this is my first book im 13 years old: days were bad and nights were worse. for that was when her dad would stumble in from a bar, he had just been kicked out of.first he would stumble up stairs to his bed room. where his wife was awaken be the slamming of the door and the ranting of her husband. also woken up by then nioses their daughter. both mother and daughter knew what would come that night. the drunken man began to beat his wife with nolenence as if she were some kind of animal. after done there he moved on to his daughter who had began to cry. he walked in and did what ever he wanted to her and her mother does nothing. but tonight was diffrent she decided 2 fight back. and she gave her all but it was not enough. it just made him angrier and he beat her bad. then her mother finally noticing that her 11 year old is begging for help and she was only not helping her becuz she wa afraid of what he would do but by the time she got there her daughter was dead.
2007-07-31 00:44:02 · 5 answers · asked by karen h 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Karen, what you've written here would best be shown to the reader by using character dialogue of each of the events portrayed.
Break them down and put life into the tragedy of the moment. Bring your characters alive by their dialogue with one another.
Previous comments are correct--you have a problem with words spelled incorrectly, using abbreviations like the number 2 that should read as "to," using becuz that should be "because," and not capitalizing the first word in each sentence. There are more grammatical problems in sentence structure and transition, but this is enough for now.
In working with your story, concentrate heavily on your English courses in school--even to the point of meeting with your English teacher for guidance to improve your writing.
Writing is an art for development. It doesn't all come at once, but through study and application of English rules. And writing so often brings joy and fulfillment to the author. Please continue with it.
2007-07-31 01:30:12 · answer #1 · answered by Guitarpicker 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it is a good start and I noticed allot of missed words so go back and fix them if you want to really be a writer you must first remember that words are what tell the story and if you don't write them well nobody will understand the full story or if you are for real or kidding around. The words themselves told me a good story but I couldn't fully stay in tune because I kept finding myself looking for the miss spelled words and also noticed Capitalization was a problem. Other then this I thought it was a great beginning.You the spell check next time O.K. nuff said.
2007-07-31 01:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by yahoo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're able to could proceed it because of the fact it gets top to the element and frequently the commencing up of a narrative is very boring, yet you in addition to could could upload slightly greater factor! Get imaginitive!!
2016-10-08 21:37:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as the previous answer said, you do have a lot of errors, but it sounds like it has a good story line. sad, but good. keep writing!! :)
2007-07-31 01:15:48 · answer #4 · answered by hpink 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Bad grammar. Also it's depressing I wouldn't read this book. Sorry.
2007-07-31 01:22:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋