Ladies, I have a question about woman and sex. I have been married to my wife, who is older than me by a few years for about four years. Our sex life was incredible at first then it all but stopped. We would have sex 5 to 6 times a week and now maybe once a week if I am luckly. I still treat her well I believe. We both work and I make her breakfast everyday and coffee too. I give her hugs and kisses several times a day and spend time with her one on one. I even give breakfast in bed every Sunday. I tried talking to her but she tells me that it makes her feel guilty if I say anything about sex. So what am I doing wrong..and I have not gotten fat nor do I ignore her needs..So where too from here..any ideas?
2007-07-31 08:45:00 · 16 answers · asked by Craig B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, I am not in bad shape I am 5' 10" 185 lbs, with all my own hair and straight white teeth. I workout about three times a week but I guess I could hit the weights a little more, could get a little more buff (but I don't think that is the issue).
Second, we do have children but none together. Actually only her children live with use and I treat them as if they were my own. They can be demanding but I try to help as much as she wants.
2007-07-31 10:29:16 · update #1
Your wife is one lucky lady. I can't imagine what's wrong with her. You don't mention kids, so I can't suggest they are wearing her out. Maybe suggest in a very loving way that you are concerned about her, and you would like her to see a doctor. To have no sex drive, is not a normal thing...it could be something as simple as an underactive thyroid (robs you of your drive). Or maybe suggest marraige counseling, because if this keeps up, you guys will eventually end up in divorce court. No matter how much you love her, sex, or the lack of it, is a huge issue in any marraige.
2007-07-31 08:55:38 · answer #1 · answered by Miami Lilly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you get married, sex sometimes falls by the wayside. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half, but already between work and trying to keep everything together sex has begun to lag.
From what I hear, it's normal. For some it happens sooner... for others, later.
If it's the intimacy you miss, find time to cuddle or just to chat. If it's the sex, see about scheduling a night or two weekly for it. Sure it kills spontaneity, but it sounds like you don't have a lot of that either.
As for frequency... sometimes you have to take what you can get. You're both older now than you were when you first got married and bodies can change really fast.
It might be worth asking her what's going on with her life and her body that might be hampering things. Approach it in a way that won't make her feel guilty. If you can figure out the root of the problem, it might make it easier to solve.
2007-07-31 08:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by mommymartin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have all the answers but I would keep talking to her. Who cares if she feels guilty? Maybe she should? If my needs (sexual or otherwise) are not getting met I first make sure I'm meeting my husbands needs (sexual or otherwise) then I confront him. If something needs to change there is no point in ignoring it. Try talking to her again, ask if there is a reason. If she can't give you one ask if you two can go to counseling. Sometimes if people are depressed, on medication (especially anti depressants) or dealing with an illness they have a hard time wanting it. But I would keep pushing because this is an important part of marriage. She needs to be close to you that way even if she doesn't realize it. Don't just let this go keep being so good to her but also keep talking about your needs. Marriage needs to work both ways
2007-07-31 08:53:33 · answer #3 · answered by Jessie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am not a lady. I am a man who has been married for 26 years. We are a very happy couple (can't even remember our last argument!) and wanted to keep things exciting for each other, so we started buying sex games to keep things fresh and new in the bedroom (as well as other places in the house).
The best game we found is at www.HollywoodForeplay.com
I think it stems from plain old boredom, and taking steps to keep things new and exciting. While I LOVE a great steak, if that's all I ate for the last 26 years, I'm sure I'd be bored with it and want to eat something else. (no pun intended). Both men and women get bored with the same thing every day for years. It has nothing to do with love... but has everything to do with "keeping it fresh and exciting".
Good luck. You sound like a couple that would enjoy the game I mentioned above.
2007-07-31 08:52:31 · answer #4 · answered by Steven B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she depressed? Has she gained weight? Sometimes women don't want to have sex if they don't feel good about themselves.
When she says she feels guilty when you talk about sex what do you mean? Does she feel guilty because you are such a great guy and she is screwing someone else or does she feel guilty because she is very modest and doesn't like discussing sex. You know her better then we do.
If she is depressed maybe you can get her to get treatment. If she refuses let her know that the problem must be fixed and that you want her to open up to you. Let her know you love her and are wanting the two of you to reconnect again. Ask her what you need to do.
Sorry I don't have more advice for you.
2007-07-31 09:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by Junebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There has to be another reason why she is like this.
Do you have children? My husband & I have a pretty active sex life but every once in a while I get completely stressed out and exhausted and I have no interest in sex.
Did she gain weight since your marriage? Maybe she's feeling insecure about her body.
It sounds like your a good guy. Talk to her some more and try to work it out. Don't run out on her.
2007-07-31 08:55:11 · answer #6 · answered by C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be having an insecurity issue with herself you maiy need to spice things up. Go get an exotic movie or special toys just for her. And if she cant get into the mood when you approach her with it wait until shes sleeping and give her a nice wake up call that way you would be able to get a little further and she would be able to remember what she has been missing. JUST MAKE IT GOOD!!!
2007-07-31 09:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by stacey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a week is NOT stopped! Big difference dude. If you keep pressuring her, she'll keep retreating.
One suggestion: rationally ask her why she feels guilty. Be prepared for the answer, but do not get defensive - no matter what it is. There may be something else going on here.
2007-07-31 08:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need to discuss this. When she tells you she feels guilty, you should let her know that you need to understand why she doesn't want to have sex with you. She owes you an explanation. To simply say I don't want to talk about it because I feel guilty is not going to solve your problem. You both MUST commnicate to have a successful marriage.
2007-07-31 08:57:35 · answer #9 · answered by Lady J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same situation that you are only i do everything for my hubby and i still dont get any. i have no idea what to tell you because if you tried talking then i guess we just have to be patient and wait until they come around .good luck to you.
2007-07-31 08:50:01 · answer #10 · answered by ms01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋