Should I Tell Her?

Question

I seem to be very deceptive, i know......but i want to go to university september 2008 to study american studies....my mum thinks i'm gonna do english or psychology.....but i don't have the grades for them and i want to do american studies and later move to america......but i'm scared to tell my mum....she knows i feel oppressed by the area i live in....but she doesn't know how far away i want to go.

Should I tell her?
If so, how do i do it?

it is not just me and her, there is my dad as well, but he won't venture his opinion to anything.....plus i might possibly in some insane way be the one who keeps her sane.

Answer 1

You should tell her but you have to make sure you know what your gonna say before you tell her. I would write out your reasoning and come to her at a good time and discuss everything out.

Answer 2

I don't think you're being deceptive. you're planning a major change in your life that's going to effect people you love and who love you back. If this is what you truly want - and think it out carefully - moving to another country is a very big step. Just find her and quietly explain how you feel. Try not to get too emotional or get forced into a yelling confrontation.

Clear your head, get your ideas and arguments in perspective and and look for the right time. timing is everything. Don't for heaven;s sake speak to her about it after she's had a rough day.

If you are in the habit of going out together - take her somewhere quiet. This serves a twofold purpose. she can hardly make a scene in public and you can put your cards on the table and tell her how badly you want it. Be mature about it.

Be prepared for some kind of emotional outbreak but keep calm - after all she's your mother and she wants what makes you happy.

Finally for your own sake make sure this is what you really want and not just because you failed the grades in your other subjects.

Answer 3

This is definitely a sensitive issue to handle carefully. It seems you anticipate resistance from your mum related to going to America. I have the same problem with mine, who gets upset if I even talk about moving to another state.

Your first priority is to discuss school with her. You may bring up the idea of moving, but focus on school because that will come in the more immediate future. The best thing to do is broach the idea a little bit at the time, so she can get used to it. She will probably want to think about it. Give her your reasons why you want to pursue this path of study. Make sure that you also have a rough plan for how it will work out and what career prospects it can lead you to. You might even want to talk to some History/American studies professors to beef up your case. Parents are usually more likely to listen to authorities than their own children.

If she balks at the idea of your major, gently explain to her, "Mum, I know you want me to be happy, and I appreciate that. But sometimes the things that make you happy will be different from what makes me happy." You could even tell her how much her support means to you so she'll be more willing to give it. As a compromise, would you be interested in pursuing English or psychology as a minor? That is just one possibility.

If you approach your mother with a combination of emotionally compelling reasons and a logistical plan, she should be more willing to agree. While you are talking to her, try to share your ideas with other family members and bring them into your point of view. Good luck! I hope you can win her over, but even if you can't, remember to pursue your dreams so your relationship won't be poisoned by resentment later on.

Answer 4

If you can study American studies then you can do English or Psychology. College is not easy. You are going to have to work hard and be disciplined. No one is going to do it for you. You are responsible for yourself when you are in college.
A lot of people don't make it past the first year. It's a very sad fact. I thought I wouldn't make it because of math. But I worked with a tutor and just worked hard. I made an A. That gave me the courage to move on.
You have to talk with both of your parents. You should plan out what you are going to say. Show them that you have thought it through. Develop a persuasive argument. You don't need to mention exactly what you are going to study. You can change your major. You should decide on a major by your junior year. Tell them what America offers and what your country does not. How will you pay for college? Are your parents going to? Unless you are paying for yourself then you need to sit down and talk with your parents. You could try to come to American on your own but it will be very hard for you to get financing. But it can be done I'm sure. You are going to need to do some research. Think about what your parents will say and come up with a counter argument for it so you are prepared. Being prepared and knowledgeable is your best offense and defense. Stand up for what you want. But be respectful and patient. Your parents may need time to mull it over even if they say no right away, which could happen but they could change their mind after some time. Try not to get emotional. Be calm and rational. Listen to what they say and find ways to convince them to come to your side. Find the evidence to back you up.

Answer 5

I would tell her a bit at a time. Start with what you plan on studying at Uni. Explain that its part English (although with only America books) and part history and that its something that you are really interested in. I am sure she is so proud that you are going to Uni, that what you study will be immaterial. A degree in American Studies will be as useful to you in the long-term as an English degree.

Then in years to come when you have figured out how to get a green card and what you will do in the States, you can have that discussion.

No need to do it all at once.

Answer 6

You need to be honest otherwise she will hurt more nearer the time. If you break it to her gently and explain about the job opportunities and money then I'm sure she will be pleased. She will miss you - mums usually do when you fly the nest as it were but you want her to be proud of you in the long term and honesty they say is the best policy!!

Answer 7

Do what feels right for you in the long term - you can still keep in touch with them if you move to USA.
One day your parents aren't going to be there and you need to make sure that when that happens you are happy in your life - this will help you get through it.
YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE - LIVE IT!!!
When you tell your mum have loads of positive facts about the course and what you can achieve with it eg. types of career, lifestyle etc.
Good luck!

Answer 8

You are not being deceptive, but, you do need to forewarn your Mum.maybe American studies require a period in that country. Anyway its only a flight away and you've got a mobile!. Spread your wings & fly.

Answer 9

I think its a good idea to make notes of what you want to tell her. depending of when you feel the time is right, begin telling her bits and pieces. you can start talking about what an opportunity it would be to attend schools in America, how you would one day like to travel there, etc. you don't need to tell her everything all at once. tell her bits and pieces and sooner than later, she'll start putting it all together.

good luck! and congrats! :)

Answer 10

Yes, do tell her.

Is it just you and your mother? Do you feel that you will be abandoning her if you move to the US?

Communication is key. Get into the practice of communicating with your mother (and whoever you have a relationship with in the future.)

Tell her: Mother, I feel that there's an opportunity for me abroad. I'd like to explore that venue. I need your support.