Katie I want a divorce and I was like WHAT!!!Why would he want to get a divorce I mean nothing is wrong in our lives we were perfectly fine.I just don't understand I mean last year when we were on our 9th honeymoon he said he wanted to stay with me for the rest of his life so what happen why not anymore?
2007-07-31 03:58:32 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi Katie...Wow....I would have been in 'complete' shock after hearing my husband making a statement such as yours did! First of all I would be thinking on the reasons 'why'. There has to be a reason for everything. May not always be a good reason, but a reason for why a person acts or says what they do. I don't know you or your husband personally so I'm just guessing on what some of the issues 'might be'. Now, I'm speculating here, under the assumption, that you are probably in your middle 30's or possibly early 40's. Now with this assumption your husband might be going through a 'middle age crisis' it's not unusual for this to occur. If this is the case, then you have your hands full but it can be rectified to where one can help the other. It just takes a lot of patience, understanding and love. On the same order for 'us' women that go through 'our change of life'. Maybe your husband feels that his 'life' is in a 'rut' so do speak. Going to work at the same job everyday, coming home doing the same activities everyday, eating the same foods, doing the same routine, day in and day out. It can get depressing. Now also keep in mind that maybe he's been seeing someone else and keeping it on the 'down low' so do speak. Some men can be very secretive to where unless you know the signs, you'd never know if he was cheating or not. This could be a possibility. You never know. I don't know the ages of your children, but sometimes the noise and the frustration of having children around 24/7 can put a dent on one's stress button. Maybe your husband just needs a vacation or some time to himself. If parents don't get away from their children once in awhile it could put a strain on their marriage. Arguments flair or depression sets in or a lack of sex occurs but in your case I don't think 'sex' is an issue with 9 kids...lol. Anyway, if your husband is willing, both of you need to sit down and discuss on why he wants a divorce. Once you have established his reasoning on such a sudden issue then maybe the both of you and correct the problem together. If he loves you then there shouldn't be a problem with the both of you to settle any differences that you both might have. I know that this had to have been a low blow and you weren't expecting this and it hurt like hell but hopefully maybe the two of you can talk things out and fix the issue to the problem. I wish you all the luck and I sincerely hope that things will turn out for the better between you and hubby. Take care and God Bless!
2007-07-31 04:31:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The "middle age crazy" perhaps?
It's a little unfair that if he leaves, you will more than likely be the one that keeps all the kids.
Tell him that you'll give him a divorce if he takes all of the kids with him (call his bluff).
Not to sound cruel or anything, but it's probably all of those kids and not you he wants to get away from.
Time for some serious family/marital therapy.
OR he could be having an affair. Sudden, unexpected changes of heart in what seemed to be a happy relationship can usually be traced to an affair.
In any case, if he thinks you're going to make all of the kids live with him, he knows he can't go out and date or do "single guy" stuff and he'll back off, accept his lot in life and suck it up.
2007-07-31 04:05:14 · answer #2 · answered by Chick-A- Deedle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, let me say that I'm very sorry this is happening to you. Divorce is worse than the death of a loved one because you never have closure like a funeral. Hang tough girl! As for him, I don't know anything about your financial status, but with 9 children, sometimes men get scared of what they thought they wanted and fear takes over. He may be worried about finances. More than likely, you have noticed some tell-tell signs over the past year and refused to believe them because you trust him totally and completely. We all do. Has he had a change in appearance, change in cologne, finding an excuse to be away from home for certain periods of time, the phone rings and no one answers when "you" pick it up, less interest in the children, perhaps additional behaviors uncommon to the man you knew. If any of these are true, he has met someone who has sparked an interest. This other person can paint and glorious picture for themselves and make the wife at home seem like "bride of Dracula". If you want your man back, you will have to steal him back from the grips of satan. Look your best, smell your best, always find time for him, give him massages, fix his favorite foods, be a little romantic with candles and such, do all the things you know he loves when intimate, get him to the point of ecstacy. If this works then back off and be hard to get. This will drive him crazy and make him wonder if their is someone else. Perhaps find a baby sitter and treat yourself to a movie or something and make him wonder where you are.
2007-07-31 04:13:38 · answer #3 · answered by ruthannlamb 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might be something that u didn't do on purpose. Maybe it's the sexual stuff.. or even boredom.. or even just wanting to be free.. It could be all types of things I couldn't know exactly what it is. But if he is saying that he wants a divorce ask him and see what;s wrong and see if it's anything fixable if not then he;s not worth it. If he can;t give it another try (I mean u have 9 kids) then he;s not worth it.. Get past the fact that he wants a divorce and just try to get over the pain once it comes... And just be there for your kids..
2007-07-31 04:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by mamas_love2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sincerely want to help you, but I only read through about the first half of that. The first thing I would mention is that Indian culture and American culture are probably more different than I could imagine, so I don't understand why the sister is so powerful. There has to be some logical, cultural reason for it. If there is not; get out. A family that dysfunctional is not worth being in. Second; if you're not happy, and you've tried to discuss this with your husband but continue being treated like a dog, Get Out. Third. Child abuse is a terrible, terrible crime that only repeats itself. The only thing worse than abusing a child is watching a child being abused, having the power to change the situation, and not changing it. The reason its worse is because the abuser is psychologically conditioned to abuse. The bystander is only held back by his or her own fear.
2016-05-18 22:53:51 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he say why? If he didn't, then ask him why. If you thought everything was going perfectly fine then I could see how you could be confused. Is there another woman involved? Find out if he is willing to go to counseling to discuss the issues and work them out. I mean, you guys have been together for a while and you have NINE kids together. I usually wouldn't say stay together for the kids, but in this case I think it is worth working out. If he is not willing to work it out then there's not anything you can really do. I hope he gets his head out of his *** and tries to keep his family together.
2007-07-31 04:04:40 · answer #6 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him, sorry, but with 9 kids this is not an option. We have no choice but to work this out. So we might as well get started now and you can forget the divorce.
2007-07-31 04:07:47 · answer #7 · answered by Don 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask and you shall seek answers... Talking is the best way to resolve any problems u may have so get to it....just trust in your relationship and in yourself, be confident your a strong woman after 9 children you can get through anything, He's the only one that have the answers sweetie.
Good Luck!
2007-07-31 04:05:34 · answer #8 · answered by angelrainbows2002 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG! 9 kids! First of all, I hope he has a good job to pay for all that child support!!
I think the "why not anymore" question is something you need to ask your husband.
2007-07-31 04:27:12 · answer #9 · answered by sugar♥barrels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him if he files then he gets the kids! That sucks maybe you should see if he will go to marrage counciling with you. Something is obviously wrong Maybe he is going through a midlife crisis. I would really try counciling before getting a divorse
2007-07-31 04:01:39 · answer #10 · answered by Lovely Lady 27 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋