF LIFE"""""""""
WHAT DO YOU FEEL HOWS IT??????????????