Is he cheating? My husband started taking to a store manager who works at same store...different town?

Question

I found out he called her three times when I was out of town and talked to her for an hour each time. We were fighting because I wasn't interested in sex. I found out and he said he talked to her because he was complaining about me. I stormed out and he appologized and said they got along well. He said he would stop talking to her. When there was a busy signal at his work, I would call her store to see if there was a busy signal and keep calling till her line was no longer busy and call him....he got off at the same instant. One time I called him on it and he said he was talking to someone else but then admitted he was talking to her. Two months later he admitted she had feelings for him and he told her he couldn't talk to her as much. I know he still sometime talks to her. He lied to me after my son was born because he didn't want me to visit him at store they were remodeling because she was there. He said it would be awkward for me. what do you think?

Answer 1

Let me just say from the outset, I don't think that anybody should be cheating on anybody else.

But what you are doing sounds very creepy indeed.With is is spying on him and monitoring his phone calls.


It may be he is talking to a girl in another store in another town.
It may also be thathe has something in common with her.
There is no crime in talking to people.

Has it ever dawned on you that he may feel more at ease talking to someone else about his issues.
Have you ever thought that maybe he is talking to her to get another opinion on things.
Just because he is talking to her does not mean he is having an affair or cheating.

You have some serious emotional baggage to deal with yourself.

As far as him not wanting to have you at his place of employ after your son's birth. I think a lot of that may possibly be in your head
Maybe you need to look seriously at getting some counseling for yourself and then look to including him within the counseling sessions.

I see some similarities to what he is doing with the woman in the store in the next town we've what you are doing here on Yahoo! answers. Have you thought about that.

How would he feel knowing that you are asking these questions of absolute strangers in relation to your relationship with him.
It is possible that someone is going to answer your question who lives two doors down the road from where you live.

Keeping that in mind don't you think that sounds even creepier.

Answer 2

If you have a suspicion, then it's happening.
From what you described I would say he's cheating for sure. It depends on how long it's been going on but there are some clues: New shoes, clothes, cologne, haircut, underwear, taking extra care to look good when he normally doesn't, working late or different hours than usual, going on errands that take a while or that he never went on before. Asking you not to come and visit or call before you do is a huge give away.
Make frequent unannounced visits without calling first, you'll probably catch him.

If you can't catch him hire a PI and find out for sure. Leave his A** if he is! You are better than that and you deserve to be treated with respect. If he has done it and apologizes for it he WILL do it again, and again...regardless of him promising and swearing on everything that he won't. Once a cheat always a cheat...just get rid of him.
I know how hard it may be to do it having a child and all but it's better to get rid of him and not let your child see a damaged relationship, or see you be disrespected in that way. If you child is a boy he could grow up to treat women the same, and if your child is a girl she could grow up and be treated the same way. It's not worth it.

Answer 3

He probably isn't cheating (define it), but is talking to her and it could be from several reasons.

A) He wants sex more, and you aren't giving him what he wants. So at some point he is likely to get it from somewhere else.

B) Has just lost interest in you and is now looking for a replacement.

C) Enjoys the thrill of flirting with another girl. I flirt with other girls all the time even though I have a girlfriend. Won't go any further than that.

D) She is giving him something that you are not. Maybe she is more fun than you. She is definitely doing something you are not.

E) Could just be a really cool person that he wants to keep as a friend. Might consider her "fun" and you as the "wife".

This is just the general idea. Usually its one of those. So the idea is not to get pissed, but to talk about it and figure out why exactly he is talking to her instead of talking to you. If you just get pissed and yell at him then your relationship will be over.

Answer 4

One big issue is why they are apart? You really hit the nail on the head, that when a woman is married she will get many offers, because a married woman is really a great prize for many men. Unmarried woman only really want one thing--marriage. But married woman don't seem to carry that problem, they don't need to be supported, and they usually want only one thing--sex. Those men (married and single) who chase your friend are just awful, and have no respect for her. How can a man respect and love your friend when he can't respect and love his wife? Maybe its because your friend doesn't expect anything from this married guy so he's in a perfect place. If only out of sympathy for his wife she should tell her so this relationship can end. If she just breaks up with married guy he will play mind games or chase her, so break up with her. So she has to cripple his efforts by opening up the relationship to his wife, which is how he has the ability to see her through his deception to her. As for her other problem (separate but related), she needs to figure out what's going on with her own marriage. If it is a bad marriage, then by all means, divorce and move on. If it is a alternative marriage where both parties live apart mutually, then they have to figure things out. Again, the two problems are different, and not really the same, so she has to handle the affair and the marriage as two different issues.

Answer 5

I went through the very same thing as you are now and like you i didn't think my husband would ever,ever in a million years sleep with another woman.I would say to myself he can't be i know where he is at all times if he isn't here he is at work.Well that's why so many co-workers sleep together,it's easy to get away with it. I know you don't want to believe your husband has taken it that far but it sounds like he has. When a husband starts to complain to another woman about his wife he is doing that for a reason and you know what that reason is.That girl probably knows more about you and your marriage then you think. Watch this girl very close because your husband has given her the go ahead by talking bad about you.If i were you i would go see her or at best talk to her on the phone.What ever you do don't just let this go because they have feelings for each other and they are not going to just let this thing go .

Answer 6

it's a tough one cause no one can confirm your fears. i can only say it sounds a bit dodgy to me. always trust your instincts. it seems like you have some issues in your relationship, maybe see a relationship councilor. he owes it to you to be honest with u, no matter what the reality is because this will swallow you up, and turn you into someone you won't recognise. you'll be drained, mentally and emotionally. and if the eventuality is that he is cheating, one day you'll kick yourself for letting him take up so much space in your head. sit him down calmly and ask him calmly for his honesty, it's the very least you deserve. hope it all works out for you. what ever happens ul be ok. one more thing, do some nice things for your self so that you know, and he knows you can be desirable too! might give him a fright and he may appreciate you a bit more. good luck, ul b ok.

Answer 7

Anytime a man starts sniffing up another tree, and sex is a problem I would the address the issue sooner than later. Before you two end up in counseling trying to figure out how to survive infidelity. It's not uncommon when someone isn't getting it done at home for them to start looking elsewhere. Trying to find someone on the same page as them, even it's as little as not getting enough booty at home. Sex is a big problem in marriage these days, and really shouldn't be taking that lightly better to talk in a rational way so you're both heard. Try and get to the root of the problem before your feelings get hurt or vice versa.

Answer 8

I think if he's not, he's getting ready to. You need to talk to him (be rational) and make it clear that it is no longer okay for there to be that kind of relationship, and there is really no need for him to be talking to her if it makes you that uncomfortable. He's your husband not your highschool boyfriend. He should respect your feelings and care enough about the marriage to not even tempt fate or your temper.

Make sure to stay rational... your platform should be that it's not that he cannot talk to women in general (because this will be his retort) but that the problem is he is lying to you because of this relationship with this woman (whatever it is) and that is definitely unacceptable. He will be hard pressed to find anyone to back him up and excuse his behavior for that one.

Answer 9

I think there is a huge problem because he is hiding things from you and being way to sneaky. If there was nothing going between the two of them or there were no feelings involved then he wouldn't be keeping this from you and he would have no problem cutting her off for you. You either need to look into this more or make a decision based on what you know. Either way something seems wrong here.

Answer 10

Sweetie you need to have a serious talk with your husband. That doesn't just sound bad...it sounds really bad! Makes my stomach turn just reading it.

Yes it sounds like he's cheating and no you can't make him stop. Sit down, have a talk, and discuss what to do next. Especially since you have children with him.

Good luck and best wishes!

Xar