Engagement Rings...what has it become?

Question

I see alot of questions on here concerning engagement rings, either about "how to get the one I want" or "should I let him pick it" types and would love to know everyone's thoughts on this, especially those of you already married. This is just my opinion, but I love the idea of the man choosing the ring, and surprising (as much as he can) the woman. This is how my fiancee did it. But see, I love the ring for what it symbolizes, not just because it's beautiful. Wouldn't care if it came out of a gumball machine. I see alot of conflicting opinions, and I'm not judging - just curious! There are all sorts of rings out there, and I guess I'm kind of sad to see that some women really seem to be competing, or complaining, and won't take anything less than what they absolutely want. Some say men can't be trusted to pick a good one out, and that's sad. Some say "I have to wear it forever, so it has to be perfect". Isn't it perfect because it came from the man you love? What are your thoughts?

King of Pythons, I don't think I'm being naive. So you're telling me that if a man truly loves a woman, but they're very poor, he loves her less because he can't afford to buy her a nice ring, or a ring at all? That dictates love? And this also isn't about me being naive, I'm just stating my opinion. My fiancee spent money on mine, yes, and it's beautiful, but my point is that I wouldn't think less of him if he didn't - words say so much more. That's not being naive, that's being realistic.

Answer 1

My first engagement ring was the most beautiful 1/4 carat diamond I ever saw. My then, husband to be, picked it out. I was on cloud nine. It wasn't the ring, it was the symbol of his love, that meant the most to me. I wore that ring through the next 25 years. One our 25th wedding anniversary, he told me to jump in the car...he had a special place he wanted to take me to, for our anniversary. I jump in the car and lo and behold, we stop in front of the local jewelers.

I mentioned to him that it was late and the store was obviously closed. He said, "Not for us, it isn't." I looked at him and wondered, "What could he possibly be talking about?" We walked up to the door and knocked on it. The owner of the store opened the door for us. It was then that I found out, that the store was closed JUST FOR US. The jeweler approached me with an small thin paper "envelope." He said "Here open this. This is a gift from your husband. Happy Anniversary." When I opened the envelope, there placed inside, was the most beautiful 2 carat loose diamond I had ever seen. The owner said, "Now, let's you and I go to the back of the store and design a mounting just for this special stone."

I never expected such a gift and of course, never expected to have the store all to ourselves. It's not the stone that meant the world to me, it was the way in which my now, ex-husband presented it to me.

If I ever marry again, it won't matter if the new man in my life, gives me a diamond at all. It's his love that I want most of all. That is priceless....

Answer 2

Depends on the age of the two people involved. Long engagements are sometimes necessary if the couple wants a wedding in a certain venue, because some places book as much as two years in advance. I'm not a fan of the indefinite engagement, though. If you're not ready to set a date, don't get engaged. The whole point of getting engaged is planning to get married... with no plans, what's the point?

Answer 3

I really think the couple should go together to pick it out because #1- the size should be fitted # 2. There might be a certain style the woman might have in her mind. I also think it will bond them that much closer together. Myself, I got what I could afford, my girlfriend then, now my wife for 26 years, was glad just get a ring. My wife wears a size 4, which, most rings need to be re-sized to fit her finger. I think that is the main reason I think they should go to gether, but that is only my thoughts on the subject.

Answer 4

My fiance asked me to go with him to pick out my engagement ring. He was too scared to do it alone, and wasn't sure of my style. Of course, I would have proudly wore whatever he chose, but I thought is was sweet that he wanted my input. I didn't say a word the whole time...he just pointed to the ones he liked and I tried them on for him. The funny thing was, he wanted to see what each ring looked like on my finger before making his decision. If anything, HE wanted it to be perfect. I would have worn anything, but this ring IS the ring of my dreams. I guess I'm just lucky to have a guy with good taste.

It makes me sad to hear that some girls compete with each other over their rings, or "upgrade" to what it is they want. To them, the material value outweighs the sentimental value, and I find that selfish. I would gladly wear the smallest most imperfect stone, diamond or other, or no stone at all if it came from the man I love.

Answer 5

I agree. My husband picked out my ring. He didn't have a lot of money. All he could afford was a 1/4kt diamond marquise ring. But when he gave it to me I thought it was the most beautiful ring I ever saw. He was very apologetic that he couldn't get me a bigger ring. I didn't car. I didn't care if it was a pop top from a soda can. I had the guy that I loved and chose me to marry him. 14 years have passed and I still wear the ring. We have looked at bigger rings over the years but to me they are not as pretty as my small simple ring. For our 10 year anniversary, he bought me 10 diamond (1kt total) anniversary ring. I wear my engagement and anniversary ring toghether. They look so beautiful together. I wouldn't trade them for anything. And I still have the guy!

Answer 6

Amen! I could not agree with you more!

Just saw a show on the History Channel...did you know that giving a diamond as an engagement ring was invented by DeBeers? (the diamond people)

If a woman can't "trust" her man to find a ring for her - then what does that say about her deep-seated issues about him in the first place?

Answer 7

I totally agree with you. It was lovely to get something which he chose for me - and although he chose something totally beautiful (not pricey, either), it is just so special because he thought "I" would love it. Yes, it is the symbolism which is important, and mature women realize this.
What I also have trouble with is women saying that they want to have the ring 'upgraded' in the future -- what an insult!
I think if a woman wants a specific type of ring, she should save money herself and get that bling as a dress ring for herself!

Answer 8

An engagement ring is some silly thing made up to prove that men can provide for their women. I don't believe in that.

I do not believe that my husband has to provide for me anymore than I should provide for him. We both work. Who makes more money? Who cares!

As for engagement rings, I never got one and I never wanted one. I'm not much for jewelery. Love is enough, why do I need something to symbolize it?

What I really hate is when women say, "If you don't have a ring, you're not really engaged" or "He's just saying he'll marry you, but without a ring he's lying!" No. Not true.

I also don't like the idea of a suprise attack engagement. Not every women thinks about marriage just because she's dating someone and that ring and the promise of a wedding can be pretty tempting for a woman...A wedding does not make a marriage. I think the suprise attack engagement adds pressure for the woman, (the guy had a lot of time to think about marriage before asking) and it's actually a factor in divorce.

Answer 9

I think you're right...except a lot of men don't take the initiative to get to know their woman anymore and what she would like.
Both my husbands insisted on the biggest diamond they could afford...when all I wanted was something dainty and respectful, something that when you looked at it said yep that's the ring for you. And it was always less expensive then what they picked out. Not gawdy and obnoxious that screams stay away from my woman. Quite frankly I found it embarrassing when people would mention the ROCK on my finger, and eventually turn the ring so no one could see the diamond.

Answer 10

I think that your idea on this is very lovely but maybe just a little naive. While the engagement ring is a symbol of your commitment to be together forever it is also been taken as an idea of how much the man feels about the woman he is going to marry. And while you cannot expect that the man will go broke buying the ring getting it "out of a gumball machine" would suggest that he cares very little.