Poem for my peoples.?

Question

Whats up wit me
see
I can't get this heat
Its so hot that my body is in shock
Mind is blocked
By the protection
of my heart
Defendending it from rejection
Trying hard not to think how quick my hand got tired
Tryna get hired
Trying not to sob
On the fact that in July its easy to get a job
but when ya
Have it hard in this phase
these days
You try not to blow
you know
You gotta keep it focus
And hope its
Not to late for the things
you dream
And your self esteem is getting lower
Until your lowered
into depression
You get sick certain occasions
Your flesh takes over you
You try to fight but lose no matter wat you do
But the thing thats get you
Is this life isn't by you nor for you
You have to stand head high
Bright skies
Cause your alive
Last night
While you were sleeping you didn't die
Even though self esteem was low
Depression was high
You were looking death in its eyes
You woke up!
Give Happiness 100% Intead of 2,Your living for the love of u

Answer 1

Okay, well, if you want to write for a specific subculture, then you need to go to that group for comment. If, however, you want general poetic review, you've come to the right place...just don't get upset with editors who correct your spelling, grammar, or question your use of ethnic idioms.

"what's", not "whats"
"with", not "wit"
"It's", not "Its"
"Defending", not "defendending"
"trying to", not "tryna"
"it's easy", not "its easy"
"you", not "ya"
"have to", not "gotta"
"focused", not "focus"
"it's", not "its"
"too late", not "to late"
"you're", not "your"
"what", not "wat"
"that's", not "that"
"getting", not "get"
"you're alive", not "your alive"
"two", not "2"
"you", not "u"

I understand that you might see poems written in a text-message style from time to time...but these are not good examples of poetry. Poetry is made up of words, and just like you want people to get your name right, words want the proper attention they deserve.

If, however, you feel "wit" and "gonna" are more appropriate for the ethnic tone, then leave them in and just correct those misspellings that had nothing to do with slang. Understand this, however, when "you" use slang with an ethnic twang, you leave the door open for others not of your group to use the same words...in other words, you've legitimized the word for others to use. If you get angry when others use a word that you believe belongs to only your group, then don't show others who are not in your group your private words...or they "will" use them, thinking that they are just words. I'm not saying you think one way or the other, I'm only stating the ground rules which you probably already know anyway.

I found your poem had a raw attraction to it. I think the corrections will not take away from its feel and will allow the eye to read them without stuttering.

You have a good ear, so keep writing.

Answer 2

The day I'm disgusted by love or love poems kick me into a grave, I will be already dead. There is a great beauty in the piece you have posted. I have been reading poems from a book called "World Poetry, An Anthology of verse from Antiquity to our Time". There are a couple or a dozen love poems in the section from the bronze and iron ages that made me blush, and reminded me again how universal love and sexual expression of love is. There is nothing new under the sun, but the expression of love seems to be still relevant after 5000 years. Kinda gives you hope, right?

Answer 3

It's either about depression or some bodily disease that has mental complications along with it.