She found a sex toy that I made for masturbation. She got so upset and said I might as well cheated on her. She also said I broke her heart, and that I'm a pervert and now she feels that she was not women enough for me. I love her very much but we are going through tough times and the sex has just been a chore lately. She has since told me I can still stay with her for know but I was told don't tell her I lover her, can't kiss her, can't even touch her. I feel lost in my marriage and have been getting counceling. My councelor said I'm not a pervert. My wife still gives me sex sometimes but claims she was out of it because she takes ambien medication but she still remembers it in the morning. What do I do?
2007-07-31 03:08:52 · 14 answers · asked by give_me_somedat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The toy was made with simple PVC pipe, nothing fancy. Weve been married 10 years and have two children. She knows that I masturbated before we got married and used to let me do it when she could not have sex for some reason for relief.
2007-07-31 03:22:42 · update #1
No you don't sound like a pervert, just human. I am very sorry for you, but she apparently doesnt have a very healthy view on sex. It sounds to me like you both need counseling, not just you.
I hope that she can work through her problems with sex, for both of your sakes. Talk to her about seeing your counselor seperately and then together....hopefully it will help.
Good Luck!!
2007-07-31 03:16:33 · answer #1 · answered by Bite me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very tough. Some religions are against self-pleasure so you must tread lightly. If you are already having problems then that is tough. Men have needs more than women and some women have needs more than men. If you involve her or do it together if she's not against it, it could be a new exploration for you two then she won't feel like you are 'cheating' on her. I would say you are not a pervert, you just have needs that she's not filling for you right now. Is she is counseling with you? Maybe a thought for joint counseling. You definately need to talk about it no matter how difficult it may be. How long have you been married?
2007-07-31 10:19:59 · answer #2 · answered by FL Sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your wife should not be upset that you masturbate or even that you use a toy for masturbating... However she could be upset if you masturbate instead of sex with her. ie you say no to sex with her but then you masturbate. (then you might have other issues too) But what she is probaably really upset with is that she FOUND it. you were HIDING it from her.
Masturbation is not wrong
It can be enjoyable.
It can also be a joint thing. Maybe you can masturbate her and she you and then yourselves together while you watch each other.
At this point in your troubles I'd recommend councelling with a marriage counceller who is also a good sex councellor for the Both of you.
2007-07-31 10:28:45 · answer #3 · answered by papa_lightning 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you resorting to "M"? Are you not married?
This is a red flag, that your wife is not meeting your primary needs. The question must be on the top of the list... "Why not?"
A helpful direction is to re-study your wife all over again. Say and DO the things that make her feel special. Don't expect a quick return. Do it simply because you love her. There is definately walls up for some reason. Hurt is possibly settled down in there. Find what makes her feel HER primary need. Cared about, loved, appreciated and special.
http://www.housefellowship.org
http://www.splashdesignworks.com
2007-07-31 10:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally sex toys and videos are ok. Its men and womens way of a little time alone to fantasize. Nothing wrong with that at all. The only thing that creeps me out is you MADE it? What could you have possibly made? That is a little weird and I probably would be a bit concerned as well.
2007-07-31 10:17:57 · answer #5 · answered by Maria 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is more her problem. Nothing wrong with anyone masturbating. She's seriously overreacting. (You may want to figure out why sex has become a chore)
She really need to talk to someone about why she feel so injured over this.
2007-07-31 10:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by burbam2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your wife seeking counseling? because either she needs to or find another counselor because it isn't working for her. She's got control issues! and needs to be educated about the human body...MEN MUST MASTURBATE, studies have shown that men who do no ejaculate have higher risks of prostate cancer! Does she want to cause you physical harm? Is she wanting you to die? Seriously, its a natural occurrence and a necessary one, for people. If she doesn't understand that, then she's the one who needs serious psychological help.
2007-07-31 10:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of putting the shoe on the other foot?What if your wife did the same thing,how would it make you feel?Is sex so important in your life that you would let it ruin your marriage?Sorry man but my wife is more important to me than that.It is a little thing called respect and you should show more,you belittled her and you would feel the same if she did it.Not growling at you just trying to be helpful,Please try to make up with your wife and make your marriage work,good luck.
2007-07-31 10:22:08 · answer #8 · answered by ronald m 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
We've got an entrepreneur on our hands. What was the sex toy you made, and did it work? I'm pretty disgusted by it, but hey, maybe you can make you some money off of it.
2007-07-31 10:13:59 · answer #9 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
theres nothing wrong with u becaused u enjoyed some masterbation. but there is something definetly wrong with ur wife, she should of been more interested and helped u but instead made a big deal out of it, i' d say take and get urself excited while ur in bed with her, make sure u have some lube handy and then give her some anal sex, make sure u hold on good, after she calms down and enjoyed it get rid of her.
2007-07-31 10:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by fred h 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋