We met on the internet about three years ago. we keep in contact through the phone and emails. we are from different countries and work commitments and visa restrictions keep us apart. last year, we met in person, spent a week together and we liked each other. my biological clock is ticking and i really just want to have a child by him but he wants to get married. i am worried that it may not work out because we do not really know each other. but since i am planning to have his child, i think that it is in the best interest of the child to have a legitimate father. He is a great guy but marriage is such a big decision. I have a lot of doubts.
2007-07-31 01:45:52 · 24 answers · asked by hibiscus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why do you want a child? Is there a shortage of them? There is about 2 Billion people living in India and China. Do we really need more people?
2007-07-31 01:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by Gender Different 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your biggest concern shouldn't be whether your child will have a legitimate father. You should want a FATHER in his/her life. Have you thought about how it is going to work with you two living in different countries? Who is going to relocate for the sake of the child? If you think it is hard for you two to see each other, imagine what it will be like for this child. That is not fair for your child to miss out on what a REAL family is. What is the point of being married if you can't be a family? If you are questioning the marriage then a child is out of the question. Now if you don't care about being married to have a child, then why not go to a sperm bank? That is your best bet. DO NOT bring a child into this world under these circumstances. You need to re-think everything. Having a child is a HUGE decision. Picking who to have one by is a eighth of the battle. Now try balancing custody with a man who lives in another country? Or you or him being unhappy with relocating to another country, therefore taking away from your child? DO NOT get married and DO NOT have a child with someone you don't even want to marry. Good luck sweetie.
2007-07-31 09:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by handvict81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused by this question, because you say marriage is a big step, but having a child isn't? Marriage can be reversed, pregnancy and children can't. I would say think about this before you act on it. Being married is the best option if you are even thinking about having children. But a week together is certainly not a long enough period of time to really know if your ready to live and be married to someone. I would give it some time.
2007-07-31 08:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by catrina230 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not to be taken lightly and if you really don't know this person then don't marry them. That's my opinion. Your biological clock may be ticking, but go to a sperm bank. Do it the safe way. Why would you just want him to get your pregnant? I mean, I can understand why from your point of view but it doesn't make sense to me. In my opinion, I would rather get married to him than to have his child and bring a child up and have to explain to them that I met your father online, had sex with him and we had you.
2007-07-31 08:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can't half blame you for having doubts. You never really know someone. If you go through with this I sincerely hope that he doesn't turn into a manipulative, abusive, jerk after you're married. Wouldn't want to bring a child into that environment.
In my opinion, having a child is a poor excuse to get married. Marriage should be about two people wanting to spend their life together. Living in love, happiness and mutual respect.
2007-07-31 08:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see trouble all over this issue!!
Different cultures have different views on all sorts of things. You might have his child and then he might take it back with him to his country. There is no way you can get to know someone in a week. Anyone can behave that long. If it's a child you want, visit adoption agencies. There are millions of beautiful children waiting to be loved. Or use a sperm bank. Never marry anyone if you have any doubts. Even many of those of us who were so sure got sucked in and spit out.
2007-07-31 08:59:31 · answer #6 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are his countries customs the same as yours? That's one thing to ask yourself. Where are you going to live? The longevity of your communication is a good sign. Biological clocks can tick for many years before you can not longer reproduce. My concern is that in your question, not once did you say you were in love with this man. And if you have a child with him, there's no guarantee he'll stay with you.
2007-07-31 09:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by Lioness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you better re-think the whole idea. Getting married is a big step but it can be reversed. Having a child is for life. If you are not sure that you want to be married to this guy, and you just want a child, then go to a sperm bank instead of using this guy as one.
2007-07-31 08:55:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.....please don't marry this man! If you have doubts, don't marry him. If you're thinking of marrying him just to have a father to your child, don't marry him. If you barely know each other, don't marry him!
My god...how selfish of you to want pretty much just anyone to be your CHILD's father. Do you think it will be fair to this child when one day (probably in the near future) you have to put this child through her parent's getting divorced because they finally figured out they have nothing in common and made a huge mistake to begin with? Then, there you are a single parent with a child who has no father figure to look up to.
2007-07-31 08:52:57 · answer #9 · answered by misses_f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
other than the obvious reasons that have already been pointed out have you REALLY considered the pros and cons of having a baby with someone you don't know? you really will be a part of this man's life forever if you have his child. there is another thing to consider. he is not from your country. (not that itself is bad) but for visitation that he will rightly have you have to consider your child might possibly have to travel to his country. different countries, different cultures, different set of rules and laws all together. depending on his country and culture he can get the rights to keep your child there. are you prepared for that? do you know his background? medical histories? views on parental rights? there is so much to consider i hope you think this through before having his baby or even marrying him. good luck.
2007-07-31 09:04:44 · answer #10 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋