Need some advice for friend who is facing a devastating divorce?

Question

My friend called me the other day and told me that her husband has asked her for a divorce.They only got married in January.He told her the reason was that he doesn't love her anymore and that they are facing such a financial hardship that they can't get out of and he doesn't want to try.That very night that he asked her for a divorce he also told her that he bought a box of condoms because he thought it would make him feel better.Well,they aren't having sex and he's not staying at the apartment and neither is she.She went back to the apartment today to get somethings,the condoms aren't there and she found some items that don't belong to either of them.She decided to drive over to his work to see if he was there because he told her this morning that he was working all day,he wasn't there.I'm afraid she is obsessing and is carrying a false hope.I'm also afraid that she will find out that he is cheating and that she will loose it.He told my husbasnd last nite that he wasn't cheating

Answer 1

This sounds very much like a marraige that should have never happened. If this guy ain't cheatin' now, he will be purty dern quick. I think it's time for a serious reality check. Suggest she make an appointment with a licensed counselor on the way to her lawyer's office. This is why God made second chances. Hopefully she will mature and make better choices next time. Thank you for caring about her and I pray for healing for all involved. peace

Answer 2

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O

Answer 3

Yeah right! He sounds like he is cheating to me. Your friend would do herself a huge favor by divorcing her terrible husband. He doesn't love her after 6 months of marriage? Everyone has financial hardships of some sort. He is trying to find excuses to end the marriage. Even if he isn't cheating is a BIG FAT LIAR!

Answer 4

sure he's cheating, that's always the reason not to want to work out the marriage problems. some people would rather just move on with someone new than work on what they already have, but that's life, and your friend will have to face reality, false hope will just hurt her more especially when she finds out he's been cheating all along. tell her to look at the facts, and not believe anything he is saying. it looks as if he is sleeping with someone else, and once this happens the marriage is already over even if he hasn't left.

Answer 5

Well if he's not in love with her anymore, there is
nothing she can do. Maybe he not cheating but it
sounds like he looking for someone new?
Best for your friend to hold her head high and walk away! The more she tires to hold on to him the more he will resist. Tell her not to go looking for him that is a BIG NO NO!
Tell her that he is not worth it and move on. Fine
someone who will love and appreciate her.
Life goes on! Belived me I've been in her shoes
and I have found a very loving man, who loves me.
It took sometime and it may for her as well, but he is out there. Good luck to your friend!

Answer 6

He is SOOOOO cheating - DUH. No really, he has a girlfriend and probablly won't fess up until the divorce is final b/c he would have to own up to being an adulterer in a court of law and might pay heavily for it. Anytime a man comes home and says, "I don't love you anymore" it's b/c things with his mistress have either gotten serious by way of her forcing him to leave his wife or he is so stupid he thinks he actually loves her. Help your friend by being a friend. Don't try to force her to see the truth - just be there when she does.

Answer 7

he is cheeting- i know this from watching a story just like that unfold before me. He still says he wasnt cheeting on his wife- even though he has told me he has been with his current girlfriend for 3 years and just got divoreved last year. She doesnt deserve a creep like him, she deserves her own night in shining armor. And good things always happen after tragic things- her life is about to get muuuch better without that jerk ,Good thing this happened soon too, she sounds young- and could easily find herself a good guy.

Answer 8

Just be there for her and listen to her. She has a lot to get off her chest and you just being there to listen is the best thing that you can do. Also helping her find a good lawyer would be a good thing as well.

Answer 9

Why give the dirty dog a break? - JUST MOVE ON Thank goodness she hasn't been married that long. She needs to move on and not give her soon-to-be ex-husband the idea that she NEEDS HIM.

I am sorry for your friend.

BTW - He is cheating!!!

Answer 10

My heartfelt prayers go out to both you and your friend, because the pain of watching someone you love but cannot help nor heal, has an overwhelming effect on supportive friends and loved ones, also. Try as you might, you will probably not be able to prevent your friend from "obsessing" and carrying false hope. Losing a marriage is a lot like losing a limb; it takes time to reckon with the fact that a very important part of you no longer exists, and can no longer work for nor with you. Your friend will not "loose it," (even though it may look and feel that way), if you stay grounded and find ways to speak strength into her spirit. (You know how us "sistah girls" do it)! "I will not let you fall apart...you are too important to me." "Cry if you must....have a funeral for your dead marriage if you must, but when it's time to put mourning away, I'm going to help you to bury the "dead thing". Because if you don't, dead things begin to decompose. And stink. And once it gets to that point, it becomes a danger and a health hazard to you, and all those who come into contact with you and with it." "You have always been strong, kind, dependable and caring....now, it's time to be all of that for yourself." (Maybe not in those exact words but, you get the picture) Be THAT kind of strenth for her! If you really, TRULY want to be there for your friend, start now looking into the following materials in order to gain insight and find useful tools for coaching and mentoring her back to a healthy, emotional place: "The DNA of Relationships" by Gary Smalley, and "New Life After Divorce...The Promise of Hope Beyond the Pain" (by Bill Butterworth) are great places for you to start. Introduce what you have learned when the time is right, to your friend. (You'll know when it's time to say and to do certain things...us girls are just intuitive like that)! I do not know what city you guys reside in but if the marriage does fail, look for a "Divorce Care" support group in your city. (And maybe even consider starting one) Also, there may be divorcees in your church or on your job who could bring an awful lot to the table, in such a needy time, if you would have the courage (and the confidentiality) to ask them. If there is an established group, go and check it out (discreetly) so if that awful time really comes, you will feel safe persuading your friend to go. Dr. Gary Smalley also has a great book called "Your Relationship With God" which I strongly, strongly recommend. There is nothing like an anchor or a port in a violent storm, strong arms to lean on when you are weak and medicine for the sick and broken parts of you. Like it or not, our lives change in the blink of an eye. Our world is screaming at us from every direction, that we need to at least consider that maybe, just maybe, there is somebody bigger than you and I. And that He has a plan and we need to learn what it means to run to Him, and find safety. Allow your friend the space that she needs (but not too much), to get a handle on things. Put yourself in her shoes. How sane...how obsessive...how lost would YOU be, if you had to walk in her sandals? With your strength and help, she will find a new normal. And if she is willing, she will find that time heals all wounds. (I've learned that it wounds all heels, too)!! And if she'll read some of this material or get involved with others who have survived this devastation, she'll come out of it with new insight, new inner strength, and a new purpose - to appreciate and to value her SELF, even when others do not. Prayerfully yours in Georgia - Diva