Say you're going out with someone for a year. You've definitely have had your ups and downs--there have been many red flags indicating a strong potential for emotional abuse on their end--but after some deep talking after taking a little break and promises from the other person to try to make changes, things look good for a couple months. Really good. You're being told you're loved all the time. You're being told how wonderful their life is with you in it. You're beginning to regain some trust in them.
Then, one day, this person says to you "I love you. It's you I want to be with. You. Nobody else.' There's a strange twist in inflection on the 'you.' So, you jokingly say, 'What? Are you thinking about being with somebody else?' They reply, 'Only in my head.'
Is this a comment engineered to undermine my self-esteem and confidence, or am I--as they have implied--'over-reacting?'
Is is emotional abuse?
2007-07-31 04:38:38 · 9 answers · asked by writergirl523 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes, this is emotional abuse, and it doesn't stop there. This person is confused about his or her own feelings and also wants to get/keep you as confused as possible. This sounds like a head game to me.
You don't want to be in a relationship where you have to second-guess or wonder about all these issues. Gently extract yourself from this relationship. Spend some time on your own, not in a relationship, and then some day when you are ready, you will find someone else. You want an open, honest, simple relationship that does not have all these mistrustful complexities. Good luck!
2007-07-31 04:51:07 · answer #1 · answered by MaraschinoMary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! As a minister I often counsel people with similar issues. This is cat and mouse and I don't like it. After all, how soon before just in my head gets acted out in real life? As soon as the bloom is off the rose and real issues start to hammer at the relationship foundation, this will be a huge problem. The red flags from the beginning are a clear indicator to run, not walk away. I don't think their will be a long haul since the possessiveness is NOT realistic and this is all a ploy to suck you into a co-dependency that spells disaster. This is not a long term relationship when manipulation is the key factor of its core existence. I think you already know this and just needed someone to point it out. In the long run this person is not worth the time and energy it would take to keep a curb bit in his mouth and your vulnerability in check. Sorry, but this guy has serious social issues and is not mentally stable. Find someone that will treat you the way you deserve and make you happy. This one is so not it. Marie
2007-07-31 04:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by Marie D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that this guy is not ready to commit totally to you. He might be sticking on to you for now and after he finds someone else he might just leave. He didnt sound very sincere and was playing mind game with you.
Why would you want to waste your time with him? Treat him as an ordinary friend and go out and mix with other friends. That will allow to see things at a different perspective and you will be more sure of what you want. Moreover, there are so many fishes in the sea, you will have no problem to find someone suitable and more compatible.
2007-07-31 05:11:42 · answer #3 · answered by Sal SR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much we as women hate it, men fantasize. Probably more than you realize. Men are just that way, it isn't a fault, it is just how they are wired. If he isn't giving any indication that he actually wants to be with anyone else dont stress it. He probably shouldn't have said what he did about him thinking about it in his head..but sometimes people say things without thinking. Im sure he didn't mean to make you feel the way you do. I would say that you should take the way he says the way he feels about you to heart....and try not to dwell on the other thing he said. My boyfriend has said some really stupid things to me like that before...but he loves me and wouldn't want me to feel insecure, especially because of something he said. If you are really concerned, tell him how you feel.
2007-07-31 05:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by Kitten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be over reacting but it is hard to say not being personally involved or close to the situation. My husband has and still says things similar to this. We have been together for 7 years. It is simply his way of playing with me because he knows I'll get all jealous. But in the end we laugh and joke about it. You should know deep down if he is joking. He may just not be comfortable showing emotions so he has to make a joke of it. This is part of why my husband does it and the other part is just to get my goat. In stead of getting mad about it try giving it back to him and make a game of it and then laugh about it. I have always heard if someone is cheating, going to cheat or leave they don't talk about it or make jokes about it.
2007-07-31 05:01:06 · answer #5 · answered by latkg5778 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both. I think the qusetion shouldn't have been asked in the first place (even in jest - your relationship is not set up to handle those kind of jokes obviously), but the two-wrongs-don't-make-a-right answer shouldn't have been given.
You either trust him or you don't, and if you don't, it's time to move on. Don't play games.
Good luck.
2007-07-31 04:44:15 · answer #6 · answered by Ace 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was it a joke? If not...that is sucky and probably needs to be addressed. However, no one can undermine your self-esteem/confidence unless you let them.
2007-07-31 04:44:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of there, it sounds like a mess. you can find someone better. you already said there's red flags, go with it.
2007-07-31 04:44:09 · answer #8 · answered by britney487 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
s*** yes. Get out of there.
They have no emotional bond to you, either.
2007-07-31 04:51:09 · answer #9 · answered by bettyboop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋