Does the grass on the other side often seem greener to you?

Question

Do we sometimes covet for an existence or a livelihood different from the ones we have? How happy are you with the life you are living now?

Care to share?...

I am astounded that this simple question has attracted so many responses from all you wonderful people! Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart.
I think it’s only fair that I share my own thoughts on this with you all, as I always do, whenever I post a question like this.
For me, it doesn’t matter if the grass beyond my own fences, on whichever side, is greener than the one in my garden. I’ve always believed that it is best that I take my own grass with me, and try my absolute, sincere and honest best, to turn it into my very own shade of green, wherever it is that I may land. It doesn’t always have to be greener or the greenest; just as long as the green is a pleasing

...shade to my eyes and those of my family.

As Ladyvol001 here so wisely said, “ ...I have decided that life is what you make it”. I love that.

Ffyona_adri, thanks. Focusing on what we have really is so much better that worrying what we don’t have. How true. I wish you luck with your family.

Dual_reality, thank you for that quote - apt choice!

King…Vire, you are wise. It’s just a matter of perception, isn’t it? “The grass only seems greener because we can't see its true colors..”

Chock_neth, thanks. It’s perception again, right? Our grass could look greener to others…

Cordova, you’ve given so much in your answer, thank you. That was really great, what you said about not having the right to be jealous in the fortunes of others; one must aspire to learn from their success instead.

Obsolete professor, oh, you’re not so “obsolete”, not at all! Unlike computers, our minds “upgrade” themselves with time….

Jach? I hope everything will turn out well for you. You always have an honest outlook on life. Thanks.

Psychic Cat, thanks. Chasing rainbows some of us are, indeed, simply illusions that will always jump beyond reach.

Shai Shammai, hello again! You’re right; we should all take the positive aspects of things, and not wallow in negativity.

Desiderata, what can I say? You’ve said it all and so much more! You’ve given my question a lot of other vantage points that I’ve missed to see before, like broadening one’s scope of mine to encompass all those unfortunate ones in the world outside our own fences in our compassion.

For the rest of you, I couldn’t possibly address everyone, thanks for your answers; I truly appreciate them!

Answer 1

Shah, in a way, you've asked two, very different questions, because the expression about the grass being greener goes with what you refer to as "covet"--as in coveting what another has--often including the the wish that the other person no longer have it.
(As in coveting one's neighbor's goods, wife, husband....the extreme desire for what belongs to another.)

Yet, you're also asking, if I'm correct, "Is there another life or way of life or anything, basically, the answering person wishes were different, from what s/he is living now?" To me, these are very different questions.

Let me address the one you started with, the one that deals with covetousness, if I may.

We all have our flaws and our virtues, and I have always felt so, so blessed that jealousy or envy was never one of my flaws; I actually would think about how lucky that was--always to want the best for all; never to want what others had, or ever, ever to wish they had less.

I'd never have survived my childhood, had I been thinking about the childhoods of others. Perhaps that's where it began, or maybe it began with the incredible need I've always had to keep growing and educating myself--no time to look at what others are doing, literally.

Comparison just is not where it's "at" for me. I compete with me, and I compare today's accomplishments only to what I may have accomplished or "should" have accomplished, or I don't even compare at all. Sometimes, I just say a zillion words of gratitude and thanks to the Powers that Be, for the gifts and abilities that I am lucky to have.

Having been a political activist all my life, I am all too aware of the pain and suffering in my country (U.S.) and in the rest of the world, not to have been forever grateful for what I have been given, for what I came into this world with.

(I remember the words of the nuns, "Just think, you could've have been born without eyesight, with no legs." They were great teachers of good values; we would spend several days a year being a challenged person, having to walk around all day with a blindfold, or with one hand behind our back, as if we had been born sightless, born with one arm, and I learned priceless lessons.)

To put it differently, perhaps, I know all too well that I'm a "lucky" person, a, if you will, blessed, person; my problem is pushing me, not appreciating how "green the grass" is in me--guilt for not always being the most I can be with the gifts I've been given.

As for the "pastures," of others, I feel deep, sometimes unfathomable, sorrow for the billions living in unlivable conditions, in war and in famine, and for those doing well, I have only two thoughts:
1. Would that all people could be doing well. I wish everyone the best and happiest and most creative and productive, loving and rewarding a life a person could possibly have, and
2. I so wish that those with much wealth would learn that they didn't "earn" it, that it wasn't "due" to them, and that they would give most of it away to those in need, and save only what is necessary for a peaceful, reasonable, comfortable life.
(Unfettered capitalism has gotten out of hand, in other words, and it is time for a re-evaluation of the distribution of wealth--but, again, this is not personal to me, except in my sense of fairness and deeply in my sorrow for the suffering and poor--yet it IS very personal for my sense of justice, decency and my love of humankind.)

And your third question: Am I happy with the life I am living now?

Shah, to me, "happy" is a somewhat shallow or elusive concept. If one is grounded, productive, loved, loving, giving, valued and valuable in what one does for others, then one is who s/he must be.

Sometimes, we are happy; sometimes we are not. To me, that's the human condition, no matter what our circumstances, no matter what choices we make and have made. It is more important to me to be courageous and loyal and useful than to be happy--or even more specifically: It has always been my experience that "happiness" comes as a side-effect, a nice result of a job well-done, of a cultivated, meaningful relationship; it never exists just for the taking.

And, on a more personal note; I'm an artist; we would never be good, if we didn't live with a certain dissatisfaction; we would never improve--and lastly, to be "happy" in a country run by liars and warmongers, to be "happy," when others are suffering, I'm not so sure is the right thing to be.

May I quote?
“While there is a lower class, I am in it. While there is a criminal element, I am of it. While there is a soul in prison, I am not free.”*
and
"...no artist is pleased…there is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”**
(and one doesn't have to be "more alive" to get back to your question, but an artist must be vital, and that, thank goodness, I am.)
;-)

Answer 2

Nope. It doesn't seem any greener. Right now, my side of the fence is perfect for me. I KNOW that some people covet, envy, speculate about how much better someone else's life is, & so on. If you're aware, & truthful with yourself--in other words--if you SEE what you have, & not what you THINK you don't have, it's not greener at all on the other side of the fence. It's only discontent that evokes the fantasy that it's got to be better somewhere else. It's not the "media" showing people what they assume are wonderful lives; it's part of (some) human nature. I've had clients who have lived their lives looking for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the greener grass, & they are indeed miserable. I don't like to use the word "happy" for the way I'm living now, as the connotation is "joyous" & I candidly admit I'm not always joyous. But I AM content; I'm in harmony. My path may lead me elsewhere at some point, but in a serendipitous way, not from seeking, or assuming there's a better place to be.

Answer 3

I used to think everyone's grass was greener than mine. In a way, this type of thinking was good. It meant I was not arrogant, this is very positive. I felt I was poorer, uglier, less endowed, you name it, than most other people. I still feel like this sometimes but it is more of a humility thing. I see how temporary things are so whenever I get full of myself I remind myself that what I have can be taken in an instant. Now if I see someones grass as greener I no longer just look at the grass, I look at the work the gardener put into the lawn. I have no right to be jealous if I am not willing to work as hard as the next person and I find I usually am not. As it concerns relationships. I think most people lie and are out for self so the grass may look greener from afar but don't forget, weeds are also green and we often cannot see them until we have taken on the lawn as our own.

Answer 4

Well the only reason the grass seems greener is because most of us are very self-oppinionated. We see what other people have that we don't have BUT we fail to see what WE have that they don't.

I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's.........Truthfully right know Im not as happy as I would like to be but no one really is happy all the time.

We all have our hardships and our ordeals. The grass only seems greener because we can't see its true colors.

I would never trade my life because this is MY life this is my GIFT I received therefore it means that I should do something with my GIFT. I am me for a reason.........although I am not completely sure what it is I am here for that purpose and I must reach and achieve whatever it is I must do......even if I haven't discovered what it is yet.

I would love to have other things other people have but those sole things aren't enough for me to trade my life for. I also have some things that I would not dare give away.......Not so much as in material things but MY things.......My traits.

Life can be hard for anybody but we must of course overcome the ordeals and deal with our own circumstances with the things or TRAITS we've been giving.

We've all been dealt a hand whether it is good or not depends on the USER

Answer 5

They do seem...must be because of discontent from the viewer's heart. But the seemingly greener grass on the other side may not really be as greener as we might thought for awhile. It's sometimes how we feel that makes us take on colors to everything around us.
Maybe I'm just feeling low with my job at present that I look at other job opportunities in brighter shades of green. This happens I guess. And not until I hop into another pasture that I come to realize that its just the same as where I used to be. I think it's really our outlook in life that determines how much of something is worth our finding...Or are we worth of what our heart desires to have?...

Answer 6

Well sure, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. From a distance you can't see all the weeds, bugs and sinkholes. The same goes for the lives other people lead. Each person has his/her own problems and pleasures. That's why I'll happily keep my life and my own green grass, thank you.

Answer 7

I Believe this old truism is truer than Other snappy sayings, when we think of our Human nature.

It is Human Nature that we be restless creatures. We are constantly (if we are being true to our desires) in a search for something new, for experiences and stimuli.

So I think it is only natural to see the Grass as Greener over on the other side. I know I may occasionally see another Job or Life and ask myself the great questions of my decisions in life, and ask myself, "Have I done right, have I made the choices that are best for myself?" This is healthy because we are inquisitive and introspective animals.

Answer 8

Hi shahrizat,
It has always been human nature to covet the things that we don't have..and obsess with things we can never have. How many husbands/wives ended up in messy affairs because they see things in the other guy/gal they can't find in their mates. Then when they are on the other side, they started appreciating the virtues of their original mates thus they yearn to get back again. But by then the mess is already there. U ask "how happy am i living now?"..Happy enough to understand that we can never have everything in life..Happy enough to accept that "the apple in the other guy's hands will always appear to be sweeter than the one we r holding"..Happy enough to understand that the "other guy" holding the apple might be thinking the same thing & "coveting our apple" as well. Happy enough to understand that if we don't appreciate what we already have, we will be in this vicious cycle of endlessly searching for our "sweet apples".

Answer 9

That is the big lie we all have to constantly remind ourselves of. The silliness of it is best illustrated when I drive in the country and see cows cutting their necks as they stick their heads under the barbed wire in order to eat the grass on the other side of the fence..all the while there's an entire green field behind them. It is the nature of man to covet, and for sure it's the root of much evil/despair in the world. Strange that you ask this question, as just today I saw the police helicopter chasing after some guy who was breaking into a house. We have a big drug problem in my small town and many of the people roaming the streets are people I went to school with. Altho I'm not that old, these former friends look haggard and all dried up/ they look bad.. I got to thinking..Well, I've got a house-paid for..a bed to sleep on, a stove to cook with, a refrigerator with food in it, 3 cars and 2 bicycles. Look at what's happening to Paris Hilton and all the Hollywood people on drugs. I think I'm doing pretty good. How about you?

Answer 10

I used to constantly crave something more. More adventure, more excitement, more of anything. It was to the point that I convinced my husband to move to a little nothing town in Florida when we lived in a wonderful place in Atlanta.

Since we are stuck here until our youngest graduates high school (one more year...a total of three when this is all done) I have learned my lesson. The grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. Frequently it is worse than whatever was going on before.

I've learned that I have to deal with whatever is making me unhappy or restless rather than looking for a change to make the difference or distract me from what's really going on.