Is divorce easier when......?

Question

the children are old enough to understand why it is happening or when they are very young? Would it be harder to deal with if it happened when you grown up (18 +)? At what age is it the easiest to deal/cope with?

So would you (persay) stay in an unhappy marriage until your children where older, or would you divorce when they were babies?

I'm sorry I should of added, I'm not asking a personal question, I have no kids, but my parents divorced when I was 19 and it has hard b/c I was stuck in the middle of it. I just was wondering from others what they thought

Answer 1

Getting divorced when children are young is the lesser of the two evils.

My parents divorced when all 4 of us kids were under 5 years of age. We grew up with it, and dont know any different. I remember when I was in high school, and my friends' parents were getting divorced, it had a far more devastating impact on those kids than it did us.

Little children are very resilient and bounce back from tragedy very quickly, whereas with teenagers, especially since they are much wiser about the world, may take a lot longer.

Regards, Penny xx

Answer 2

It's not a case of divorce being too easy, it's the fact that marriage isn't what it was. Bear with me. Time was when you got married it was a 'lifelong' commitment. I say 'lifelong' because if you were a man and were unhappy about the relationship, you either had a mistress or used force to ensure that you got what you wanted. Add on that wives were brought up to believe that their primary responsibility was to keep their husband's happy. So this meant putting up with all manner of behaviours. Add on that there was a huge social stigma associated with divorce and you have a recipe for oppression. Along comes Women's Lib and the whole game changes. Divorce is still seen as a social failing, but women are getting greater compensation when it all falls apart. At the same time, attitudes towards co-habiting couples have become more accepting. Marriage is fast becoming a legal device rather than a spiritual thing. It's a way of putting a financial claim on someone. Couples get married because the law relating to division of property / maintenance etc. is stronger than it is for unmarried couples. Women know that if it all falls apart, the worst they can expect out of any settlement in a no fault divorce is a 50% share in the joint assets. This is regardless of what their input to the enterprise has been. It's men who cop it in spades. This is where the problems start. Divorce per se has become easier to process, but the associated financial settlements have become vastly more complex. The answer for more and more men is to avoid getting dewy eyed and popping the question. The pendulum has swung the other way and marriage is now a very expensive business for men. The sensible move now is to cohabit and to retain separate finances. If you want to hang on to your assets, make sure they are only in your name.

Answer 3

It isn't easy on the kids at any age. Of course when the kids are babies it does not affect them as much as it does when they are older, but it has an effect on them later on. However, the parents have to do what is right for them at the time. It is unhealthy for kids to live in an unhappy home too.

I think being 19 is probably about the worst age to go through the divorce of your parents. You are already an adult but you still get to be involved in everything. I am sorry to hear about your parents divorce.

Answer 4

Divorce isnt easy at any age, the kids always pay the price no matter what age they are, in different ways.. if i had to choose.. i would say it seems easier when they are young and dont remember as far as its easier to cope with never knowing what u once had so theres nothing really to miss. Does it mean that their wont be affects later, no, because then u end up with a child that is always asking questions on what was, and if it happens really young they always feel as if they were missing out on something.. all their friends seem to have mommy's and daddys and family pictures.. and they would be lucky to have a few if any..
So its easier in the fact that they never know anything but the situation at hand..

Id then say the next would be waiting till after the child is of age, because all though they are young adults.. they do understand the way of the world and are learning about love, and heartbreak, fighting, cheating.. etc.. in relationships.. although their life as they knew it comes to a halt.. they atleast have a childhood of memories that most kids wish they had.. and arent as confused as most kids are that dont understand why their mom and dad just couldnt make it work..

I think that married couples with children should fight with all they have to keep their marriage together.. for the kids.. but that shouldnt be the only reason why they stay together.. if there is an ounce of a possibility , they should hold on to that and try to work through it. Marriage is hard, its probably one of the hardest things in life to do.. because its not a romantic fairy tale, and people do grow and sometimes go in seperate ways.. but thats in everyones marriage, theres ups and downs, and if u think that theres a married couple out there that in 50 years never had a marital funk, then ur sadly mistaken.. people give up to easily these days.. society has made it to easy for people to get a divorce.. and i commend those that tried with everything they had , before just throwing in the towel.

Realize that ur parents are human, and humans make mistakes, and although im sure they never meant to put u in the middle, it does happen because divorce isnt ever easy on anyone unless ur just extremely cold hearted, and sometimes their hurt towards each other clouds their judgements on what is right for their child..

My parents divorced when i was 4, i have extremely little memories of when my mom and dad were married. Theres no pictures of us together as a family just ones seperately me and my mom, me and my dad.. cherish what u do have.. 19 years of memories.. birthdays, xmas', vacations, etc.. and u were lucky enough to have both of ur parents there for it all .. learn from ur parents mistakes, so that u dont make the same mistakes in ur future, but instead of dwelling on what u dont have, dwell in what u do have, and what u have had.. alot of kids of divorce, grow up, with only one parent, and only knowing one parent.. u are lucky in alot of ways, and u need to focus on that..

Answer 5

I don't believe that there is one good answer for your question. Normally I would say that the divorce would be better on a much younger child. Although if an older child were living through a very bad marriage of his/her parents, then it would be a great sense of relief when a divorce was in order. The age of the child and the amount of hostility seen by the child would have to be a deciding factor.

Answer 6

Definantly when they are babies. My daughter was 1 and a half when I left her dad. When she started school and found out that most people have Mommy and Daddy's that are together it was uncomfortable to talk to her but not heartbreaking. My husbands parents got divorcesd when he was 13 and it really messed him up for a while. He even had to go to therapy. My daughter is now 12 and I know this is a delicate age, if I wanted another divorce, I would try to wait till she was out of high school. Even though my current Husband is not her biological father, I know a divorce would really affect her right now. Divorce is hard on any family but if the children are to young to understand it is easier.

Answer 7

This would all depend on the family. It isnt very easy either way. Guess it would be better when the kids are babies. even after a couple yrs old it is hard on the children. older kids seem to get caught in the middle of this as well when some parents will say things to the children they shouldnt

Answer 8

Divorce is not easy for the children no matter how old they are. When I divorced my husband, my kids were older than elementary school age, but it wasn't easy for them because they knew that things were going to change. If the marriage is unable to be saved, divorce is probably the best answer. I regret I didn't divorce my husband sooner.

My mother, who is 78, left college for a year after her parents divorced in the early 50's. It's not easy to deal with at any age if my mother is any indication.

Answer 9

I personal think it depends on how things are going in the family it's self as how the kids take it. What I mean by that is how the parents treat the kids in the first place. Is dad there for them and do things with the kids or does he ignore them and mean to them, same thing about mom. Is there a lot of fighting going on between mom and dad with the kids around? I really think the best thing is to talk to the kids and get them ready for the divorce.

I know in my case, my kids were 4 and 8, and I decided to set them down one at a time and talk to them. I told my son first and then later on told my daughter. I explained what was going on and wanted to see how they felt about the fact that dad would not be living with us any more, they would still get to visit with him, he just would not live there any more. I also let them know that it was nothing what so ever that they did that was causing this to happen. My kids were very happy knowing that he was not going to live there anymore. But then again, we were living in a very abusive life with him there.

Answer 10

my children were grown and in college when i divorced their dad..they had made many statements that they didn't know how i stayed married to him yet when i did divorce him they were devastated and had a very hard time..when they would say bad things about him i would tell them about my bad time and i found that they resented it so i quit. i didn't want to put them in the middle.

divorce is hard on children at any age but i think when you have been their parents for so many years it is much more difficult to accept...it is hard whatever age.