would you read my story?

Question

Kaliope Alvarez. Not your average sixteen-year-old. Both her parents died when their spaceship crashed on Earth. They tried to escape their home planet which was being destroyed by Plutro Irzyk, a man from Planet Gortron that is terrorizing all weak planets. She, as a tiny baby, was the only one to survive. She grew up a tough girl living in Burbank, California. She lives in an orphanage. She starts fights with anyone at school who teases her about not having parents. By the time she is sixteen, it is the year 3000 and soon she gets discovered by the Galactic Union. They call the orphanage and insist she train with them. She agrees but only to get out of the life she leads. Now she is training to become a Valigent, who is any trained officer that is part of the Galactic Union. This union consists of many planets in the Milky Way Galaxy and they came together to protect the Universe from evil. They say she is a prodigy and her skills prove highly.

What the Galactic Union leaders know and what Kaliope doesn’t know is that she has powers, and is the only one who has powers in the entire Universe. She came from the planet Minkha which has now been destroyed by Plutro. Minkhans have the ability to heal with tears, to look into the future, to become invisible, and more. She is the last Minkhan alive and is therefore the only one with powers. The whole idea of her becoming a Valigent was so she could learn to protect herself before Plutro realizes she is the last Minkhan and tries to kidnap her and use her to his advantage. The Galactic Union leader has the crazy idea of her to go after Plutro, along with her new partner Jay R. Jay R. refuses to tell people his name because of a secret that was kept by his whole family for generations. Kaliope and Jay go on a crazy adventure across the Milky Way, to defeat Plutro Irzyk once and for all.

Answer 1

thats cool you have a very vivid imagination

Answer 2

Probably not, but that's just me. However, it doesn't really matter what I say. You write for yourself, not your audience. If you want to make this story happen, then do it, and maybe we'll all be surprised to see it on the Best Sellers List someday down the road. My only critique is that it seems a bit conventional. You can take the cliches that exist within writing and work with them, but you have to put a new twist on it. I don't know what that twist would be for you. Perhaps she initially joins Plutro because the Galactic Union is too restrictive on her growth before she realizes the mistake she's made by helping Plutro, the very man who killed her parents. Although, that seems kind of conventional, too, for some reason. Who knows? Think about it some more and remember that what the others and I say about whether or not we'd read it matters little. It's your story, you write it.

Answer 3

I just scanned the summary. Indeed, you do have quite an imagination. Your audience is young jr. highers? or high schoolers? You certainly have drama down pat.

I am a published author of children's short stories (31) and I'd be happy to look at the first couple of chapters and a plot outline of your novel. If it looks good after that, I can look at the rest, but I find that the style problems I run into are generally found all through the book, so if I get to them early, you may not need help in the remainder of the book.

For instance, many writers tell you what is happening in a scene. You must demonstrate and explain using dialog interspersed with action.

Assume the audience is smart enough to pick up on nuances and inferences. Don't talk down to them. That's offensive.

My name is Debbie. I've edited 4 books. I usually don't charge for my services unless the project turns out to be a black hole. I'd like a promise from you, though, that if I work on your story, you will try to market it. Find publishers that print this sort of novel, or find an agent who can find a publisher for you. Ok?

If you decide you'd like to work with me, e-mail me. I have a chronic illness, so I don't work away from home, but I do work at home.

Best wishes,


TX Mom
Debbie

P.S. Contrary to what others think, there is a huge market for books of this type. You can change the names a little so they are a little more memorable, if you like. Remember, your plot MUST be unique and entertaining.

Answer 4

Well, seriously, you could insert about 20 pages of information between each sentence. You could flesh out the first 3 sentences for 300 pages if you wanted to. At the moment it reads like a shopping list. All the best.

Answer 5

I just did! Pretty strange names and I think the whole healing with tears and being the only one who knows you have power has been done before but hey keep exploring.

Answer 6

sounds exciting

a bright kid with no parents goes into the military

then overcompensates in trying to be somebody important

because of the lack of praise in childhood

Answer 7

If after you finish putting it all together it reads like a good book then of course I will...otherwise no way.

CHeeRioS

Answer 8

I think futuristic/space fanatics would love it, but its not for me... I get bored by space stories and the names are confusing. Just think about your audience (I'm 16) and who do you want to read it and find ways to appeal to them.

Answer 9

Hmmmm, i dunno it is a little far fetched for a novel. Maybe a childrens book, but i don't think t many ppl are into that kind of thing.
You have good ideas though, keep trying!