What do you answer when your wife asks?

Question

Whether you love her more than your mother.

My usual answer would be ' there is a difference in love for a mother and love for a wife. both are different and there can never be a shortage of love for any of them. however my duty definitely comes first towards her i.e.my wife'

And yes am not a mama's boy. My wife has always seemed immature and insecure to me. (two reasons probably, she is an adopted child of her parents and had a failed past relationship)

insights please...

(asking this again)

Answer 1

You say you are not, but actually all are mama's boy & this happens with every one till the end of ones life. As such neither my mother nor wife every asked this question directly whom I love more but this question always was there in their mind till my mother was alive & even now in my wife's mind. The most difficult thing for any son is to compromise between both these females whom he loves the most. Mother is a lady whom no one can ever forget & stop loving, where as wife is the lady whom one loves till his end as she is the lady bearing him his kids. For both of them there is no scarcity of love in the mind of the man but both of them feel neglected when see him with either of them, both these ladies are jealous of each other & are never happy to share him with either. Both feel this man is their personal property (no doubt about it) but they don't understand his feelings. For him both these ladies are the most important in his life & he was brought in the world by one of them, whereas the other stands with him through out his life as his life partner. I feel that both of them should give a breather to the poor chap & compromise on sharing his love between both of them. Even now 17years after my mother's death whenever I remember her during my conversation with my wife, she gets annoyed & tell me not to bring my mother in the talks, but that’s not possible for me, you say your wife seems immature hence she does so but what you'll call my wife who is crossed 48 years of her life, is she also immature?

Answer 2

First of all your wife needs to be made aware of the fact of love for a mother and love for a wife are although equal, but also two different types of love. Love for a mother is that which is formed from childhood and by instinct, while that of a wife is formed by feelings and maturity. I personally believe this to be the best way to describe this to the wife so that she may distinguish between the two. I'll agree that this question asked by a wife raises the question of insecurities.

Answer 3

Your wife does seem insecure. Did her past relationship fail because of family members? When does she ask the question, is there something setting her off?

Her question seems to be, "Do you really love me?" Your answer seems to be, "I have a duty toward you." Is this the same answer you would want from her if you had asked the same question?

You might want to try some trust building activities. It sounds as if both of you want your relationship to be enhanced.

I'm not sure if marriage counseling is your best bet. You may want to try a marriage seminar. Either way, the purpose is to get underneath what's causing the problem. Don't stay on the surface because of fearfulness.

Answer 4

Um, I'm not sure what being adopted has to do with being immature but whatever. I'm adopted and kind of take offense to what you said!

I think your answer is fine and it's the truth. Obviously your wife has insecurity issues relating to your mother for SOME reason. You need to get to the bottom of those reasons. Do you often take your mother's side if there's an argument? Do you tend to correct your wife in front of your mom? Do you say things like "my mom says we should do this"? Any of those things could make a woman insecure as to who you put first and whose opinion you respect more.

Answer 5

maybe what your wife's problem is that you spend to much time with your mother. If that is not the case then, she has insecurity issues. A love for a mother cannot be compared to any other love. Your mother is your flesh and blood. and can never be out of love. Mother are special. and a wife is a special person also. Assure your wife that the love you have for her is special and cant be compared to any other love. A wife a life companion, a lover, a friend, a buddy, the mother of your children. a very special person.

Answer 6

The first time wouldnt be that big of a deal since I would be single and unattached to the girl in question. As for my gf or wife that may be a diffrent story, I guess it would all depend on the situation and who the other guy was. I will say this, EVERYTHING would have to absoluty perfect for me to say yes; and what I mean by perfect is: Do I know the guy and if so do I know him well enough for that, is he d/d free, would I be able to do this & not get jealous, would this be just a one time deal, am I positive there isnt "more" between her and this other guy, etc...

Answer 7

Personally speaking, if your wife is having an issue with the love you share for your mother, it may seem that a broken home growing up may have something to do with this and you wife may need to spend more time with your mother. So they can learn to love as strong as a Mother, Daughter relationship and not battling over who you love more, per say....

Also, abandonment issues are a hard thing to deal with. It will stick with a person for their life and no two are the same. Every one has different abandonment feelings in many different ways.
Your wife could be jealous of your loving relationship with your mother.
If it is a deeper issue the the normal mother in law symptoms, she may need to speak to someone...
Remember, this is just my thoughts. You asked a question that I thought I could relate to.

Answer 8

It is ridiculously immature for your wife to ask such a question. Just explain to her that you are sorry she does not have the same kind of relationship with her family as you do, but that is no reason for her to be jealous of it. Explain to her that you married her, and invited her into your family, so maybe she could make some strong bonds there. Either way, it is ridiculous for her to want you to love her more than you love your own mother.

Answer 9

Your mother is your mother she gave you life and you have her blood in you,your wife is just that a wife that can hurt you walk away from you cheat on you but a mother's love is forever. It is a shame your wife is jealous of your own mothers love.Be careful of her because she will try to come between you and your mother.She will try her best to poison your relationship.

Answer 10

I agree with you. You can't compare the love of a significant other to the love of your mother. And any woman who is going to put you in that position to chose isn't worth having. There is no way I would ever ask my boyfriend anything like that, i mean we aren't married, but we've lived together almost a year and i'd never dream of asking him that!