I don't know where to turn but here asking for some insights. I've married for nearly 5 years. During the marriage, he'd cheated on me once with a prostitute and several others with his online lovers. But everytime it happened, I've learned to forgive and hoped that he one day changed.Two months ago while visiting my mom, I caught him chatting again with females. His intention is more than being friends with them, I know this. I decided to leave and did that two months ago. he called me once in a while, but said he willl file for a divorce. Two weeks ago before he left for his 5 months deployment, I went to see him just b'cause I missed him too much. We talked things out and agreed upon many things, mostly to work our marriage. He left the next morning. Three days ago on the phone, he spoke so mean to me. I couldn't handle it, I said if he doesn't stop I'll hang up the phone. He said if I am the marriage is over. I was upset that he gave me the ultimate. I did hung up. He meant it
2007-07-31 10:51:24 · 27 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We fought lots but always come back together at the end. Sometimes I feel do love each other, but he doesn't know how to show it.He even said that himself that he loves me more than anything but don't how to show. I hate the feelings I have him. It's too strong and it's hard to break off. I hung up on him lots only when he started to speak foul language and wouldn't stop when I asked him too. But I have no idea he would use that against me at this time. He blamed me for leaving him, left him rotten. He wasn't rotten, he has money, a place tostay, and ajob. I, on the other hand, had nothing but just some money I saved up for schooling. He blamed that I ran away with the money. Money isn't important. It doesn't make me happy, honestly. But to be with him, somehow I feel alive. I have an ex that tries to get back with me after 7 years, but I would never strayed on him. He thinks that i'm going to get a freed ride from him. It hurts to know he would think something like this
2007-07-31 11:14:44 · update #1
To make matter worse, he respects his friends more than respects me. During those two months after I left he found new friends, people live around our apt. One of them happened to be an ex-marine, newly divorced and already has a fiance. I know that this new friend of his has now havethe greatest influence of what he is acting right now. He might even fed him with his bull about his ex-wife. I don't know the story but I've heard that he distastes his wife so much including other ex-wives.
As I mentioned I went to see him and we agreed that I should move back. I suppose to move back in a week, but I also found out that he had given keys to people who supposely his friends. I asked him to get them back but it was too late, so I ordered a new lock to made to our apt. Since now when got into fight about me hung up the phone, he said that he is giving the power of attorney to his best friend the ex-marine. Now, I'm afraid to go near that apt because he (his friend) can call a cope on me.
2007-07-31 11:36:12 · update #2
Why on earth would you want to be with a total loser like that?
For gods sake darling, when he went with a prostitute he would have got his marching orders! Wise up before he gives you a STD - his a waste of space!
2007-07-31 10:58:04 · answer #1 · answered by Donna 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well good for you! (seriously)
He has cheated several times - and doesn't really seem too concerned about that.
You left two months ago and he has only called "once in a while"?
Sounds as if Mr. Wonderful was looking for an excuse or reason - and hanging up the phone was it.
You will be much better off without him!
By the way - if anyone ever gives me an ultimatum - I always do exactly the opposite of what they want. I'm not a Pavlovian Dog...and neither are you!
2007-07-31 10:57:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A rule of thumb.....ask yourself is your life better with him or without him. NO man or woman deserves to be married to a CHEAT, and he isn't willing to change his behavior, instead he lays it on you and is basically blaming you for the marriage falling apart. I hate to be blunt but from your letter, the facts are he is a cheater, he is a control freak, and he could easily give you an STD....IS this the kind of man you want to spend your life with and possibly have children with? He did you a favor by filing for divorce, you deserve much better. One thing I learned from divorce.....you start out thinking your whole world has crashed and you are a failure, but if you honestly give yourself 2 years before getting into a serious relationship, you will discover that you are quite capable of doing things without a mate, that you honestly begin to like/love who you are as a human being, then the best part, the next person you choose is going to be a whole lot better. Send your husband/soon to be EX a Thank You card and then start enjoying YOUR life.
2007-07-31 11:11:35 · answer #3 · answered by canuck1950 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one you sound like you would be better off without him. He is the one doing all the cheating and running around. Maybe you need to think about getting some counseling for yourself so you will know you are worth more and deserve more out of a marriage. He is gone for 5 months so now is the time to just work on yourself and, move on. It is not like you can just go see him. You might find you are having more fun without him. Don't call him let everything come from him.
when you are ready file for divorce. He already told you it was over you know you meant it so.....Do what you got to do.
2007-07-31 10:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you've answered your own question. I think you did the right thing. My boyfriend is a sex addict and his disease has progressed since we've dated and I gave him an ultimatum to go to SLAA and a sex therapist or I'm done after he confessed to cheating on me with two different girls, among other sick sexual behaviors. My head told me to leave but my gut told me to stay. (I didn't really tell many people because I knew they would not agree with my decision. I wouldn't give him another chance if he did it again, and you have given your husband more. And it is different that y'all are married and I'm only in a 16 month relationship, I haven't made any holy vows in front of God and my loved ones.) At the same time I have been reading Codependent No More and the Language of Letting Go. I would love to find some COSA meetings but they are not easy to find. But my advice is to seek out these resources I mentioned in the latter no matter what the outcome between you is. Take care of yourself, and the outcome will be positive.
2007-07-31 11:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by Penny M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is seeing someone else and that's why he is treating u so badly, he is mean to u so u hang up on him as anyone might do when they are hurt, he is saying that so he can justify leaving and getting a divorce. if u have continually caught him cheating why on earth would u want to remain married to him? love doesn't die when someone hurts u, but a marriage takes alot more than love and feelings, cheating is a definite deal breaker, once betrayed u can never get back that old feeling u one had for him, and once a cheater always a cheater because its part of his character. alot of men would not want to hurt his wife like yours has hurt u. u seem to love this man more than he does u. let him file for divorce, end it and move on, why stay tied to a man who disrespects u like this? to do so keeps your self worth low, keeps u thinking u need this man when u really don't, all u need is some confidence in yourself. prayer will help u get through this.
2007-07-31 10:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really see this marriage getting any better?
It seems as if there is a lot of reasons that you should leave. If he cheated that many times, and was about to again, he still will, because he knows you will stick with him.
If I were you I would get the divorce papers ready. No one needs to be put in last place in their relationship. Good luck!
2007-07-31 11:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think this guy is going to be a jerk again, you can refuse to see him. Your husband can go out and see the friend without you. It's been a long time, hopefully he's grown up, but the thing is *you* don't have to socialize with him. Tell your husband you don't want him at your house when you're there. Life is too short to be worried about idiots - ignoring them is the best way to go. Don't let it destroy your relationship.
2016-05-19 01:45:03 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! To be honest he sounds like a real jerk- I am positive you deserve a better man in your life- No man/woman should ever treat the person they "love" that way. It is normal to bicker and have different opinions on issues, but it is not normal or acceptable to cheat on one another, and to be emotionally abusive using ultimatums and threatening divorce....
If you WANT to try to make it work again- that is totally your decision, but I would suggest some serious counseling-
If you decide that you have had it with his bull, then good for you, there are a lot of great guys out there, you just have to be patient sometimes!
2007-07-31 11:00:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK u so deserve so much better if they cheat once they will do it again been in relationship going on 4 years learned how men are the hard way let him go and find someone who will treat u like a women should be treated.
2007-07-31 10:57:18 · answer #10 · answered by sissy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, I know this may be hard to hear, but it's probably a good thing that this marriage is over. He won't change, and no matter what you do, he'll end up going back to his true nature. Avoid him until the divorce is final and get yourself a good divorce lawyer. Good luck--I hope the best for you.
2007-07-31 10:57:34 · answer #11 · answered by April W 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋