My husbands old girlfriend from before we were married?

Question

has started to come around and getting very friendly with my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law brings her to family parties and introduced her as my husbands ex-girlfriend. They talk alot and act like they are the best of friends. I told my husband that it makes me feel uncomfortable and a little embarrased. He told me that I was being silly and that it was his mothers bussiness.
What do you think?

Answer 1

This is messed up.

And okay, the woman is old enough to make her own decisions, obviously. So if she wants to be friends with his ex, then okay...you can't stop that. Is it awkward? of course...is it an ideal situation? of course not....but you can't tell your mother in law who she can and cannot be friends with.

That being said, it is WAAAAAY out of line for her to not consider your or your husband's feelings in this....AND she shouldn't be introducing her to people as his ex-girlfriend. They have no attachment now....she can be whatever her name is, and your mother in law she called her *a friend*

Your husband should definitely talk to her about it. But maybe he doesn't understand where YOU are coming from. Maybe try to better help him understand?

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Here is a thought... ask your husband one day if you can invite and ex-boyfriend over for dinner at the next gathering. See hat the response from him will be. If he asks why or gets upset, then tell him that he is just being silly and it shouldn't bother him. After, having his ex-girlfriend at you family outings shouldn't bother you. Maybe then he will understand how you feel. As far as the mother-in-law goes, she is free to invite anyone she wants, but then so are you. Find out the name of her husband's ex-girlfriend and when she plans another family gathering, tell her you are going to invite that person to come too. When you get a stir from her, then tell her that you would appreciate it if she did not bring your husband's ex to the gatherings. Explain that you don't care if she is friends with her as that is her business but just as having her husbands ex there would make her uncomfortable, you would her having your husband's ex there make you uncomfortable. Sometimes,.just expressing a discontent isn't enough. You actually have to show the person just how selfish their actions are by fighting fire with fire. Be aware though, making a stand for yourself with the hubby and his mother could cause some conflict and you have to prepare yourself for it. Also understand that your husband married you, not his ex. So handle the situation with care and when you make them angry, stay calm. Don't fuel the anger with more anger as the only things that will matter is the loud words, and the point does not get across.

Answer 3

Sit your husband down and express your feelings on the situation firmly yet lovingly and let him know how uncomfortable it makes you and you would appreciate it if he would talk to his mother about it. If he loves you the way he should as a husband and friend he will support you in this. Other than that, if you felt comfortable enough you could discuss the matter with your mother-in-law directly but I would go the other way first. Also, bear in mind if she was to show up to a family function at your home you do have the right to ask her to leave and if she doesn't you can have her escorted off. I would. Stand your ground and continue to let your husband know how it makes you feel. If he continues to tell you your being silly then I would re-examine the strength of my marriage. Oh, and it really is your business as well since you are at family functions too. Best of luck to ya.

Answer 4

Dont get possessive. Shes the ex and your the wife. If you have to put it in competitive terms you are the winner. She may have a good relationship with the mother-in-law and maybe your husband too. So what. He married you shes just an old girlfriend. If he doesnt mind her being around thats a good thing because if you think he might still have the hots for her trust me he would keep you two apart because he knows you would be able to sense something going on. I do understand how you feel of course but just let it go.

Answer 5

How RUDE! Your husband needs to put a stop to this right now! I don't care if you're being silly, stupid, or if you're absolutely right- no matter what that man is your husband and he needs to be behind you always. He has to have your back. If he doesn't than who will? You need to demand the respect you deserve. Tell your mother in law you think it's rude, YOU are his wife now. You made vows and to bring her to FAMILY things when she's not family? What's she trying to prove here? When there's a family function or something else that she's going to be there, don't go- I mean you AND him. Make sure everyone knows that if she's going to disrespect you, you and your husband will stay home. If they want to be decent and respectful of their SON'S wife, then fine. Put your foot down and tell him he needs to show everyone that he's on your side. He will if he's truly in love with you.

Answer 6

Sometimes the ex girlfriend gets along better the guys mother than she does with the guy. If you are secure in your marriage and your husband's attention stays on you, don't worry too much about it. You need to speak to your mother in law and ask her why she must invite her to family gatherings. If your mother in law is hosting these events, then you either need to put up with it or not attend.

Answer 7

I think your husband should support the fact that you have feelings and if you get along with your mother in law I think you should explain how you feel to her as well just so you can let all parties involved know your feelings now I think after it's all said and done i think you should see how your husband acts around her and see if anything in him changes as well just to see if your not over reacting because that may be how they feel if you see that he is acting differently you can again bring it to his attention but on a different level and that would be trust and if he truely is honest about his vows he would understand where your coming from

Answer 8

This is definitely a tough one. You do have a right to be concerned. Your mother-in-law is behaving rather out of the norm. Your boyfriend needs to agree with you because you have every reason to be concerned. Tell him that if he doesn't get on your side and talk to his mom about this, it will be difficult to continue with this relationship if he is not able to back you up. All he has to do is tell his mom that you are uncomfortable. That is that. She should be able to work with both of you, not against you. You both have to talk to his mom and explain to her that you feel uncomfortable. If she argues with that, your husband should still be backing you up. Bring some other relatives into this as well. See how they can help. Good luck.

Answer 9

I too have been married a very long time. As we get older we more frequently remember past times when we were younger and happier. Perhaps your husband is reaching out to her as a means of recapturing his youth. My wife received a letter from an old boyfriend asking her to contact him and I encouraged her to do it. She wrote him a letter but he never responded. The message I was trying to deliver to my wife is that I trusted her. If she had run off with him I would have been better off than living with a woman who did not love me. Perhaps your husband needs a little more freedom and a lot more trust from you. You might remind him that you love him but if he wants his freedom he can have it but this time there will be no coming home.

Answer 10

I say your mother in law can be friends with whomever she chooses, HOWEVER to bring the ex to a family party is beyond insensitive!! Your husband needs to tell his mother not to bring her to family functions. It makes me wonder why the monster-in-law is trying to rub your face in it. Are you on good terms with her? Maybe you should try to make her your friend. Whatever she chooses to do, rise above it in front of the family and pretend that it doesn't bother you. It will be a helluva lot less fun if they don't get a reaction out of you.

Good luck!