How does the pain and loss of a divorce compare to the pain and loss of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?

Question

From your personal standpoint and/or experience.

I mean a serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (ie. deciding to start going steady), not just a first date

Maybe I should have rephrased to "loss of a marriage" instead of "loss of a divorce".

Answer 1

Well when your married, you've gone that full step of commitment and have taken on the responsibility of truly loving and caring for someone, for example; you take on the true financial responsibility, just can up ands leave, your spouse gets part of your pension and and make medical decisions that boy/ girl friends can't make. Marriage say's that you want a forever with that person and your willing to do anything it takes to make it work and when your forever doesn't last.....dude that hurts badly, trust me, I know from experience.

Answer 2

When you get married you take vows to "love, honor and cherish until death do us part". It's a whole lot more than just a piece of paper.

In a marriage you invest your heart and soul, you plan your future, you agree to become one. When that breaks up, it's not just the end of a close dating relationship. It's the unraveling of your hopes, dreams and promises.

Marriage can't be entered into too lightly. Thinking "if it doesn't work out we can always get divorced" may work for the first few months. But then the commitment kicks in and the future planning starts and all bets are off.

The pain is different. When you're young and first learning of love, the pain of a breakup is severe. It hurts like cutting off your arm. But as you get older, breakups hurt less. You build up walls and defenses. Then you get married and let down those walls and defenses. If a marriage breaks up it's like cutting off your arm, having a heart attack and suffering deep depression all at the same time. The pain you had built up a wall against just crashes down on you.

There's also bitterness in the loss of a marriage. Bitterness at the loss of your future, your potential children, and typically, half your assets.

You can avoid the pain and bitterness by being careful. Don't give your heart too easily. Don't get married without discussing the future: children, religion, finances, pets. Make sure that the man or woman you plan to marry has what it takes to be a good spouse. Make sure that you marry someone you know you can love, honor and respect for the next sixty years.

Answer 3

I was young when I divorced (20), so to me it actually just felt like a regular break up. I think it depends on what you have put into the relationship. Our "wedding" was on a Monday afternoon at the clerk's office. Looking back on it, though I thought it was "it" at the time, I know now that it was just one more broken relationship along the road. I am now 25 and have found "the one". You can definitely tell the difference, and you will know him when you find him.

Answer 4

I would say a divorce is way more painful because a gf and bf going out for some many years didn't have to be committed to themselves. They can just call it quits and move on. On the other hand being married you have to go through the long heartache process of divorce and not to mention if you have kids it makes the situation worse. Divorce is just way more painful than a relationship. Both are bad but personally divorce is the worst.

Answer 5

it really depends on how much u loved that person, its painful either way. but loosing a spouse to divorce is much more serious because u have put alot into it, and time, and when it ends your emotionally shattered, plus not to mention it does affect u financially. any loss hurts, but divorce is far worse, takes more to get out of, u loose the financial stability u had, its much harder to spring back when u go through a divorce.

Answer 6

To compare mariege pain loss of divorce to pain and loss of boyfriend. Not the same feeling that we felt you know why because marriege is vows many people involved like kids not like boyfriend/ girlfriend you can felt also pain or losing but you can easily find a new one.

Answer 7

It is the same feeling some people live together for a long time and don't get married while other people get married far to soon in their relationship. So in some case people who didn't get married and break up have a harder time emotionally they just don't have to go to court.

Answer 8

I'm not sure, I think it depends on the relationship itself, not on what it's called in legal terms. First impulse would be to say that the pain might be greater in a divorce - but it could also be that we marry those whom we feel very strongly about, and the pain is greater when we lose someone we are strongly attached to.

Answer 9

In my experience, there is no comparison. My divorce involved 3 children, finances, mutual friends, etc. Relationship break-ups hurt but there are a lot fewer complications.

Answer 10

there is no difference but a piece of paper. i was in a relationship for 7 years when he walked out on my daughter and i, it was the worst pain emotional of course i have ever felt in my life. It upset me very much that i didnt get the same kind of sympathy BECAUSE we werent married. who says that a piece of paper distinguishes what emotions you should have.