I want to work out our problems but he seems to want to give up. I love him and he loves me. Lately, since the word divorce has come into the relationship, he does not show me any affection. He used to always hug and kiss me. But now I do it and its only then he does it back. He is confused. He says that it is too late for change. I have changed the way I treat him, and he the same. But he just does not want to see the outcome. He is giving up. Then he told me last night that he will stay with me and that we will see what happens. Maybe he will go or maybe he will stay. He does not know yet. What should I do until then? I have a daughter, she is not his, she is 9. We told her last night that we might get a divorce. She took it well. Is there anything that I can do to help my husband make up his mind? Im hurt and confused myself.
2007-07-30 13:25:25 · 35 answers · asked by DDee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As hard as this is going to be to do, my advice is to try not to obsess over this whole divorce thing in the coming days. Go on living, loving, and doing everything you can to make life, and your time together, pleasant. You don't have to cater to his every whim, just be yourself. The more you obsess over it, the worse it's going to become. Good Luck!
2007-07-30 13:32:11 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is really a tough situation and you aren't going to find an easy answer. The good news is you're trying. That's all you can do. Compromise whatever you are willing to, but understand that you cannot completely change the person you are, and you shouldn't have to. If he doesn't want to work it out, there is nothing else you can do. A marriage does take commitment from both people. Realize that if you do get divorced you are going to have to accept that he just wasn't as invested in the marriage as you were.
Also, be careful about how much you share with your daughter. Yes, she should know about big changes, especially those that affect her, but as long as he is still working on the marriage there is no reason to upset her. Of course you cannot go back in time and untell her, but please don't burden her with your troubles.
2007-07-30 13:33:08 · answer #2 · answered by yoohoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like me,only difference I am the one that wants out.You didn't say how long you've been married but that really doesn't matter when one of you wants a divorce it just makes the other one try to do everything right and it's frustrating.....no matter what they do it's not what they really want.People change,outgrow each other.The bottom line they love,but not in love>I know you are heartbroken but you've given all you can give and he'll just find something else because if he wants out let him go.I know how it feels an my husband is a good guy but he is controling,treats me like a child,I'm questioned about everything I do where I go etc. I'm tired of it.,an I've put up with it for 43 yrs.I should have done something yrs. ago.I am very unhappy and so is he.Don't live your life just for him.Be happy if you can.Good luck
2007-07-30 13:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by Lw's Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say try to find out what is wrong, but it looks like you already have. I hate to say, but if he wants a divorce, give it to him. I know its hard But if you try to make him stay in a marriage where he is not wanting to be, its gonna get worse. I also suggest looking into the fact that there maybe someone else in the picture. It sounds like he is giving up pretty easy and almost not wanting to work things out with you, which is a bad sign. Good luck
2007-07-30 13:58:31 · answer #4 · answered by lwomar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After a divorce, one can began to understand it's
we have to build our own world, plan our own lives, and learn not to
depend on anyone else except God. Most of all, we realize that we can survive
if we are strong. Then, anything that comes along to make us
happy is just icing on the cake.
"After a While"
"After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company isn't security.
(Kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.)
After awhile you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you stand too long in one place.
So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
that you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn."
Author Unknown
--------------------------------
teach your daughter what it means to be while and complete woman by moving on. It takes two to tango. However, get into therapy, to gain insight and strength to know you will be happier after the split, if that is what heppens.
2007-07-30 13:48:28 · answer #5 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he already has his mind made up, there is nothing you can do/say that is going to change it.
I don't understand why you would want to hold on when he has made it clear that he is not interested in continuing your marriage. Why not let him go, move on and leave with your pride intact??
It sounds to me like there is an underlying issue that has prompted your hubby's decision. Do you know what this might be? If not, perhaps you should talk to him and find out.
Would he be willing to seek couple's counseling??
I am really sorry that you are going through this, but the fact remains that if he is done with the marriage, nothing can save it.
2007-07-30 13:43:14 · answer #6 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The point is HE HAS NOT LEFT YOU (yet). You just said that he will stay with you & see how things go. That already means he's not divorcing you (not right now anyway). We all don't know what the outcome would be later on, I guess it should depend on how things go between the both of you (like he said). So, what are you so paranoid about? HE IS STILL WITH YOU! Why don't you relax, be yourself, be good & go with the flow. You should be happy that he has NOT divorced you now. Don't push it with this behavior. RELAX!
2007-07-30 13:51:09 · answer #7 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no honey he doesnt love you, u are the one that is confused
he is still arround because he doesnt want to hurt you because he cares for you but, if he is thinking that much about divocer, it really might be the answer. Do you want to be with someone that is confused about the feelings he has 4 u? i dont think so, so , help him and help you on the way, maybe if you let him go he will feel the need to stay, but if you are all over him all the time he will try to be apart and well not answering to your kisses and hugs...
2007-07-30 13:33:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should seek professional help and see a counselor to get to the root of why he doesn't try anymore. If it can't be worked out then, separate. Its much worse on you and your daughter if he stays and there is animosity in the house and things are strained between you two. It makes it bad too, because he may resent you and feel obligated to stay because of the child. Make a mutual decision and stick to it.
2007-07-30 13:30:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what sort of person he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Let him tell you everything, whether it's detailed or not. Tell him that you want to be that person, that you want to keep your identity but that you're willing to change and sacrifice for him because you love him. Make sure you know what it is that he's thinking about the possible divorce and why. Talk to him about whatever's making him doubtful.
2007-07-30 13:31:13 · answer #10 · answered by Andrew F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋