Money can change a person who way of thinking and at times loving. My fiance and myself are on a very strict buget because we have some unpaid wedding balances. The wedding is in two months and we are starting to have big problems. (money problems) he always gets upset when I say that we can't afford something. The question that I need to ask is "What do you do when you start feeling different toward your spouse because of money issuses, ( not having enough money to sometime do simple things like get somthing to eat) Sometimes I feel like I don't even want him near me ( in bed) because I feel like he dosen't deserve to have sex with me. Him not being able to buy things turns me off. Even now it seems like every arguement we have starts off with money. What should I do to save our relationship with in the next two months?
2007-07-31 05:54:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I only make 50 cent less then him. I'm paying all of the wedding bills I just can't help him with the ones at the house so that is why we are broke.
2007-07-31 06:30:00 · update #1
Has any one ever heard of no finance = no romance?
2007-07-31 06:37:39 · update #2
My experience is that you can solve problems like these by focusing on yourself, to change what you are doing in the agruement and what you can do to change it. My boyfriend and I are also paying for our wedding and I know how stressful it is. Nagging him won't really help, neither will saying "my big day, my way"
Concentrate on why you do love him and wanted to get married in the first place.
why is it that you feel the need for him to spend so much money. do you feel that you need validation?
Asking yourself questions like these will help you change your reaction in situations like these and diffuse tension
2007-07-31 05:59:35 · answer #1 · answered by lovesapples 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you are experiencing is called "Marriage" you two are basically already married and it sounds like you already live together. You didn't say what he does for a living and what he does with his money. If he's blowing the money and is a spend hound, then you take control of the finances and budget accordingly. If you both just have limited incomes then hey, join the club. You will have to budget and save for special nights out. Eating out is not a right, it's a privledge and a treat. Weddings are expensive and you don't necessarily HAVE to have one. Just go get married someplace small but nice. Listen, the first rule of marriage is COMMUNICATION and the second is COMPROMISE. So if you can't afford to eat out alot, pick one day out of the month where you two paint the town - set a budget amount for that date and stick to it. The rest of the month you take turns cooking at home. Your feelings of not wanting your husband around is wrong. You are basically saying he has to pay you for sex - are you a prostitute? How would you feel if he treated you like that? I don't think you'd like it one bit. Well he has feelings too. I understand being frustrated at his lack of income - been there and am now purchasing the Tshirt (it's on lay-a-way! Ha ha). Seriously, I make almost three times what my husband makes but HE is the one who says we can't afford this or that. I admit that sometimes I want to say "well maybe YOU can't afford it but "I" certainly can" but that's wrong too. When you marry you become ONE - there is no "his" and "yours', it's now "ours" that means bills and debts too. So, unless you are truly ready to take all this on, I would maybe consider post-poning the wedding. Try going to counseling - financial and pre-marital- and talking this through. Be honest about your feelings about the money. Trust me, it will help. Good luck.
2007-07-31 13:08:42 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably should not get married if you are having this much trouble with finances already! Well, you need to understand that you might be the problem. It sounds as if you planned a wedding WAY too expensive for your budget. Cut back on some of the things you've planned (cancel the flower order and get simpler flowers, cheaper food, etc. or cut the guest list) before you drown in debt! You sound selfish to say that because he cannot afford your high cost tastes you don't want him in bed! Wow. Think about what you said. I don't think you love this guy. Maybe you should cancel the wedding until you get your priorities straight.
2007-07-31 13:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex and money are the two main reasons there are problems in a relationship. You are already fighting about money and you haven't even said "I do". Things will only get worst. I feel that sometimes couples have already sealed their fate when they go spending money on a wedding when they really don't have the funds to have a lavish wedding. I would suggest that you cut back on your wedding. It can be memorable without going *sshole in debt.
2007-07-31 12:59:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're obviously very high maintenance, and you forget that the lavish wedding you just had to have put you in debt. Way to go. I hope the wedding is worth it. Why don't you get a job, or a better job, or tone down the wedding BS. I can't believe how irresponsible people can be. You don't have food on the table, yet went way overbudget on the wedding.
2007-07-31 13:04:10 · answer #5 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not deserve to have sex with you?
if you are on a budget, you need to add in there some money for fun stuff too. you have to realize that the wedding may not be as important to him as it is to you.
try scaling down the wedding a bit so it fits in with your actual budget. or elope like the person above me suggested. starting your married life with a firm financial hold will ultimately be a much better use of funds.
2007-07-31 13:03:12 · answer #6 · answered by missingoz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to be on the same page....I know it's hard but, you need to live accordingly...You shouldn't be living beyond your means...Set goals and work together to accomplaish them...Don't see it as a set back or "we" can't afford it...No one really can aford the life they live but, they manage and work together...That's what marriage is all ABOUT....Compromising and Teamwork...If you can't get through this then everything else that falls between will be an issue...Rely on one another because at the end of the day, you are both what each other have...
Cograts on your soon to be wedding and enjoy and love one another*
2007-07-31 13:12:05 · answer #7 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money problems are often the cause of divorce. Slow down now and perhaps postpone the wedding. This could be a HUGE sign that you're not compatible with each other for marriage.
Lucky you to find out BEFORE the wedding.
2007-07-31 12:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by leysarob 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to set your priorities and stick to them; if your priority is to pay for the wedding and not be able to buy food, then you both have to tough it out. Perhaps you need to re-think your priorities if it's causing a problem between you two; no wedding in the world is worth starting off on the wrong foot.
2007-07-31 12:59:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you want the wedding of your dreams? Do you want the $80 dollaer centerpieces? Do you want fresh flowers? Do you want a DJ?
If you do, then suck it up. Weddings are expensive and you cannot blame him not being able to go out to restaurants and "buy you stuff".
Check yourself. Your priorities are all wrong. He doesn't "deserve" to have s ex with you??
May God help him.
PS/ Get off the high horse princess. You have a lot of growing up to do.
2007-07-31 13:31:55 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋