Democracy or Dictatorship in The Home?

Question

I could have posted this question in pets but I feel that this is more than just a question of liking cats or any pet for that matter.
Tell me what you think.
My two kids and I would like to adopt a kitten.
My husband is "putting his foot down" and is adamant that's just not going to happen.
The kids and I attempted to convince him last night but his attitude about it is that it is non-negotiable because he doesn't like cats.
Shouldn't Democracy be present in our homes? I feel that my husband is being a dictator; after all there was no reasonable effort on his part to discuss the pros and cons of getting a cat.
There are four of us in this family, 3 of which are attempting to get their way through Democratic means!

What would you do, and do you agree that Democracy should matter in our home?

Thanks :0)

Mark- Why shouldn't the kids be part of the process? I think their input matters. I hear what you are saying about 'majority rule' but we haven't made any rulings yet. If I understand your post correctly you are suggesting that children not play a part in decisions that affect their life, lest they become uncontrollable? I disagree.

davismi - Hold the reins there buddy! My husband isn't going anywhere. But your answer is interesting because it suggests to me that one should go with the minority to appease lest he do a runner! I disagree.

Mad scientist - Now that's what I'm talking about! Thank you for taking my question seriously. Most helpful, I loved your answer especially the references to block voting which I hadn't considered and certainly will be now :o)

dlil-Hmm. How can there be checks and balances if one gets to make the final decision based on it being "his" home?
If they wanted an alligator I wouldn't object necessarily but animal control certainly would..

freakshow-Lol, you are funny and as helpful as always ;-p

TheMonk-Those are some of the points I wish to make should he agree to a meeting!!

Answer 1

I don't exactly think that either model proffered fits what a family should experience. After all, democracy generally implies that all members have an equal say in the way the family is run. In this model, a family of two parents with three children will be run by the children should they form a voting block. Once they start asking for ponies, then chaos erupts.

On the other hand, a dictatorship is a poor model as well because this creates resentment within the family, and a family is ultimately the most intimate of governments. If one person decides everything all the time, then there is little incentive to have participation of any kind, and this easily leads to alienation.

There really isn't any large-scale model to describe well what a family should be. Given that the parents are usually the providers and caregivers, they should always be ready to stand by their decisions if they feel that they are in the right. However, many decisions are not critical in nature, such as what to have for dinner or which motion picture to see together. In those cases, the parents should accept input from their children, perhaps letting them make decisions that do not create problems.

Concerning the issue at hand, the best way to look at this is to not include the children in as a voting block. Instead, look at it from the viewpoint of speaking with your partner in the family. I doubt that he is objecting out of mere demonstration of power, but rather that he has his reasons for not adopting a kitten. These reasons must be known to you especially, otherwise there are greater issues that go beyond this one. Only after everyone's concerns are addressed can a consensus be reached. It might be that the kids will have to be disappointed, but in no way should letting them get this desire come at some significant cost to your husband.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

You need to shut off your computer and have a frank discussion with your husband, preferably without the kids being there.

Trying to impose a situation like "majority rules" in a house isn't a very good idea. The parents have to set limits for the kids, but you two need to be on the same page, or you are going to have your hands full with your kids for years to come.


Edit after your comment;

I didn't mean to imply that the kids shouldn't be a part of the process, but that for decisions like this, you could be setting up a dangerous precedent of having to vote for everything that happens.

just my $.02

Answer 3

If your husband doesn't like cats then you don't have a cat. It is his house and he has a say in what goes and doesn't go. Your kids do not.

If your husband and kids wanted an alligator, would you allow one in your house?

You are probably unaware of this but America is a Constitutional Republic -with the system of checks and balances among the Courts, Senate and Presidency - your husband would have the right to veto the cat.

Answer 4

If you get a cat and lose a husband would you consider that a fair trade? Some time democracy means giving in to the minority because it is the right thing to do.

Answer 5

Well my house is a dictatorship. I have final say in all matters. Though I must admit my kids get most of what they want.

Answer 6

if u & ur kids r responsible ( or can be made responsible by giving or taking responsibility for looking after it) then definetly go for it. convince ur hubby the pet is not going to steal into his time with either u or the kids. rest if he is allergic then u can decide who u love more ...

Answer 7

id just go get the kitten, hide it in the closet, tell your husband you think you have a mouse, cook cheeseburgers, then go to the movies with friends, i really hope i was some help to you