My husband and I have decided to file for divorce. I have decided i want sole custody because he does not know how to take care of her. And he is somehow involved with this creapy 50 year old man (my husband is 23) anyways that is part of the reason for divorce. I know he doesnt want full custody but he said he kind of wanted weekends. I will let him see her whenever he wants and she can stay at his mom's and he can stay there too. Just want to know did anyone have trouble getting sole custody of your kids? Or i would like to hear from anyone who has been divorced. this is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.
2007-07-31 01:41:28 · 10 answers · asked by heather_michelle41607 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to clarify i still love my husband very much and do not want to take my baby away from him. But he has not seen her in over two weeks, he with friends who smoke all the time. At this point he is not a fit parent. And i doubt he will fight it. I told him i will still let him see her whenever he wants.
2007-07-31 03:33:07 · update #1
choice_4_men....her reason is extremely valid. I wouldn't let my daughter stay with her father until he can prove to me that he can care for her. When he comes by now, he'll play with her for a minute and then just walk off and leave her on the couch! Though I've repeatedly told him that she's rolling now. Its stupid stuff like that, that worries me. He doesn't think ahead, gets busy doing something and forgets about her. And some 50 year old man, whom I don't know, that may or may not be a child molester? OH HELL NO! The idea of him visiting her @ his moms house is a much better idea. She isn't saying he can't see his daughter...she just wants someone who has a clue how to take care of a child to be there.
2007-07-31 02:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, there is a difference between custody and visitation agreements.
Joint custody allows you both to make certain decisions in the life of the child, whereas sole leaves these decisions to the sole custodial parent. Then there is a visitation agreement that controls who has the child at particular times. It is good to have a visitation agreement to keep one parent from using the child as a pawn. These are standardized or can be mediated on. And of course you can do whatever you mutually agree on.
If the other party agrees, the court will do whatever the parties want.
It sounds like in this case you could use a mediator and mediate an agreement.
I would suggest mediating this situation, with Joint custody, and a standard visitation agreement. You will also be able to mutually agree on visitations any way you want.
If there is a custody fight, you will have about a 50/50 chance of probably getting sole custody. The issue with the old man is probably irrelevant.
2007-07-31 01:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by madcat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you have SOLE custody? You both made the decision to marry together. You both slept together. You both produced a wonderful baby girl together.
I believe shared custody should be the DEFAULT during separation unless a parent is proven seriously unfit. Many mothers and fathers don't know whatt to do when they become parents, but they learn quick. So your reason isn't valid.
UPDATE: Gypsy her point is NOT valid. If she was concerned about finding Daddy Daycare, she should have watched how he was with children BEFORE choosing to have a daughter by him. Afterwards its too late. I have a strong feeling this mentality people have of the child being a 'possession' is what contributes to alot of arguing and ultimately failed relationships.
2007-07-31 01:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually whoever files for custody will get it, especially if the other aprty does not put up a fight for it. If the other person is trying to get it to, you might run into some problems. The court usually tries to keep the children with the mother; however, if the father can prove that he is more capapble of providing for the child and is pushing for custody, he might have a chance.
2007-07-31 01:46:01 · answer #4 · answered by Care 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound rather judgmental --- saying that he does not know how to take care of her. He probably doesn't do it like you would, but we all have our own way of taking care of kids. No two people do it alike.
As for his relationship with this guy...don't let this dislike impact how you treat him as a human being. You liked him once upon a time, or you would have never married him. As hard as it will be, just step outside the situation and realize that sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, and that no matter what, you are always going to be tied to him through your child. So, for her sake, you need to learn to be civil and considerate towards him, regardless of what you think of him and his choices.
As for sole custody...you would have to prove that he is unfit in order to strip him of his visitation rights. Don't know where you live, but that is a rough thing to do, unless abuse or drugs, or something drastic like that is happening. Not real sure of the status of him and his new friend, but if it is what you are implying, then that relationship does not automatically count him out of custody or visitation with his child.
Let it all go to court. Be reasonable with him, and give him the weekends or whatever. My guess is if you play nice, he just might do the same. I seriously doubt that he is going to want to try and raise this daughter on his own, so I don't think you have anything to worry about regarding custody. Sole custody does not mean that he gets no visitation. It just means that you would make the majority of decisions that involve your child. Until he proves himself as a possible source of harm to your child, then you should not try and prevent him from spending time with her. Regardless of what you think of him, he is always going to be her father.
You could travel this path two different ways....you could be hateful and nasty,and have this whole thing drag on and on and eventually damage the emotional stability of your child, or you and him could BOTH choose to be mature adults and reasonable towards each other in regards to the child. Working together to raise this child will be the ultimate reward. Learn to put your feelings aside, as hard as it seems.
I say if he has a place to take her and see her on the weekends, (his mom's), then you shouldn't really fuss. Yes, this whole thing is going to be hard, but make the transitions NOW, while she is small. That way you have things in place for when she is older and begins to make sense of it all.
Good luck!
2007-07-31 02:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. Well my parents are divoreced. Im going through the same thing you're little girl is going through. Im 12.
Anyways my dad also wants the weekends but i dont want anythign to do with him cause hes really not a good man and i know it. If u know tht ur husband is a good man and will take care of your daughter than u should let her stay at his mums sometimes but when u are sure tht he's not a good man, than u must not let her go to him. Like in my case, i know tht my dad might even one slap me or somethign which is why i talked to the judge and told him i want to stay with my mum. SO maybe u should also consult ur girl and see what she wants. oh and my dad also want custody of me
2007-07-31 01:49:15 · answer #6 · answered by vision_star95 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are two versions of custody. there is joint or sole legal custody, and joint or sole physical custody. chances are you will have sole physical custody. since he only wants weekends. most judges move toward joint legal custody. this allows both parents to partake in all matter concerning the child such as school, medical issues and so forth. i say ask for sole physical and legal custody. just don't be surprised if the judge says joint legal custody. but if your daughter lives with you, then you will be granted sole physical custody.
2007-07-31 04:28:29 · answer #7 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am fighting for sole custody of my two daughter's too..
it's going to take us at least a year my lawyer said before this will even go to court...but it sounds like he just agrees on the weekend thing so you might not have a problem with him signing off on that..see my soon to be ex is fighting me tooth and nail for sole custody of our kids..even though he see's them every weekend...but if he agrees on u having sole custody and just want's her on the weekends i think u don't have a problem getting it...u might want to contact a lawyer though just to ask a few questions on that and make for sure that u will get it..
2007-07-31 02:27:22 · answer #8 · answered by lisa s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion...if he is "gay" he should not be allowed to live the gay lifestyle around your child...and that's that! So, if supervised is an option...request that...and ask that he not be allowed to have the child around this "man". You should have no problem getting sole custody due to his lifestyle. I child needs to be taught right and wrong, and the courts should see that too.
2007-07-31 02:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope he gets the rights he deserves!!!
2007-07-31 01:44:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋