We were seperated for 16 mos. 10 mos. ago, he moved back in. He sleeps on the couch, he is comfortable there. We initially seperated because things came up and there were some trust issues. He says he doesn't know why he can't sleep in the bed with me, he is comfortable on the couch. Today, I asked him about our sleeping arrangements and he acted like it may be this way indefinitely. He asked " what if I tell you it is going to be this way forever?" I replied that I would have to decide if I could live like this forever. His comment was " well, go ahead and decide because today is the day." I feel he needs to figure out what the issues are and lets work on them. We have been to 2 different counseling programs. Am I asking too much of my husband? We have been together for 16 years in December. Besides this we actually get along very good.
2007-07-31 12:37:04 · 18 answers · asked by afs16 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you must discuss him or something. Are either he wants to be with someone else and feels like he would be cheating on her if he slept with you.
2007-07-31 12:44:27 · answer #1 · answered by regina 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can't pretend to know what your going through. I will tell you about a friend though. My friend was married for over twelve years. Things started going bad around the 8/9 year, at that time he started sleeping on the couch. He wanted out of the marriage but financially could not leave. He has four children and was going to wait until they were all at least teenagers. But with him sleeping on the couch for 4 years things just got worse and they finally split.
You say you "get along" other than the sleeping arrangement. The only thing I can suggest is asking your husband if there is anything at all bothering him. Maybe he has a form of ED and doesn't want to look less masculine in your eyes. In which case you could look up information for him to understand he's not the only one, it could be medical and easily "fixable".
Anyway, just my thoughts rambling on... guess I could be way off base, in which case I apologize if I have offended you.
2007-07-31 12:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by curious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually I sleep in a different bed (different room) than my husband most of the time as we both sleep so different. He has chronic back pain and is always moving around. Plus he snores. He also has a chronic cough. So even though I only sleep about 5 hrs a night at least I GET some sleep. (The dogs sleep with me!) You're situation is different but I'm sure things will work out, especially if thats your only problem. You know more couples than you think sleep seperately, it's not like you still can't have sex. I've been married 30+ years, and we are both fine with how we sleep. It's nobody's business anyway !
2007-07-31 14:00:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that there is one of two things happening here. The first scenerio is that your husband has a lot of issues that he isn't dealing with. They could be manifesting this way. If he is holding a lot of anger and resentment towards you, he maybe feels like sleeping in your bed is too intimate. He won't be able to feel intimacy like this until he works through his pain.
The second scenerio is that he really is more comfortable on the couch. Was it hard for the two of you when you did sleep together? Was he sleeping well then? When he moved out, he maybe got use to having his own space. Talk to him about this and see what he says. One solution could be to have two twin beds that you can place next to eachother. This actually helps to make you feel like you have space.
2007-07-31 12:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Why can't my husband sleep in the same bed as me?
We were seperated for 16 mos. 10 mos. ago, he moved back in. He sleeps on the couch, he is comfortable there. We initially seperated because things came up and there were some trust issues. He says he doesn't know why he can't sleep in the bed with me, he is comfortable on the couch....
2015-08-23 04:59:02 · answer #5 · answered by Flower 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all ''Besides this we actually get along very good,'' is a very big issue. Sleeping together and the intimacy that comes from it and is exhibited through it is paramount for a married couple who are living together. 16 years means nothing if there is no agreement among you. If he is unwilling to even sleep with you that speaks volume. Pray and seek God's wisdom about your situation. There is something very wrong with what he is telling you. As your "husband" he hasn't the right to deny you intimacy except for extreme circumstances. Did he come back on his own accord or did you coerce him. He may have not wanted to come back and this is a display of his discontent with you and this union. Pray about it and if you need to let go then let go. God bless you.
2007-07-31 12:50:04 · answer #6 · answered by kyle g 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he needs to let what happen go if there is going to be a chance !!! and until he does well then i am afraid that is how is going to be. trust is a very touchy thing it's pretty easy to trust someone you love but once that is broken it is hell getting it back maybe moving in was too soon but if he strongly feels like this is the way well it easy then let him go i know you don't want to hear that it is easier to believe maybe it would change it and it could if his feeling and attitude change but i would tell right now its not really worth the time untill he lets go of the pass.....good luck
2007-07-31 15:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by jessi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you don't trust what he tells you, don't make a big deal out of it. Maybe you're not easy to sleep with. I stopped sleeping with my wife (now ex) the last 6 years we were married and it was great. She snored and sweat like a pig, liked to listen to stuff while I was trying to sleep, was hot when I was cold and vice versa. It was such a relief to finally get some real rest again!! Once I got a taste of what I was missing, I wasn't going back. Sure she took it personal, but I had to do what was best for me.
2007-07-31 13:08:52 · answer #8 · answered by puffin733 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, sounds like some serious resentment on his part and he's just back because it's a cheap place to live. You guy's need counseling to work this out.
2007-07-31 13:03:36 · answer #9 · answered by buffaloblkguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, you poor thing. THat must be so hard for you? Perhaps trust is an issue? Sometimes counseling can help a lot in a relationship, especially one in which two people are committed to making the relationship work. Oh, I am so sad for you.
2007-07-31 12:50:27 · answer #10 · answered by Janet M 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He won't sleep in the same bed as you? Time to kick him to the curb. If he wants the relationship to work out, he will sleep in the same bed as you. You can't live like that forever. Do yourself a favor and divorce him.
2007-07-31 12:41:44 · answer #11 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋