please rate this poem and tell me you openions?

Question

it is going to be submitted for a contest, and a final grade pls i begg you people from my bottom of my heart? be honest?

I look upon the furthest star,
To see how close we truly are,
Our distance just miles and miles apart,
Or perhaps even oceans apart,
I think of ways of getting close to you,
So that I can see what you truly are,
You reflection full of perfection,
Or simple just a bright star,
I gaze and gaze at the lonely sky,
And see nothing but the lonely moon,
It’s world full of darkness,
As mines as well too,
The stars sparkle their brightness,
Giving accompany to the lonely moon,
I wish you were near not as far the furthest star that appears
So that I can show you my greatest fear,
Life without you my dear,
Being next to me...

Answer 1

first line: it's "farthest", not "furthest"

get rid of "just" in the third line

"or simple" should be "or simply"

too many lonelies...lonely sky, lonely moon...pick one to be lonely.

"It's world" should be "Its world"

"as mines as well too" should be "as mine is as well"

"giving accompany" should be "giving accompaniment"

"far the furthest" should be "far the farthest"

"life without you my dear" should be "life without you, my dear"

Those suggestions will correct the grammar and spelling errors. The rest of the poem is "okay", but it's full of cliche. It's a good practice poem, though, so just keep at it.

Answer 2

It's allright I think but not really great. I tended to get a little lost because you talk about space then I started to think a litte to hard about this and this perhaps just my own problem but here's go the problems that I had with this poem.

you reflection full of perfection I know it's poetry it can do what it wants but the line is bad grammar and I know that i don't use the best.

You see the moon and the stars but then it's a world full of darkness. I've seen the stars and the moon and when they are both out you can see for miles you can see a lot better then when they are not there. Of course unless the moon is messing things up like a moon that is has a red hue. but a good harvest moon you can see for miles.

You say she is close only miles from you then you say that you wish she was not far as the furthest star that apears which is perhaps par secs away.

I'm not completly sure how one shows one's greatest fear of not having another around torture perhaps I'm not sure.

Rember you wanted this.

Answer 3

Take out "Or perhaps even oceans apart" It's way too repetitive of the line right before it!!! Good Job though!!!

Answer 4

Amazing, it brought to mind the painting by Van Gogh, "The Starry Night" and the emotions evoked from viewing it.

Answer 5

well, I personally like your poem very much. However I am not a poet and am no literary figure :-)

If you are writing to a literary crowd, they might just glance through this, however honestly your poem touch my heart