Is anyone else sick of this?

Question

I am so sick and tired of people telling me I am "fortunate" to "be able" to stay at home and raise my son. It is not out of luck or fortune that I stay at home. It is my priority. Anyone (excluding single parent) can stay at home to raise there children. You may have to cut big corners, or live in a small home or even have to rent an apt., but it can be done.

Just for clarification, I am not against mothers who work. I sometimes wish I could leave my child so that I could work. I have put my career (RN) on hold because I just couldn't leave my child. My husband does not make a lot of money (police officer), so we are definately not rolling in the dough. It's all about priorities- ours is having me stay at home, some of you may choose to live in a bigger home, or have a boat, or put your children in private school. Just because your priorities are different than mine doesn't mean they are wrong.

Answer 1

Boy......Here we go again the stay at home vs. the working moms. First let me say that I had my children in the late 70's early 80's when the National Organization for Women was just getting into swing. Women were entering the workforce and really it was the start of the 2 income family. So my choice to stay at home and raise my children rather than go to work did not sit well with some. I had just graduated from college and turned down acceptance to a very prestigeous grad school.
My best friend commented to me, "It must be nice to afford to stay home." However she and her husband had just bought a new house, new cars, etc. Not so with me.
What I'm hearing again is that it is about choice, priorities, and values. I personally, had children because I wanted to experience all I could in my role as parent and to be there for them, rather than have someone else parent them. My priority was to be the primary caretaker. We did sacrifice. (We drove used cars, lived in an older home that was in an excellent school district!
The point I'm trying to make here is that this has been an ongoing thing. Fortunate or not fortunate, afford, not afford;;;;;;those are veiws and sometimes judgements. I do understand Annies frustration. She made a choice. Those of you that work, how would you feel if someone said, lucky you. You can afford for someone else to take care of your kids so you can get out of the house and work?
Bottom line however, is not that the stay at home mom or working mom is more or less fortunate, but rather, isn't it the children that are fortunate, either because they had their mom to come home to, or the children that are fortunate to go to daycare because their parents had children but didn't want the responsiblity that goes with it!
Studies will show anything you want them to really, but when my kids were in school (and afterwards) they actually thanked me for staying home as most all the kids they went to school with went to daycare and my kids didn't really even know what it was.
Please, try to understand we make choices and have different priorites. Labelling is not the way to get points across.
WAY TO GO! ANNIE!!

Answer 2

No, what I am sick of is listening to people like you, who claim to know everyone's situation, rant and criticize about how some moms need to work to make sure her kids are fed, clothed, and sheltered. You ARE fortunate to be able to be with your son 24/7 and you should be grateful, not indignant towards people who tell you that you are lucky. No matter how many corners you cut, you will always have heat, electricity, food, rent, stuff you just CAN'T get around that will require the income from two parents...the MOM and the DAD. Anyways, judging by your statement, does this mean that all fathers don't consider their children a priority either or is your attack just for the mothers who want the best for their kids, even if that means being away from them for a few hours a day?

Answer 3

You ARE fortunate. We can't do it. My husband is a school teacher. We live in a small condo, we have no car payments or extra expenses. What he makes doesn't cover the mortgage, keep the electricity on or put food on the table. The area of the country we live in is expensive. We can't even afford a house.

So, we did cut corners, we did sacrifice, unfortunately, all of that was so that he could have the career of his dreams. I have to work to keep the electricity on, not for a boat or even new clothes.

I'm lucky that I have family nearby that care for my little ones when my husband and I can't be there. Someday I hope I CAN stay home.

Maybe if you'd vote for a raise for school teachers I'd be able to stay home--ever think of that?

Answer 4

Do you think money grows on trees? Does formula come out of taps now? No, the last time i checked it didnt.

You are fortunate and lucky. It's only by the GRACE OF GOD that I am able to make enough money to even support my child. And you are right, I am a single parent and there is no way that I could stay home. BUT, growing up I found myself very fortunate that my mother was there to pack my lunches in the morning or make breakfast and if I didnt feel well at school she could come get me. THAT IS LUCKY STUFF! Look at how many kids (mine included) that don't have that. My son is lucky that I care enough about him to want him to have the BEST possible life so I get my butt to work everyday so that I pay with my groceries with my own money and not a card given to me by the State of Ohio. I count my blessings everyday that I am fortunate enough to be able to do that.

I hope you realize that there is more to being a mother than looking after children. I also hope that one day I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home and love on my kids and not be too tired to play when i get off of work. I want to be able to take my toddler to the park and to watch him experience life the way you get to with your kids.... BUT I don't get to, because I have to feed him instead.

Count your lucky stars, honey... Because, sometimes there you still can't make it no matter how many corners you cut.

Answer 5

Well, let me just say this. I knew pretty early on that if I ever had children, I would want a stay at home parent (either my significant other or me). Now I have a 9 month old son and I feel like I am fortunate to have the maturity and wisdom to know that the best thing for my son is to have one of his parents at home raising him (in my case, me) instead of dumping him off at some day care center.

We have had to make BIG sacrifices in order to make this happen, we are still adjusting to the financial aspect of it. But in my opinion it is for the best in the long run, I want most of my child's early information to come from a trusted source, namely me or my husband.

But I don't cast aspersions on those who choose differently, every family has a dynamic all their own. Both of my parents worked, and I don't think I came out of it too badly (ha!) but I really wanted a different kind of relationship with my child.

It could have just as easily been my husband staying at home, but we made the choice for the caregiver of the children to be me. We hope to have another someday. I think that's why it's important to have two active parents, one to earn the money and one to keep the homefires burning, so to speak. Maybe that's an old-fashioned viewpoint, but to give my son the kind of care I think he deserves, I would be handing over practically all of my paychecks anyway for child care. I can't see that being a practical solution.

So yes, while I do feel fortunate, it's for much different reasons than most people think -- while it may not have been the smartest financial decision, it was definitely the best family decision.

Answer 6

I agree with you! I am a stay at home, which I do count it a blessing, but my hubby doesn't make a ton of money. We just had to decide what was more important to us, having me around our children all day...or paying someone else to train our children. If they really figured out all of the costs, they would see that they really aren't coming ahead (in most situations) if they have more than one child.

I have a friend and her husband that actually hired someone to help them figure this out. They have two children, and by adding up all the extra costs (not just day care) from having mama work...they were actually going backwards $2000 a month! They both had very high paying jobs, but after seeing that she put in her 2 week notice and has been home ever since.

It doesn't matter how much money a person makes to determine if they can be a stay at home mom, it matters how much they love their "things" and where the priorities are!

Answer 7

Well, yes and no. In some cases, I think you're right - it's a matter of choice or priority. In other cases, though, I think it really can't be done. With my first, we got pregnant unexpectedly (we were using two things! she just really wanted to come into this world!), and my husband had just started his own business, so our insurance was through my job. He didn't want to fold the company, and we really NEEDED insurance. Plus we were young and money was much tighter then. Now I stay home with our youngest and the new baby, and it's definitely a matter of choice and priority.

Answer 8

I am really baffled by your attitude. You are being complimented about your good fortune, but you are complaining?

And, for your information, no not every family can afford to have mom stay home. A lot of families are in situations where even making the rent is impossible without two incomes -- even with day care costs.

Enjoy your good fortune and stop being so judgmental. You and your child will be much happier in the long run.

Answer 9

Dalice Nelson just because you work dies not make you a better mom and ot's fine to put your career on hold for your kids. My mother did it. I won't do it because I'll have a bigger career than my mother but if it comes to it I will. Take care of your child.

Answer 10

Everyone doesn't have the opportunity to stay at home and raise their kids. It's a pretty ignorant statement to make considering the fact that many families in this country live below the poverty line, and need to have 2 working parents just to get by.
With your reasoning, both parents should be at home with their child. Unfortunately, everyone isn't "fortunate" enough to be able to do that.