Do you like this poem?

Question

Everyone surely has darkness
Hidden somewhere in their heart
Sometimes it prevents them
From living as they wish

We can't imagine other people's pain
It's hard for us to share it

But if I meet someone
Whom I really want to face
I don't want to feel fear

You shut the door of your heart with a violent noise
And lost the key to open it
A long time ago
So please tell me
Exactly what you feel
Just with common words
And with common expressions
Please let me hear

It's so fearful to believe
What is invisible and formless
But if you can do so
Don't you feel it's wonderful?

Even in the middle of such a grey city
Where you can hardly hold yourself together

Don't laugh so weakly
With a resigned look
As if to say "Such is life"

Where is the person
Who could get what he wanted
Without making any sacrifices
You see?
You have the thing which I long for
Which I had lost and will never get again
However strongly I wish for it

You shut the door of you

You shut the door of your heart with a violent noise
And lost the key to open it
A long time ago
So please tell me
Exactly what you feel
Just with common words
And with common expressions

It's so dazzling to me

Answer 1

beautiful......... :)) It also makes quite alot of sense too. You should work harder to get your work out there and you could become famous or you could be a music writer.

Answer 2

Do I like this poem...hmmm, not too much. It isn't really a poem, you see. It has some poetic lines, but mostly it's prose. It's nice prose, but it's still prose.

So what makes a poem different than prose? It isn't just adding line breaks, it's the voice and intent. What you wrote was a disseration on human nature, not a poem about it. Poems paint a picture, prose describes the picture.

A poem says, "the sky was full of light punctures in the ebon cloud of night",
prose says, "the night sky was full of stars"

A poem says, "he kissed her mouth with passion's lips and wrapped her within the arms of love"
prose says, "he kissed her mouth really hard and put his arms around her and squeezed tightly"

A poem paints or shows, prose describes or tells...try rewriting your prose into a poem. You have a good ear for words, try putting it to use with parallel images instead of describing exactly what you see.

Keep writing!

Answer 3

Very real, makes sense and... ok I have a weird way of feeling poems and describing them with a color, in this case it's bluish grey, I have no idea why. But I think it's coz it's kind of dark, but not so, and has a hint of sense of reassurance and peace in it, where the blue comes from. Oh well, it must sound like nonsense, lol. Anyways, nice poem! try tuning it! xD

Answer 4

Eh, it's okay I guesssssss. Your doing all the work for the reader. I barely have to think to get your meaning. A good poem should be at least slightly myterious; requiring some deep thought. In other words, make me smarter, wiser, or deeper.

Answer 5

This is a free verse poem - no meters and no rhymes.

But the readers are tempted to expect a rhyme and a meter while reading the poem - must revise it a little if you wish.

The overall sense of the poem is good!

Answer 6

lots of cliches.
no imagery.
i don't get any new insight into the subject.
and by the way, what is the subject?

what you seem to be doing with this piece is talking to a person ... a person you don't feel you can talk to.

this could be a letter. this could be something else.
i wouldn't call it a poem. but i do think it has value.

what are you going to do with this to maximize its value?
that's the question.

Answer 7

confusing lost and rather up and down and all around . fine tune it and clear out the extra ya yas ok

Answer 8

I can't stand the poems users post on Answers.
But I love this one.
Damn.

Answer 9

I love this poem. Your good

Answer 10

wow i love it
thanks