I remember at my wedding shower, I was asked, "How many children do you plan on having?" I said, none and the room went dark. Like it was a terrible thing to say, sorry, but children are not for me.
His mom doesn't get it. She tried for years to get pregnant with him. My own mother is bright enough to get that I don't want to be pregnant. It's physical trauma, but she still says silly shite like, "you'll change your mind."
2007-07-31 02:39:48 · 22 answers · asked by qwertatious 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think its GREAT. If someone doesn't want children I would much rather see them without children than see them get the feeling of being tied down by their children and that general hate the world attitude some get.
However people having children is job security for me...I am a teacher.
2007-07-31 02:45:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a bit confused by a part of your question. When you state you don't want to be pregnant. Does this mean you don't want to carry children or you don't want to be a mother to children? I have to admit I've been guilty of that question one time. Luckily they wanted children. However, I understand why you feel the way you do. I don't know, seems to me there several aspects to this. Expectations would be the most obvious to me. We all as we approach our 30's begin having to deal with our parents new burgeoning expectations for you to marry and have their grandchildren. Parents don't understand this because they've had these ideas and expectations that you would fulfill in their lives for decades. It's very disappointing to dream and think about something for years and then find out that your not getting in the end. It's no excuse for bad behavior but you can empathize. The I also think there's a distinct difference in generations. While our parents we're of a different generation then those before them. We are very different from theirs in some aspects. So I think that there is somewhat of an ideological divide here. You need live your life for yourself and for your husband. These are your decisions to make together in life..............and the reality is at their age, they understand that as people age everything changes (from what we find important to what we believe about things) and that sometimes people do change their minds. So try to understand them, and let the things they say roll off and live your life. Good luck!!
2007-07-31 10:10:28 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you honey. I'm 24, been married 4 years, and now people are REALLY getting going with the kid thing. Doesn't help I married the only son of a Catholic/Hispanic family. His parents are getting a little irked I haven't popped them out a kid yet. If it makes you feel any better, there are MANY women who choose not to have children. Apparently, there was a survey done in the 80's that ranked having kids as #3 on a list of importance in a marriage. Last year, kids were #9. As you can see, we are the beginning of a generation that has decided having kids isn't the end all be all of life and a good marriage. Keep your head held high, you are not a uterus with legs!
2007-07-31 09:51:27 · answer #3 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel anything about it personally, I think its a choice that people make, and yes, they do sometimes change their minds. It happens.
You have to realize too, that his mom wanted children very much, to think you don't is literally not within her realm.
You mother is wise to realize that one day you may change your mind, and shes giving you leave to do that.
You may not want to physically carry and deliver, but that doesn't mean no children. You may simply not want to live with the demands that children make, that's OK too as long as your fiance is fine with it. Moms want grandchildren to spoil and love, don't be too hard on them.
Life changes all of us, if it does come time that you feel the urge to procreate, don't not do it just because you once said so. The way we are in our twenties is not the same as the way we are in our forties, a smart person takes that into account.
2007-07-31 09:50:56 · answer #4 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you know you don't want kids. if your mom knows, i'm sure your husband knows this to. (least i hope you two had this discussion) look, i want a big family, i have three already. i enjoy it. not everyone wants kids. and guess what? that's okay. what you decide in your life has no bearing on anyone else's happiness. i love my kids, but i have to admit, being pregnant wasn't the most fun in the world. but my kids were worth it.
if you change your mind, you'll change your mind on your terms. if you don't, you won't. the world won't stop if you never have children. but you will be happy. with your husband. and isn't that what really matters anyway??
2007-07-31 11:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great! Expect a lot of stupid questions from a lot of people who don't get it, but it is your decision. People used to ask me when I was going to have children. It had been several years of marriage at that time. I'd say "after my husband takes me to Europe for a month." People never knew what to think.
It's a personal decision and not for everyone. Maybe you will change your mind, but maybe you won't and that's your perogative. There are still people who think the purpose of marriage is to make babies, so expect some to not "get it."
2007-07-31 09:50:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's a personal choice. Some people have no desire to have children. I think it shows great responsibility on the part of a person who knows that children are not for them and goes to great lengths to make sure it doesn't happen. It makes much more sense for someone who knows they don't want children NOT to have them, then to go ahead and have one because of pressure from family, society etc and then not have their whole heart into it. Parenting is tough and rewarding...I'm sure choosing to be child free in this society is also tough and rewarding as well. Good for you for knowing who you are and what you want for your life.
2007-07-31 09:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by Jbuns 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i think it's a personal choice. I think there is nothing at all wrong with it. I think those couples get more time to devote to the relationship get to travel and explore without being tied down. I also think a child can be of benefit. If you both don't want them no reason to feel pressure to have them. It's perfectly fine to live your own lives child freee. i agree with your mom you could one day change your mind if you don't that's fine too.
2007-07-31 09:49:15 · answer #8 · answered by golly geesh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong with your choice, so long as its what you and he both want. Be understanding to them, Its hard to imagine anyone, especially a woman, not wanting to feel the love and special bond only a child could bring. Its not something you can understand until you've felt it. And most of us would give ourselves 3 times over for our children, physical trauma be damned, thats all. And never say never...I've known plenty of people who said they never want children and then just up and change their minds one day. Its ok either way.
2007-07-31 09:58:45 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I only want one child, but to each their own. It is your body and you and your husband's decision. If you don't want children, then fine. No one can force you. And it isn't like it is the end of the world and we don't have plenty of people populating the earth already, right? So go ahead, don't have children if that is what you and your husband have decided. I know plenty of married couples who are in their 40's, they don't have children, and don't plan to!
2007-07-31 09:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by gorgeous 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋