She has gotten close to a guy that is married and my wife babysits for him and his wife. My wife says that he is just a friend and there is no sexual attraction. I feel threatend by him and I can't convince my wife that he is getting to close. We have since strated having problems and my wife says she just "needs her space" and in time our relationship can get back to where it was. What should I do? She says that I should not make her choose between her friend and me.
2007-07-30 15:23:36 · 16 answers · asked by Mike 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm gettin two differnet opinions here! Now what?
2007-07-30 15:32:10 · update #1
It is completely fine for her to have a guy friend. Marraige is about trust and love, if you cant trust her then you shouldnt be married. You have to beleive her and let her have her space or else she may get frustrated and then might feel she has to look astray for love. Just love her with all your might and show that you trust her, and that will keep her close. If you keep accusing her, it in time may ruin your marraige. What a horrible thought that is, we need no more broken marraiges.
Good luck and give her space, im sure she gives you yours. And anyways its normal to be jealous of your woman, you are a man!
2007-07-30 15:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Wow, this could really go either way here. Just remember that it does take two to tango. It really depends on HOW MUCH TIME she spends with him. But in one since she IS putting your marriage in jepardy. Does she ever spend time with him alone, as in just him and her and nobody else? That would be a no no in my books.
You say that she "baby sits" for this couple, why can't she do that in your house instead of going to their house? Why can't you BOTH go over there when she goes...to baby sit or to just visit. I know that if I have a friend (male), he will know my husband/boyfriend and WE will ALL be together, not just me and my male friend. I would do that so there would be no question about what was going on.
And she needs her space, that does not sound good either. That pretty much is just going to give her more time to spend with him than she had before.
There may not be a thing to this, but right now it really don't sound that good at all.
My motto: Don't do or say anything that you will not do or say in front of your mate.
I really think that with you two having this problem and she knows that you feel this way that she should care enough about your marriage and you to stop going around him like she does.
I just wonder what his wife thinks about what is going on. If she knows about everything. Is she always around or there when your wife is with her husband?
2007-07-30 16:18:30 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is telling you that she "needs her space" that means something much more when combined with "he is just a friend". And if she says it's not sexual, that usually means it's not sexual yet. It's good to spend time apart in a relationship and it's good to have friends, but if something negatively affects the relationship and no compromise is reached, the relationship becomes unbalanced and "time" will not fix that. If her "friendship" is more important to her than your feelings are, that is obviously not good. However if you are a jealous, needy person - she might actually need her space and more interaction with other people...
2007-07-30 15:38:18 · answer #3 · answered by lblrleltltl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married a long long time and have always had lots of male friends. This is not the issue, the issue is trust. The only question you need to answer for yourself is do you trust her? Usually if people are being open and honest about situations there is nothing to worry about. She should be more worried about you. Do you not trust yourself with female friends? Have you done something that would destroy your wife's trust?
Talk to each other. Trust her. If there is no trust, there can be no marriage.
2007-07-30 15:44:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've had numerous guy friends that nothing ever happened with (one friend was in the process of losing his father and just really needed someone to talk to about about it and comfort him during that time) but they never intruded on any other relationships. Normally I would say you have nothing to worry about but if she's pushing you away she may have some interest in this other man. I'm not saying he's interested, or that something has happened already, but it does seem like that is where she wants this path to lead. It's no better whether she cheated or whether she didn't. She isn't valuing your feelings, and emotional infidelity can be just as hurtful.
2007-07-30 15:34:37 · answer #5 · answered by Lorie 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your wife put herself in a dangerous situation befriending this man. It may start out as Innocent but can easily escalate into something more then friendship. How would she feel if you had a close women friend? Can you talk to the wife of this guy and see how she feels about the relationship?
2007-07-30 15:30:23 · answer #6 · answered by April First 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
New friend + asking for space = 2 clear signs of cheating. If you were to yahoo signs of cheating, BOTH of those would be listed among the articles.
You might want to talk to your wife and try to save your marriage. If she refuses to talk, DO NOT confront her until you have proof that something is going on. You can collect that any number of ways from setting up cameras, to hiring a professional to follow her.
You might have to ask that as a condition of working on your marriage that the baby sitting stops. If she cannot choose you over him, there are bigger problems than you might suspect. Might also try talking with the guy's wife about your suspicions.
2007-07-30 15:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by Rav 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh buddy... those are bad signs she's throwing at you. This is not good.
If my husband thinks that some man is getting too close to me... I drop that relationship like hot potato salad. To make excuses, and keep going on like she is, is disrespectful to you in a big bad way.
It doesn't sound like her and the guy's wife are close. That is our rule in our family. If you have a friend of the opposite sex... then we all need to be friends.... His significant and mine. Everyone just happy friends...
Why ignite jelousy when it's not necessary? And why jeopardize trust this way? What is more important.. this friend or YOU?
2007-07-30 15:30:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think its fine for a wife to have a male friend. At the same time women aren't the only ones with instincts in a relationship. I think she made this worse by her asking you not to make her choose. I think you should insist that she choose, just be prepared for her chose. Sounds like you won't like it.
2007-07-30 15:43:41 · answer #9 · answered by Strike2? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contrary to popular belief it is possible to have a guy who is just a friend. I have had a few float in and out of my life. So it is possible that his guy is just a friend as far as your wife is concerned and insinuating that there's a problem there if there really isn't could just push your wife away faster.
I'd tend to take her words at face value. If your marriage is strong it won't matter what the guys intentions. He'll just go away still wanting something. So take steps to make sure your marriage is strong. Rediscover the things that made you love your wife and made her love you.
2007-07-30 15:33:42 · answer #10 · answered by Critter 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋