would you have a second child or not? Help?

Question

I asked this question earlier, but didnt mention my husband will also be in school for the next 4 years and maybe another two for a his doctorit.

I am 31 almost 32(sept). We have been married 12 years, have one little girl 3 years old. I am going back to college to pursue a degree in nursing(RN). Its a total of four years. We both would'nt mind having another, I just feel, If i wait I would be 36 and my cut off is 34/35. What to do? Do you feel like your taking away time from your first if you have another child?

Answer 1

My husband is 30, going to school full-time with 3 more years to go. He works 30 hours a week as a supervisor at the university in the custodial department.

I am 28 and currently a stay-at-home-mother with two children (7 and 4) and a third on the way. I am hoping to start at the university this January and finish my degree also, with about four years to go.

I don't feel any of our children suffer by having more siblings. In fact, it gives them more family to interact with. Also, to make sure we get quality time, we have a set schedule. We are Mormon, and so have Family Home Evening every Monday. In addition, we have Family Game & Movie Night every Saturday, which our kids absolutely love. My husband takes the girls out for ice cream seperately, one on one at least once a month. And I do activities with them each day (crafts, baking, service, etc). We also do chores together every morning, singing and dancing around the house as we dust, sweep and vacuum.

My cutoff age was 30. I do not want to have any more children after that, because the risks for complications for you and the baby begin going up dramatically, and it will be even worse at 35 and 40.

I would say, if you really want another baby and you and your husband are in agreement, go ahead. If your family and school are your priorities, you will be able to make it work. Sure, you might have to do without some things (like eating out, movies, etc) but you'll have what counts in the long run.

But only add the additional child to your family if you and your husband can make the decision that the children come first, then education, and then everything else is just gravy. If you can't live without cable tv, fast food, etc., and will resent the 2nd child if their birth means you'll have to give those things up, hold off.

It all comes down to priorities. Sit down with your husband and decide what yours as a family are. Then you'll be in a better position to decide about adding additional children to your family.

Answer 2

I have an 18 month old and am about to deliver number two any day. We wanted it this way. Just because a new child comes into the picture, that doesn't mean that the older child just fades away! :o) Your family just gets bigger. I compare it to when I was married and it was just my hubby and I. I worried that our relationship would fade away if we had kids. Now I realize that the relationship doesn't die, it just changes. So even though my relationship with my daughter will change when my son is born, it won't end. I'll still have lots of fun with her.

I think you should have more kids now, rather than wait. You aren't OLD, of course, but the risks involved in having kids as you get older (anything above 35 is considered a higher risk) aren't something to take lightly. I'd have another child as soon as possible if I were you- it's already been quite long enough, in my opinion. My sister and I are almost three years apart, and it's too much. I completely agree with the answerer who said that you should give your child a sibling, and that she's never met a person who liked being an only child. An only child/good friend of ours told us she grew up very lonely, and now has to carry the burden alone of caring for her parents as they age. I couldn't do that to my child. Hope this helps~

Answer 3

Yes, it is true that having the kids a little closer in age is nice. They entertain each other so that can free you up a little. Since both you and your husband would like to have another one, I would recommend sooner than later. However, if you do decide to wait till you are done with school, I am 4 years older than my sister and we have an awesome relationship.

No, having another little one will not take time away from your first. Miraculously you will be able to give them both equal amounts of love and attention.

Answer 4

Trust me, you will not take time away from your first. You will find a way to incorporate time with both of them. I think the first child would appreciate you giving her a sibling. Maybe not right away, but definitely later. Go for it. You are obviously intelligent people, you will figure it out. Sometimes if you wait to long, it never happens...and who wants to be an only child? I've never met a person that liked being one.

Answer 5

i would wait until you are through with school and he is through school. My cousin tried doing nursing while pregnant and she said she just couldn't handle it, to much stress while pregnant so she waited until her son was born and was a few months old and went back to nursing school and completed it in less than 2 years and now she has a great job. My niece says it is hard enough to raise a child while going through it but being pregnant while taking all the classes is just to hard and stressful. I would wait. 36 would be an ok age to have one more. I just think woman should stop at 40 but of course a lot more woman are going into their 40's.

Answer 6

Absolutly not. I am now pregnant with my 3rd and wouldnt have it any other way. Children adjust to everything and really fast. They will always have ompany. Dont leave it too big of a gap like i did as it does make it a bit harder. I have a 5 year old a 11 month old and am 8 weeks pregnant with number 3....

Answer 7

Have another baby! You won't regret it even though it will be hard at first. I know a lady that has 4 children (youngest one has minor special needs) studying at university and husband often works away and long hours.
Do it now while you can keep up with them, studying can always be done, babies do have a 'time frame' as you put it and you don't want a huge gap between kids.

Answer 8

Savannah, you're ranging from a much greater wakeful place than I did whilst my 2d newborn became born 20+ years in the past. there became an 11 300 and sixty 5 days hollow between the daughter I gave to adoption and my son and a great number of unresolved guilt/grief that I pushed into the history as basically a imprecise experience of unworthiness. being waiting to hold and look after my son became quite particularly therapeutic for me, despite if I did handle a great number of self doubt approximately no count number if i became good sufficient for him. the type you're looking forward may be very valuable for you and your babies. Be as open and trustworthy and modern-day with them as you may. look ahead to reunion!

Answer 9

I really want to have my second child and i want it to be a girl this time. I just a had a beautiful baby boy in May 2007.

Answer 10

go for it, i have three boys and my older two are three and a half years apart and get along great, they are 4,5,and 9. you sound like you are both very responsible and bright people, and you can handle it. good luck and god bless