What do i do???

Question

I left my wife in november and we are in the final process of a divorce (last few days of process) we have been trying to be friends has been working for about the last few weeks. well this weekend was the first weekend My gf was alowed around my little girls (7 &9) we went to a local pool on sat then shopping. and on sunday went to a childrens museum. any way my D's went home sunday evening and told her what a great time we had. we even talked some on monday but monday night she called and asked how could betray her like that and that i think she is a fool what can i do to make it a little better with her

I went ywsterday and talked with her she said i could never have any kind of relationship with her anymore because of the betrayal and that i needed to stay away from her unless i was picking up or dropping off the girls. well it was worth a shot thanks for the input i read each one of them and gave thumbs up to the really good ones

Answer 1

From what it sounds like, your soon to be ex wife was not the one who wanted the divorce. So everytime she hears about you and your girlfriend having a fun time, it's like rubbing salt in a cut.

If you were that concerned about " making things better" for her, the time for that would have been while you were still married! Now, it's pretty much too late. The damage is done.
No matter what you do, she is hurt. And any relationships you have that she hears about are going to hurt her feelings until she gets on with her own life.

You can forget about "being friends". I told another question poster yesterday that the phrase "lets be friends" is code for " Lets keep in touch in case you change your mind and want to get back together". ~~~It never works. Remain polite and kind and considerate but stop calling it a friendship because, at least for now, it's not. Calling it that is just making it harder for your ex to have closure.

There isn't much you can do to fix this. She needs to get counseling. But it's not your place to suggest that. If you are close with a mutal friend, maybe you could ask them to suggest it to her.

I would, however, make sure that if she calls you and says things like that again, that she's not saying it in front of those kids. They should not be made to feel badly about having a good time with you. And neither of you should bad mouth the other in front of the kids. That is unfair to them and makes them feel like they have to either choose sides or protect their mom.

Answer 2

She's jealous...did you ever do that kind of stuff with her when you were married? Its a big problem....guys get all the good, fun relaxing weekends and the moms get the everyday to day struggles and humdrum. (which isn't all bad), but she does have to do the majority of the disciplining and chores, where as when they go over to dads for just a couple of days they get to relax . Its not your fault, but no one ever thinks about it that way until it happens. Take on more responsibility during the week. Picking the girls up from school or childcare, cooking dinner, getting them ready for bed, dropping them off at school in the a.m. Do more of the day to day stuff, so that she can relax more and then enjoy them on her weekend to have them.
I have a friend who purposely stayed close to his children, bought a place in their school district. So they could go home from school to either home depending on who they are supposed to stay with. Its takes a lot of effort to remind the kids who's home they are staying at. But none the less, he doesn't just have weekends, he has several nights during the week as well. He and his wife stay in good communication, because the kids lives and happiness are far more important than their own little fights and disagreements.

Answer 3

Well if you are getting a divorce than you must have a reason for that. You have a gf now and the kids have to like her if you guys are going to make it. It will take time for your wife to get over it and she is going to make your life a living hell because someone else is going to take her place with the kids and you and that is what she is going to have to deal with but you guys will always have something in common the kids were made by you guys and that will always be. Good luck

Answer 4

I am guessing that a gf is the reason for the divorce? You should have waited until after the divorce was final to start parading her around. I can't imagine how confusing this would be for your girls, either. How about thinking about someone else for a change?

Answer 5

I've been through it myself. You don't feel anything wrong with it becasue you left her and are ready to move on. She feels hurt by the divorce. Now you are moving on with a new woman, fairly quickly, and involving the daughters. To her it feels like she is being pushed aside in all aspects and this other woman is moving in. Just give it time, do things with the new girlfriend but leave the daughters home with there mom when you do. Then go and do things just with your daughters. You will bond closer to them and they will love the special attention with there dad too. I was in her situation and I know how it feels, eventually though,when she meets someone else too she will feel better about it and not mind it so much.

Answer 6

Why couldn't you wait until the divorce is over? She is obviously having a difficult time. You left, she's hurt. Lay off the new "family thing" until the divorce is over. She feels that you are still legally married and she has already been replaced with this new "fun" woman.

Answer 7

Id see a counselor it may cost you a few pounds but it will save you doing the guilt trip ( which your wife has put you on the path evidently ) and save you more in the long run because you wont be emotionally blackmailed into being passive and therefore vulnerable to her financial rip offs .

Answer 8

Hey man, this topic sucks dont you think. Seems like your happy with your gf. Either way. Dont hurt your wife/ex in anyway or dont make her feel small.

I have loved and lost and was never lucky to find another like you have. So if i were you... I would be more sensitive towards ur ex

Answer 9

I'm divorced and the same thing happened to me sorta. It's a jealousy thing. She deep down is jealous of your relationship with her and the kids. Mostly the kids and her. It hurts to know that your kids can have fun with a substitute of her.

Answer 10

I don't understand what you did wrong. You are getting a divorce. Were you supposed to be single forever?? You didn't make the girls call her "mommy" did you??? I really don't get some women.