currently in a secret relationship and hiding it from our parents that live in another city whom strongly disapprove and will do anything to stop it.
we love each other very much, are established working adults, and want to get married but now the parents want to move to the same city.
We love it where we live but we are afraid of what the parents will do. Do we stay and put up with the stress or do we move away and know that they will have to accept it and have no control over us if we are very far away?
2007-07-30 16:02:14 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are an adult,it`s your life,time to get out of your parents shadow.
2007-07-30 16:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
People who wouldn't have to deal with whatever the parents may throw at you really cannot give you good advice. We don't know what'll happen when they find out or why you feel there's an issue...it may be worse than you fear, or much better.
Bottom line is you are adults and if you two stay together at some point your family(ies) will find out. You like where you live..is it worth giving that up to move away from your family? If they are that opposed to your situation won't they leave you alone even if in the same city, as you feel they'd not be a threat if you were in a different city?
Do what is best for you two...hard for us to make recommendations.
2007-07-30 16:09:13 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are two working adults, I don't understand how you are dictated by what your parents want...
At some point you have to live your own lives, regardless of their approval. Whether religion or race is the factor, you two are the only ones directing your future.
Some parents will threaten to disown or not speak to you in order to get you to abide by their wishes, but that usually changes when they get their wish and you don't speak to them or when a grandchild comes into the picture.
I suggest you take the chance and go for it! This is the only life I know of and I suggest you start living it in a way that is best for you both.
Never let anything become a regret, it's worse than being a loser.
They shouldn't have any control of you regardless of where you live. If you are financially reliant on them, well you'll have to give that up.
Plenty of people have been where you are now. Stand for what you believe in and have faith in the love you have for each other.
2007-07-30 16:23:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're adults, do what you want to do, make yourselves happy! You don't live for your parents. If you're afraid of your parents moving to the same town, then find something to just rent for now. If they do live close, try it out for a while and see how it goes. If it's a living hell, then you are not tied down, move somewhere else! If all goes well, then consider buying a home then. Good luck! Most importantly, if you are happy together, don't let anyone interfere with that! You both know what you need and want!
2007-07-30 16:08:30 · answer #4 · answered by hungryeyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents usually want the best for their children, no matter how grown the children are. Why have you kept the relationship a secret if everything is so good between you? They can't stop you from marrying but it's sad if they won't (can't) give their blessing to you. I would advise you to do all you can to prevent a split from your parents. The two of you might try talking to them about your relationship and see if you can help them accept your decision to be together.
2007-07-30 16:09:30 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult now right? Well, you need to act like it... whether they disapprove or not your relationship is really none of their business.. they can either accept it and spend time with you or they can reject it and not spend any time with you. Regardless, when the grand kids come it will be their loss, and their regrets they will have to deal with.. I would not move, I would let them know the deal.. and they can take or leave it..Unless of course they are paying your bills, and in that case I would say shut the hell up and do what they say do..
2007-07-30 16:10:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're adults, there comes a time when you have to live your own life and stop letting your parents control you. It's hard to displease your parents, but you have to tell them about your relationship. Let them decide whether to be a part of your life and accept your adult decisions. If they choose not to, then you don't have to have them in your life. Running away never solves the problem, it just adds stress.
2007-07-30 16:06:45 · answer #7 · answered by butterfly8373992 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK...you are adults...you are supporting yourselves...you have made the decision to marry...and you are afraid to tell your parents.
I think you should give your parents the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they are mature enough to accept your decision. Tell them and face the music. Honesty is always the best answer.
AND...you are adults, and independent of your parents. What control do they have over you? Only the amount that you allow.
Honor your parents, but live your own life.
Blessings
2007-07-30 16:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by mizmead 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your parents will have to deal with it. I don't think you should move if you are happy where you are at. My mother is VERY opinionated and speaks whatever is on her mind with me, not my brothers though. When I told my mom that my husband and I and the kids were moving 1400 miles away to where my husband is from, my mother completely flipped. We gave her a couple of months notice, but those couple of months were horrendous! I heard every negative thing and insult you can imagine about my husband, myself, his family, and where we were moving to. I cried all the time until we were gone. She said she would never come visit and so on. Although she still voices her opinion, she has come around and accepted the fact that we moved. She has even come to visit!Unless your parents have a good reason to object to your relationship, like if he is abusive or something like that, I think you should tell them. They will find out eventually. Save yourselves the worry and stress of sneaking around. Chances are they will eventually accept your relationship. Good Luck.
2007-07-30 16:36:32 · answer #9 · answered by race girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do your parents object to the relationship? Is the objection warranted? If you're in a safe, nurturing, loving relationship, than it's your life and your decision. Your parents will either have to accept it or not. Some people can't get passed their own prejudices, but this is not their life. You are in control of your life and you decide who you want to be with. If they don't like it than that's their loss.
2007-07-30 21:13:03 · answer #10 · answered by Mel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are the two of you? If you are consenting adults, then the parents have no say in your lives. What is the real reason why your parents don't want you married?
2007-07-30 16:06:03 · answer #11 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋