As I go back to the gym
It's been a while, I'm back again
I think I'd better start out slow
I start to jog, its turned down low
Then some woman starts a pace
Like somehow she wants to race
With all my male testosterone
I start to run, but soon do groan
That male pride got the best of me
That men should win, as it should be
I quess nobody told her that
I backed it down, but did burn fat
She turned her head and gave a grin
I nodded back that she did win
Hey I said, its been a while
She saw my gut and then did smile
I think I'll try and squat some steel
But halfway up, my knees do keal
Then someones says, try this machine
They just got done, and wiped it clean
I do some reps and feel real proud
I grunted low, then grunted loud
Then someone points me to the bin
If I want weight I need this pin
2007-07-31 00:23:57 · 13 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I thought it was funny...
2007-07-31 00:29:19 · answer #1 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, yes, it is humorous. It is also quite good, but there are a few lines that need revision. Rather than rewrite them for you, I'd like you to have someone read this out loud to you and don't you stop or correct them. Listen to how they read it and you'll hear what I hear, which is not what you want them to hear at times, but how it's written. When you hear a hard spot, fix it. You can do it, I can tell by the lines you wrote that work well. Once you have the few lines fixed up, you'll have a nice piece of humorous poetry.
nicely done
2007-08-02 20:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like some others said, it is a bit rough in spots, but overall I think it's great. Yes, it is humorous, and I'm sure quite a few people can relate to what you're talking about. I know if I'd go to a gym I'd make a complete butt out of myself, lol.
Good job, keep writing!
2007-07-31 08:13:27 · answer #3 · answered by Starfall 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could relate and enjoyed the poem wasn't perfect and I groaned. Could use some fine tuneing here and there--other then that it is perfectly great and I must say to all the viewers cutting each other down is not what this furum is suppose to be all about.
2007-07-31 07:55:03 · answer #4 · answered by yahoo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's pretty good! Yeah,it's funny in some parts,like in the 4th or 5th verse :) Real poetry is even better with some humor in it,because otherwise it's ''boring'' poetry. Thanks for sharing!
2007-07-31 07:27:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It was funny. Nice ending.
2007-07-31 09:24:33 · answer #6 · answered by Todd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I do find it funny. Good almost great. but yeah funny
2007-07-31 08:14:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anthony M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is humorous.
2007-08-01 02:33:50 · answer #8 · answered by aisha felynfils 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol i think its funny
and a very nice read
good job
2007-07-31 07:26:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lacrymosa_Mourning 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah, it was good for a grin.
2007-07-31 12:27:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋