I Want to Stop Hitting My Girlfriend?

Question

So the other day my girlfiend went to the store. When she got there, she found out that they were all out of Pepsi. She had to go to another store across town to get it, which meant she was an hour late coming home.

She didn't have the common courtesey to call me and tell me this, so I was angry at her when she got back. One thing led to another, and I ended up giving her a black eye.

I don't like having to do this- it makes me feel bad when I lose control. So my question is what do I do about this problem? I've come to accept that I need things a certain way, and my girlfriend says she wants to be better so I don't have to do this. Any suggestions?

In response to some of the commentary:

This has happened a few times. This story is just the most recent.

She knows better than to go to the police, so I'm not really worried about that.

Thanks

Answer 1

You are justifying using violence when you say "she didn't have the courtesy to call me and tell me this ... she wants to be better so U don't have to do this" - so you are blaming her for you having hitting her. Just think if the case was the opposite would you deserved to be hit? Nothing justifies violence, specially something so vain. Please ask for help and go to counseling, because you will end up alone. Sooner or later every person around you and which you treat this way will stop loving you, and believe me, if you continue treating your girlfriend that way and she continues with you it will not be because she loves you but because she is just lost, confused and entangled in an abusive relationship.

Look at your reasoning: "It makes me feel bad when I loose control" - this is your main concern and issue, while you should be more worried about hurting and disrespecting someone you supposedly care for.

Please look for help because this is pattern you will continue repeating, and please analyze which is your real problem and acknowledge it. Stop blaming others.

Answer 2

First thing I want to say to you is you are committing a Felony by hitting your partner, if she calls the cops you are screwed.
As far as she is trying to be better, bullshit, so she was late, a call would have been nice so you would not have worried, but then you could have called her and said hey baby I was worried you were not back yet, are you having car problems or something?
A man hitting a woman shows a very low self-esteem about himself, why dont you whip a man everytime they do something that is not a "certain way". You need a lot of counseling, anger managment and probably someone to just kick the living daylights out of you a couple of times....but I will give you e for effort to mention your problem and want to solve it.....you both have issues and it will take both of you to stop the cycle....get help before you hit her and she dies, then you are so gonna be ***** bait in prison....

Answer 3

You used a key phrase that really clues you in as to what the problem is: "I don't like HAVING TO DO THIS." Kurtis, you don't have to do that. It may be your first reaction, but remember, first reactions usually aren't the best ones. You don't want to keep up this behaviour and end up being an abusive boyfriend. But if you don't keep yourself in check, that's exactly where you're headed. What you need to realize is that there are OPTIONS. Hitting your girlfriend is not the only way to bring about change. It may come as a surprise, but usually the best way to bring about change in the relationship, is to talk about it! What you need to do is (1)resist your first reaction! Stop yourself before you lose it. Make yourself sit down. Less of a fighting stance will help you get out of fighting mode. (2) Put together in your head exactly what you want to get across. Even if it's, "Well you coulda told me." it's better than violence. (3) Be man enough to appologize when you have a bad attitude, EVEN When you feel SHE owes you an appology. Usually appologies bring more appologies from the other side. Just remember, you don't "have to do this"...focus on looking for other options - other ways of communicating. I guarantee they're more effective.

Answer 4

First of all, your girlfriend shouldn't have to "be better", it's not her problem. If you need to have things a certain way you need to do them yourself and not hold others accountable for the things that you need done. Second you need to get help and if you really love your girlfriend you'll get help and move away from her until you've completed your sessions. You should never ever hit a woman or child ever, I don't care what the reasoning is behind it. You need HELP. Even if you don't want to get help, leave your girlfriend and stop dating because if I knew you were doing this to my sister, cousin, friend etc., you would no longer have use of any of your appendages.

Answer 5

I'm going to try to answer this objectively. I have a feeling you will take some backlash here. I honestly think you need to go get help from a counselor or a professional. The next time you hit your girlfriend, you could find yourself in jail, or worse, cause damage to her that you will regret for the rest of your life. Admitting that you want to stop is the first step, now you need to take control and responsibilities of your actions. Get help today!

Answer 6

Your girlfriend wants to do better so you dont have to hit her? Are you serious? Its not her with the problem it is you. I dont care if she was gone all night, that doesnt give you the right to put your hands on her! Only a punk would do something like that...Man up!Go to counseling and get some help. Would you want someone hitting your mother or sister that way?...Not Cool at all.Get some help!

Answer 7

You know what, I applaud you for realizing you have a problem and admitting that what you are doing/ did is wrong. I understand you obviously wrote this question to get help and answers, not to get criticised. Getting help is easier than you think. In many cases there are counselling services available through your county. County services are typically free or on a sliding scale. Look up the County you live in and what services they offer. You can also call 311 , which is a universal non-emergency community help line. 311 is a confidential way to connect you to available services in your County and community.

Answer 8

Anger Management. But I have a feeling its not the first time you've done this sort of thing to her. Hey, maybe she likes it. I mean the Honeymoon stage after it happens. Because I'm sure you tell her you didn't mean it and that you love her and you won't do it again. Lies, lies, lies. She must be smaller then you because that's what makes a boy feel like a big man is when he hits a person that can't defend themself against them.

Answer 9

im going to try and answer this without sounding like an a$$hole as urself.
first- go to anger management
second- not everything goes ur way so stop being a ***** and deal with it.
ur lucky to have a gf that hasnt thrown a pot of hot grits on ur a$$. i wud advise her that the next time u hit her she shud boil a pot of water and throw it on u. u can stop hitting her if u want too u just want to be in control maybe later on in life u wil get with a girl that will abuse u as much as ur abusin ur gf now. both of u are screwed up in ur head tho

Answer 10

You're obviously a troll, just trying to get a rise out of people.

Why is violence against women a subject of humor for you? Will it still be funny when it happens to someone you know? Will you still laugh when its your sister, mother, daughter, best friend, crying and hurt in the emergency room?

Your pretend scenarios lacks logic - you admit have control over your actions but lose it, yet you blame your actions on her and make your unreasonable demands and violent reactions her fault. Either you accept that you choose the violence and are therefore in control and to blame; or you accept that you abandon all logic and are completely irrational. Which do you prefer?