What do you do when you dont want to sleep in same bed as you hubby?

Question

What do you do when you dont want to sleep in same bed as you hubby?
since he cheated i dont want him to touch me are sleep in the same bed. i forgave hin yet i cant let him touch me
it been since dec and we talked about it alot. but i cant over. he was overseas meet her om the internet had her come down when he got back. on the days for me and are kids. but he told me got no time but was with her. i want to make it work but i still truly feel he wants her not me.

Answer 1

Honestly, and I know you say you want to make it work, but I think you need to let it go.

You said that you have forgiven him but don't want him touching you. Well, are you just saying you forgave him because that's what you think you should say? It's okay if you haven't forgiven him. It's okay if you can't forgive him. It's okay if you don't WANT to forgive him. There is so much stigma in society over people who don't immediately up and forgive someone who did something really wrong to them. As if a person that is in pain or hurt and doesn't pretend as if nothing ever happened there is something wrong with them. What he did was wrong! Using time that his work gave him to see his family but seeing her instead and lying to you about not getting the time at all was WRONG!!!

Let me ask you this...what has HE done to earn your trust, love and forgiveness? Has he DONE anything to atone for his betrayal? Lying to you about where he was and chosing this person over you and your kids, HIS kids, is not something to take lightly.

I guess what I'm saying is this...fixing this marriage shouldn't be a you thing. He needs to make amends. I'll be willing to bet that you only found out because you caught him. Maybe you caught a bill/receipt left around, caught him talking to her or worse. I don't know. But I get the feeling that he didn't feel so badly for what he had done that he came clean. Therefore, I would guess that's why you feel he wants her and not you. Am I right?

If I am right, I honestly think you should think about getting out and moving on. I say this because if he had to be caught to end the affair (if it's over) that says something about who he is. It's sad, I know. But, unfortunately, sometimes people do things to one another that sever so deeply that wounds just cannot be sown back up. And it's not the victims fault at all.

You are NOT to blame for what he did. It was his choice. It's been since December. That's seven months. Seven months is a LONG time to spend living the way you have. You need to honestly think about the situation and be HONEST with yourself. If you haven't really forgiven it is okay. No one will think poorly of you because you haven't forgiven him deep down. It's him that people will be and are disgusted with. I'm disgusted with him and I don't know him. So, be honest with yourself first and then you need to talk to him. If it's counseling you choose, fine. But, honestly, and maybe it's just me, that doubt will be there forever in your head.

No one can tell you what to do. All anyone can do is listen and give advice. Take care.

Answer 2

Then you haven't really forgiven him. Maybe the problem is yours? Go back to the beginning, relive the hate, furry and sadness(all of the emotions) involved with his cheating, work through it again (not with one of your girlfriends, maybe with a counselor) and discard the negative emotions. Then worry about your husband. Until then stay in another room, or have him sleep in the other room until your mind is right or you make another decision.

My wife was angry with me for some other reason (I don't cheat) and didn't want to be in the same bed as me. When I finally figured out what was wrong and we discussed it, then it was like flipping a switch, she moved back to my bed and now we wake up cuddling every morning again like newlyweds. Until that happened I just had to show kindness and patience until she worked through her issue with me.

I for one hate divorce, and it sounds to me like thats not what you want, but the lack of physical contact over the long term will do one of two things. It will either destroy your marriage by making him seek physical comfort somewhere else (cheat again) or it will create such heartache and trouble between the two of you that one or both of you will throw up your hands and say "I quit!" Either way the marriage will be over, so I emplore you to fix it as fast as possible. A marriage without physical intimacy is not having a spouse, its having a roommate.

Answer 3

you cant change how you feel, and maybe you really shouldnt. i know that if someone i loved cheated on me, no matter how much i tried to make it work, it'd fall apart, because there'd always be some part of me that would never get over that. i'd always feel hurt, anytime something bad happened between us i'd be thinking of that moment again. and if a person is capable of doing that once, i'd never fully trust them again.

you can forgive a person, but that doesnt mean that things will go back to being the same. i hate to say it, but it might not ever work out, and you might be better off just telling him that you're not willing to go back to how it was.

the thought of someone cheating on me.... and then wanting to sleep in my bed..... it makes me feel like i have bugs under my skin.

i wouldnt trust that person with a bucket full of piss, let alone to be my partner in life.

if you dont feel like you can get past it after all this time, and you feel like he wants to be with her... i'd tell him to leave if i were you.

Answer 4

Seek marital counseling. How can you say you've forgiven him if you don't want him to touch you? Forgiveness for cheating will probably take a long time to happen, if ever. I'm sorry for you're going through. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you are not able to allow him to touch you, then you have not forgiven him, yet. You are still incredibly angry. And I don't blame you. Honestly, I think your issues are bigger than most of us on Answers can answer. Perhaps you could talk to a marriage counselor or clergyman to help you forgive. I am so sorry for your circumstance. Personally, I don't think I could ever forgive. You are a bigger person than I am for trying.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

It hard to be in that spot where you know their with you but thinging of some one else, and that makes it even harder to even feel them breath next to you, my advice is move on let him see what he is letting go, trust me He will recognize!

Answer 7

its hard to get it out of youre head but if you love him youre gonna have too. and you forgived him then you need to get it out of youre head and not think about it no more and think about yalls future not the past ! it happened to me and my husband and i forgived him and we have been happy since and sure i thought about it alot after but i knew if i forgived him then i needed to get it out of my head and move on with him and be happy or else i would loose him forever

Answer 8

My ex left our bed and I was very hurt.
It was another woman.
Needless to say, we got divorced and it was me who left him. He tried to come together with me soon thereafter, and I wouldn't hear of it.
Would I do it again? Hell no, I would have listened more and been more patient. Too late he is married to her now and have 2 kids, and it was my 'ego' that got in the way.
Maybe things would have turned out differently had I been more mature.

Answer 9

I sleep on the couch, as i will be tonight

Answer 10

you havent forgot how he hurt you and you never will and i cant blame you really he.s sorry he do it again and you always see this as what he did to you . my opion?