I am not able to adjust to so many people in the house.?

Question

My in laws and us started living together last month. somhow, i am not able to adjust to so many people in the house. I feel my husband and i don't have time together, etc. Nothing in the house feels like my own except for my wardrobe. i am working and it is actually a boon for me to be away from household stuff. But all the same, the fact that the 2 of us are far from being the 2 of us just keeps bothering me.small things irritate me.This has even started affecting how i feel about my husband. Don't feel like talking to him anymore.In fact,now i just can't wait to rush to work and drown myself in it.I have got into a mode where i feel my husband doesn't have me on his priority list and cannot care less about me.Deep down inside i know i am wrong, but am not able to block the thought out of my head.Am depressed, angry, sad, everything.My inlaws are nice people and have also noticed the change in me.am quiet at home,don't talk much to anyone. But yes,am polite &nice to everyone

we started living with them, because my FIL retired and has settled down where we stay. So we live in their house. Also, my husband does take care to spend time with me. He is conscious of my feelings, have discussed with him. But the mofre we talk, the more depressed i get. I dunno why... i agree my head is all screwed up. :( :( :(

we got married 5 months ago, and we moved in together a month ago.

we got married 5 months ago, and we moved in together a month ago. i do appreciate the fact that the house is not my responsibility, but all the same, i don't wanna feel like a guest who can't even lay the table or put away the dishes.The whole routine that my husband and i had when we were alone is messed up..

Answer 1

Well, perspective is going to be crucial here. I can understand how out of control you must feel and how annoying it is to share a household. The first thing you want to think about is why you're in this situation - who moved in where and why. If this is temporary and you're working towards a goal, try to maintain your sanity and keep your eye on the prize. Providing, of course, that the pursuit of this prize doesn't compromise your marriage. Your marriage is the most important issue at hand - assuming that you don't have children. If you do, their sanity comes first in order to minimize any damage that they'll experience as adults because of this. If you're doing this to help someone out, then remember that your marriage / immediate family is number one and if something or one from the outside (in-laws count as outsiders) is interfering with this or them, then they should go.

Most importantly, talk to your husband without it being a complaint and tell him how you feel. It's not that you want him to solve the problem but you want him to understand where you're coming from so that he won't take quiet nights personally (you know, when you don't feel like talking. That said, be patient with him also because this is likely just as hard on him.

Additional: Someone on here mentioned a date night. This is an excellent idea. It doesn't have to cost anything if finances are a factor. Go for long walks. Head over to your local bookstore, strip-mall, whatever, and just walk around or sit and enjoy each other's company. Good luck and God bless!

I just read your additional details. Because your marriage is brand new, it is really important that you live alone. You're getting to know each other as a married couple and it is very difficult to live with others during this time frame. God knows that marriage is very difficult on it's own at the beginning let alone adding family members into the equation. Honestly, if you can find a way to live with only each other, you should really consider doing it. Remember to respect each other and not misplace anger upon each other. You are a team, a dynamic duo and nothing should come between you.

Answer 2

Tell your husband calmly and openly everything you just wrote. Communicate with your partner. Perhaps, he is not aware you feel this way and it is not fair that you keep this from him. A relationship is based on open and honest communication--at least a healthy one is. He will understand and your relationship will be better for it. You two love each other enough to get married so try to work on a solution together. Also, if they are kind and understanding people, talk to your inlaws. communicate how you feel and see what their response is. Whatever you do, do not get angry, annoyed or irritated. this leads to arguing. when people argue they no longer talk to each other but talk at each other. this creates animosity and enemies. it will not help you resolve this situation peacefully. good luck.

more details: time to talk to your husband about moving out and being an adult. He's not 16 and living at home anymore. your married and need to start living like responsible adults.

Answer 3

Not knowing the reason why you have started all living together it makes it somewhat hard to give advice.

You need to sit down with your husband and plan some evening where the two of you can get out of the house and have some quality time. Get a weekly "date" night going. If you can afford it, a night away at a hotel once a month so you can reconnect.

Answer 4

You did not mention the circumstances that have brought all of you together under one roof. Are you a newly-married couple? Are you trying to save money for your own house? Is this arrangement temporary?

Since this is really affecting you to the extent it has, a good, long talk with your husband may help. First off, it will explain your behavior to him and not leave him confused. Together you may be able to come up with solutions to the problem. Perhaps he can help by providing entertaining diversions for the both of you such as more frequent "get-away" weekends.

Hang in there. Good luck!

Answer 5

Where are you living? I live with my in-laws but if it was in a regular home in the USA I would not be happy about it.

in Dubai where I live our homes are made so that all of us have our own "suites" meaning we have our own bedroom, a decent sized living room and bathroom. Then we have the shared rooms like the kitchen, the family room/women's room, and the formal room/men's room (when it is not family, the men and women separate.)

so because I have my own living room where I have a couch, TV and internet access, I have privacy to watch TV and browse the web etc... I don't have just the bedroom as my privacy so I feel ok about the living arrangement. But if I was in the US, the bedroom/bathroom (and many of the homes a few have to share a bathroom) would be the only place I would have privacy and I wouldn't want to hang out in just a bedroom all day if I want privacy.

I am guessing you are living in a home where only your bedroom is the place you have some privacy.... and if you wanted to have a living room you would have to use the one the whole family uses?

Perhaps you should sit with your husband and discuss a plan you can both come up with. Tell yourself and your husband you are really going to try and make this work.... and you never know.. maybe you will start to feel comfortable living with them, and that you won't feel like you have to live by their "rules" (I know I felt it when I first moved in with my in-laws... that I couldn't make any decisions in the rest of the home so I stayed in my suite a lot... but after a while I really was really a part of the household where I feel comfortable voicing out decisions about home stuff.) Set a deadline, like maybe 6 months for you to reasonably try to see if it can work. But have your husband come to an agreement that if you are still not comfortable with the living arrangements, the both of you will get an apartment, or buy a home if you both can afford one.

talk to your husband about the compromises both of you have to make for this marriage to work. You are making a huge compromise by living with his parents and if its just not working, he has to compromise and find a place for the two of you... and if there are nice places near your in-law's home, tell him you will be more than happy to move to a place close by, so that the two of you can easily visit whenever you feel like it.

now, if you and your husband can come up with an agreement like this, make sure you are really trying to make things work. Don't just sit everyday daydreaming about the day you move out. If your husband is going to be fair enough to make this agreement, then be fair enough to really try with this living arrangement.

is six months a long time? sure it feels like it when you are going through something you don't like, but it isn't an eternity. I think it is a fair enough length of time to test the waters.

whether or not you end up moving out, make sure you are doing your best to be "friends" with your in-laws. ask your mother-in-law to teach you your husband's favorite dishes, or any special family recipes she has etc... (i dunno if she is the type that cooks... but if not find other things you can ask her to teach you)... stuff like that... don't be so stand-off-ish that if you do end up moving out, that it doesn't end on any bad feelings.

Answer 6

How old are you guys? Living with in-laws will ruin your marriage.
I sold my last house to buy a new one with my in-laws, to put both of our $ together($125K each) to buy the new one. I sold my home 1st, then he sold his at a discount, but still made enough to put down. when he moved in, he keeped stalling about the $. then he told me he doesn't want to put down his $. So I told him he betrayed my family and has to move out. it's been a year and He'll eventually loose his home he bought (overpriced in the nieghborhood)after he moved out.

Answer 7

You are to newly weds to be living together like a Brady bunch. In order for you guys to work out you need to adapt to each other before you start adapting with others...

Answer 8

Time for them to move out.

Answer 9

time for you and him to move out or it may end up in court. get out now to save both of your lives. and have a good one.

Answer 10

You two need your own place, I would never live like this.