Mother in Law problem?

Question

I have been with my husband for 10 yeras. About a year ago, we separated because he cheated on me... since then we worked out or problems and decided to make our marriage work. We went to a marriage counselor and it has done wonders for us.

Well, to make a long story short... a cople of days before my husband and I got back together my mother in law called me to insult me over the fact that i wouldn't let her take my 2 young toddlers to Disney without their father. She started going off on me, and saying how my husband should have left me years before and that the only reason he cheated on me was because I was a horrible wife and he was only with me because of our children. She went as far as saying she was going to call HRS on me....

Of course, i didn't stay quiet. I gave her a piece of my mind before telling her that my children would never go to her house again without their father or I would call the cops and accuse her of kidnapping. (i have always allowed my children

to spend quality time with his parents)

well, we haven't spoken in months and it's really hurting my husband....

what should i do? should i appologize even though she called me and insulted me?

i do let the kids go over.... i think they should still have a relationship with their grandparents.
we are not in speaking terms. and it's a pain during holidays.

the reason i didn't let her take the kids to disney was because first, it was in our m agreement for both sides. second, she is 70 years old... she's in good health and she does a good job of watching the kids but there are thousands of people at disney. they would be away by themeselves with her and he husband who is even older, for a week. i thought it was in my children's best safety interest.

Answer 1

NO. as long as you let the lil ones be a part of her life ( and dont let them hear the way you feel) then you owe her NOTHING. :) been thru it before...

Answer 2

You could sit down with her and apologize for your outburst but don't mention hers.
You can explain the facts of the matter and stress that your children's safety always comes first, even before any consideration for her and she probably would agree that is how it should be. But tell her that it is that fact that you should have stressed instead of blowing up at her.
Don't mention her blowing up at all. Consider it forgotten and don't say a word about it. Leave that to her, if she chooses.
The facts of the matter won't matter. What will matter is that you extended a hand to try to make up.
If after doing that, she remains a beeyatch, then your husband will just have to put up with the non-speaking holidays. You will have given it a chance and that's all that matters.
Good luck! She sounds like she was overwrought and thown by the whole cheating thing shaking up your marriage. She can hardly defend your husband's cheating and she just feels weird about it and wants to make you look bad. But she probably doesn't want to live like this either.

Answer 3

I would just apologies for an easier life. You've given your husband a second chance, give her one too. Do it for your children's sake. it's not fair on them because you're putting them in the middle of your arguments, they must be picking up on all the tension between you all.
Ask if you could meet up for a chat and explain your feelings. She may just feel hurt that you didn't trust her to take your children away on holiday. Me, personally would feel the same. I wouldn't want anyone other than my husband taking my children away from home. Especially so far without you. if you sit and talk to her properly it may make her feel better and understand you a little. I think you need to start getting on other wise this will put pressure on your relationship with your husband. Good luck and I hope my advice will help you

Answer 4

There are two issues here. 1. you not allowing your kids to go to Disney. She needs to realize that even in good health Disney is not easy to do at 70 with young kids, the mobs of people, the heat, and also she should have talked it over with her son and he could have discussed it with you.

2nd. She had no right to voice her op ion of you as a wife because she did not get her way or was Disney and excuse to call and start drama. Let her take the kids to a local amusement park. I am sure there are some with in reason.

Also I would tell your hubby that you are not looking to start battling her however, the issue of him cheating is a sore spot,
you are trying to work on your marriage with him and would like him to set his mom straight as she is not happy about the two of you getting back together. Bottom line is he would not have gone to counseling if he did not want to be with you. Most men don't do counseling as you know. Forget her and work on him. If she wants to see the kids I would let him take them over to see her and when she apologizes I would then go. If you let her walk all over you she will continue. He needs to tell her to apologize to you and then you can apologize to her.
Good Luck.

Answer 5

No you do not apologize!! This woman had no right to speak to you that way. You were put through enough by the problem your husband dealt you let alone that his mother believed you deserved it! I would not want a woman around my kids that had no respect for her grand childrens mother. She is the one that owes you the apology here! She acted out because she did not get her way and....... now that you truly know how she feels about you I would stay away from her. I would never trust this lady around my kids after threatening to call HRS. My husband would be free to visit her any time he wanted but I would not go myself. As far as the children I would let them choose to be in her life when they became of age and my husband would have to learn to live with it .....just as I had to learn to live with what I was dealt! I am sorry but you did not deserve to be disrespected by any of them Best wishes and take care.

Answer 6

that is an old thing, trouble with the mother in law.

I think every marriage has that problem sooner or later. but the truth is she should have never did what she did. and your husband should realize this, and too, he should be angry at his Mom for doing such a thing. If he is not, that brings up the question, does he side in with his Mom?

but I would not give in. because, once you give in to something like this, it will keep happening all threw your marriage.

Stand your ground, if it were up to me. the children would not even be permitted to visit with them until, I got an apology from her. for if they do she will fill she has won, this. and got what she wants, your husband and children, without you.

but that is up to you.
the reason I say, this is because I do not like to stick my nose into other peoples, personal problems. but I will if it means to help someone.

but remember, everyone has Mother in law problems. it took my wife and Mom. about 15 years to start getting along.

Answer 7

Someone has to be the bigger person here - there were a lot of raw feelings when the two of you separated - and I don't exactly understand why you wouldn't let her take the kids to disney...if you let the kids visit her house, she can't be an unfit person - but that is moot now.

Yes, suck it up and talk to her, tell her just like you have with her son, you want to put the past in the past and be a family again...if you are still seeing the marriage counselor, offer to have her come to a session or two to work out your differences neutrally if necessary.

Answer 8

i have got to be honest. she should apologize. but she won't. women like that never do anything wrong.
how long do you think you and your husband will last together? are you in it for the long haul? especially more then 10 years? if so, apologize to her. she won't live longer then your marriage. suck up the pride. explain your reason (not that she will really care or respect) and then leave it at that.
you will have won points with your husband for trying at the very least.
next time she gets under your skin....ask her if she is done, don't respond or give your opinion, just hang up or walk away.

Answer 9

First of all, I live with mine. And I'm here to say, grin and bear it. She, like yours, says the most horrible things, all the way to "I wish you were dead"!
Bottom line is, they both are getting old, thus their mouths run without any hesitation. Their brains don't work so well anymore, thus are over opinionated.
Your mate will defend them to the end of time.

Deal with it, its just how it's going to be, PERIOD!

Just treat everything they say as if it were coming from a 2yr old, and FORGET IT!! For if you don't it will poison and destroy you. Believe me, it is the only way. Impose all the restrictions you wish to, but don't get upset and fuel their rage. They have nothing to do all day but think of ways to ruin your life. And that's all they do. They are spoiled little baby's, no one ever says boo to.

Bottom line is, calmly impose all your restrictions on her for every rotten thing she says. After that, let it go. If you don't, she will RUIN your life!

Answer 10

You did the right thing by giving your mother-in-law your piece of mind.

The problem is your husband....he does not have the back bone to do the right thing.

You protect the children and make sure that they are well taken care of. If the husband still has problems ....undortunately divorce is an option.

Answer 11

She is the one who should apologize. She should never have talked to you that way and you were right not letting your children go without your husband. And be careful she will be causing you many problems in the future. Good luck.