can I ask him to stop calling?

Question

My husband told me he didn't love me or want the responsibility of our child. He still calls and emails just to talk about his day. Is it immature for me to ask him to stop? I don't want to be strung along and even though he probably thinks he's doing a nice thing by talking to me and checking in, it actually hurts more when he calls and writes and gives that kind of false hope. He even called to see if I knew anyone who had a pickup truck for sale and just to tell me about some physical test he passed today. I'm not saying I'm going to be bitter forever, I just need a couple weeks of space and talking to him makes me really sad because I think about all of the good times.

Answer 1

You should do whatever is going to help you get through this situation. I know I would certainly tell him to leave you alone unless it's strictly about the divorce or the child. Go ahead and let him know why as well - just as you told us. I'm sorry that your husband's an idiot. Good luck.

Answer 2

Yes of course you can stop (or not answer) phone calls or emails. But if he is calling to the house (i.e. visiting) then I think this is a control thing, he is just checking that you have not found someone else. If he says he doesn't love you or want his child, what is the purpose of him hounding you? Certainly reduce his time with you - go shoppiing or visiting or whatever, just don't be always there when he comes. And tell him you aren't going to be there so there is no point in coming over.

I too had false hopes, saw things as getting better when they weren't, because I wanted to believe it. Make your life more independent, and it will get easier - it did for me Good luck!!

Answer 3

Be honest with him... even if he doesn't deserve it. Say this:"[ ], I know you keep in touch because you want to maintain a connection and I appreciate that. But you have made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me or our child and that is very, very painful for me. If that is the case, I would really appreciate it if you would limit calling and e-mailing me to once a month, at most. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being honest in that I really need some space. I hope you understand." If you cannot do that over the phone, by all means cut and paste (modify) what I've written and send it to him in a reply e-mail. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

It takes some time for both people to end up a relationship which used to be lot of emotions and bond invloved( especially with kid), since he already asked for break up, he needs to be responsible for what he said and take the consequences, instead of enjoying the company of you as chatting friend without considering your feelings. It is your decision to make a stop to him from doing anything make you feel sad, or you can have a talk with him tell how much toture it is for you to still be connected to him, without any future.. Once he stops coming into your life, move on firmly from there, go to find one worth loved who can treasure you and treat you with respect and care, good luck..

Answer 5

I would need a lot more than a couple weeks to get over a failed marriage. I think you should ask him to stop calling and if he doesn't, don't answer his calls. The only reason he would need to talk with you is when it involves your child. Considering he doesn't want the responsibility of you or the child, that should cut the calls back to about zero.

Answer 6

It sounds like your dear husband still wants you to be available when he needs you, but doesn't want to be available to you or his child. So he wants what he wants when he wants it, but he doesn't feel you or your child deserve anything from him. How absurd! Yes, you can ask him to stop calling. I would tell him you don't have time for his problems since you have your hands full trying to clean up the mess he has left behind with the added burden of being both mother and father to your child. He is the one who walked out on his responsibilities. That means listening to what is going on in his life is no longer your responsibility. Let him learn to lie in the bed he has made.

Answer 7

Do yourself a favor and ask him to stop calling you. Even if he is only checking in, why does he even bother, if he does not love you and does not want to be a father to your child?
And no, he is not having second thoughts about the separation, he just want to keep some degree of control over your feelings.
You need time and space, so be strong and ask him to stop.

Answer 8

Ok your husband told you he didn't love you or want the responsability of his child.....remember that when you tell him to stop calling, leave you alone, tell him he has hurt you and you need space you don't want to be his support system anymore. You are getting nothing out of this....I'd also call him a selfish jerk but that is me.

Answer 9

I think you are very justified in asking him not to call or email you. He is the one who said that he didn't love you or want the responsibility of your child. To me, that means he is done.

You need to let him know that you respect the fact that he no longer wants to be a family with you and your child, but he also needs to respect the fact that you are moving on and starting a life without him in it. Let him know that unless it has to do with the child, you want him to refrain from contacting you right now.

I know you will not always be bitter, but I think it's unfair of him to do this to you.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

You're being way to nice to him! Do not ask him to stop calling you. Stop picking up the ******* phone! He deserves it. Don't be so nice to give him warning. Just drop him suddenly like he dropped you and his responsibilities. Silent treatment. Enjoy your child and say **** him. Maybe he'll miss you and turn around. He wants your friendship and advice and thinks he can have that while being an immature selfish pig to you and your child you have together. Get a spine!