Keep my maiden name?

Question

Im really struggling with this decision. I love my fiance and I know he's the one for me and I definatly want a family with him. However, I just can't bring myself to change my name. The marriage feels totally right but changing my name feels wrong. I like his last name but I just don't think it would feel like "me". My name reflects my heritage and it's been my identity for 24 years. My fiancee would prefer that I take his name (mostly so I would have the same last name as our children) but he's okay with me keeping my maiden name if that's what I want. When people ask me what my "new name" will be and I say I'm considering keeping my maiden name, some people are horrified and act like its totally wrong and offensive. Would it be THAT bad to keep my maiden name? Anyone have any other solutions? Similar situations? (Hyphonating is not an option, both our names are long and it sounds silly).

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with keeping your own name. People who give you horrified looks are living in the dark ages. You are NOT just a small extension of your husband ( Do you know how annoyed I feel receiving mail addressed to " Mrs. Bob Smith" ?)
If you like your own name because you identify with it then you should by all means keep it. When I got married I made the point to my husband on this subject by asking him how he would feel about changing to my name instead. I got the "Are you smoking crack? Why would I want to do that?" look. I told him that was how I felt about changing my name too!
Also, I don't mean to be a party pooper but in this day and age marriages come and go ( sometimes 2 or 3 times sadly) but your family is yours forever and ever.
In the end my only advice is to do what you feel is right and don't worry about what insurance people, kids school teachers, bank tellers, telemarketers on the phone and other moderate strangers think. Most people are in and out of your life rather quickly but wherever YOU go there YOU are. Always be yourself and have a happy marriage!!

Answer 2

If you feel that strongly about it, keep your maiden name. Those "horrified" people will just have to adapt. It's so common these days for (1) a woman to not change her name; or (2) an unmarried to have children, that a man and woman having different last names is totally fine. I'm guessing that the horrified people are probably members of your fiance's family. I wish I had kept my last name. I changed it because my husband wanted me to, and because a woman I knew at the time told me it was easier for the kids (she was married w/ kids and hadn't changed her name). I feel like I've totally lost my identity and a bit of my connection with my family and heritage. Stick to your guns.

Answer 3

I am very close to my father and felt funny about changing my name as well. I decided to make my maiden name my middle name and legally dropped my old one. I feel that it was enough of a compromise for me. Every woman I have ever talked to has said they are glad they changed their name and/or wish that they had. It causes a great deal of confusion when your last name differs from your children. Many times people will assume you are not married or divorced when you are older if you do not have the same name as your child. This will always result in explaining that you chose to keep your maiden name. You are only 24. You might as well change it. You have much more life ahead of you than behind you. If you were 54 I might say not to do it but I think you should.

Answer 4

I think that if this person is "the one" then why not take his name, you will be with him much longer than the 24 years you have had your maiden name, Why wouldn't you want to Honor him, think of it as a wedding gift. Many people put their maiden name as the middle name. Wouldn't you want "your" family (children) to have the same last name, People will think you are a single parent or divorced.

It is your choice but you have to really think if you want to spend your life correcting people about your name or explaining that you married but decided to keep your maiden name, and the kids will also ask why you don't have their last name.

I LOVED my last name it was AWESOME and I struggled with changing my last name to my husbands which I didn;t really like, but I think that it showed my husband that I honor him, and as time grew on I am used to it and am glad the kids and I and my hubby hay the same name.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

My wife hyphonated her name. I am very angry about that. She said that she would change her name when her brother had a son (to carry on the family name). Her brother's son is 3 weeks old now. I don't think she is going to change her name.

This isn't about the men or about tradition. It is 100% about the kids. Your family name is your family name. If you have children and your name is different then theirs, you are a step mother rather than mother in the eyes of all others. If you want your children to be asked by the school how to contact their real mommy, just keep your maiden name.

Answer 6

No - there's nothing wrong with keeping your maiden name. People do it all the time. The only reason I went with my husband's last name is because it took the confusion out of having to have two seperate last names on the car insurance and the mortgage and I was tired of having to explain (to people like loan officers and bankers etc...) that we were married and having people look at me like I had two heads. So for me - the name change was just convenient. Otherwise I would have kept my maiden name.

Answer 7

I used to be one of the people who'd gasp. Then I realized that there were good reasons people had for keeping their name. (And it is completely none of my business.) However, since you say you want to have a family consider that many times a teacher or others may be confused by the last name difference and at first may think you are a stepmom. (Not that there is anything wrong with a stepmom but it may hurt your feelings.) However, if you feel strongly about this and your future husband supports you, why should you let this stop you? People may be confused or biased against you BUT does that mean we have to cave and conform? Certainly not. Be yourself, love your husband and do what you feel is best. Good luck and Congrats! :-)

Answer 8

It's not offensive at all, it's just going to be confusing as time goes on, you have children. It's always been a tradition, not a law, to take on your husband's name because that's usually the names of your children. Naturally, those with different last names than their children are looked at as a single mother, not to mention, tax time, wills and so on.

If you want to keep your maiden name, why not just use it as a middle name but use your married name on important, legal papers and so forth?

Answer 9

It's totally alright to keep your maiden name, I did it, I felt that it's bad luck to change my last name to my husband's. I seen too many women got stuck with their husband's last name after a divorce. I also want to feel a connection between my family ( my parents) and I, I feel I'll betray them if I ever changed it into my husband- you can have as many men as you want, but you'll always have one set of parents in your life. I'm not about to give up my heritage from a family that raised me for 20 something years. Besides, it's hard to change my signature habit and my legal documents.

Answer 10

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