I'm 29 and he is 34. We were having a conversation the other day and he stated that it would be ok if I was pregnant. I told him, Ist i am not married, 2nd we leave in separate homes, 3rd i am going back to graduate school. His response is that can be fixed by moving in together and hiring someone to take care of the baby. When I asked him about marriage, he says he does not want to do it again and he is only 90 percent committed to me. He says marriage is just a paper to sign but i do not know how to answer him back. I am extremely in love and hurting so much. I have asked him if there is anything i can do, he says its his problem. But i do not believe it.
Every time I ask him to discuss this further, he is always busy and does not have time.... . Help, I am in pain and cant stop crying.
2007-07-30 13:13:04 · 18 answers · asked by E C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I personally was never faced with such a blatant disregard of my own values, hopes and dreams... You are dealing with an extremely selfish individual. Someone who is not interested in making anyone happy, unless that someone is himself. He doesn't even think that you deserve an explanation for his rejection... Self centered people make terrible partners in life and even worse fathers. Somehow, they never learn about caring, sharing and loving another human being. I don't see how you can continue wasting your life on such an individual... I hope, you will be strong enough to end this one sided relationship, and move on to something better and brighter. He isn't worth your pain or your tears, sweetheart. I will say a prayer for you.
2007-07-30 13:38:26 · answer #1 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He actually said he's only 90% committed to you!?!?! Honey I am so sorry, I'd be hurting too. Honestly, I know it's probably hard to think of leaving him after putting so much of your heart and time into the relationship, but I don't know why you'd want to be with someone who isn't with you over 100%. And if you want to get married then maybe you are with the wrong person. He should be excited about the commitment of marriage and it's not just a signed paper. It's such a wonderful deep commitment and your love for each other truly grows deeper each day in the marriage. Do what's best for yourself and leave him, it'll hurt now, but be worth it in the long run. And when you finally meet you guy, it'll all be worth it and you'll find happiness again. I hope it works out for you!
2007-07-30 13:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really just want to get married, there are plenty of men looking for citizenship out there. He has a right to not get married if that is how he feels.
But I think your question should probably have been, does he love me? Only YOU can answer that, not the people on this forum.
It sounds like the two of you just aren't right for each other. If I were in his position, I would leave because it is obvious that you want someone who shares your interest in marriage and babies. Some guys just aren't into that gig, and there is no sense in judging them for it because it is not some character flaw. It does sound weird that he said he's "90 percent committed" to you. He's either 0% or 100% committed and it has nothing to do with marriage. If he's been married before then he is hurt and you can't possibly understand him if you haven't been through it. Regardless, if you really want marriage and kids then you should move on. Believe it or not, there are still women out there who are not dying to get married and have babies.
2007-07-30 13:31:46 · answer #3 · answered by doubt_is_freedom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, what you have just realized is that the 2 of you have fundamental differences in how you look at marriage. You can't overcome that. You see it as a sacred thing - not just a piece of paper and he doesn't see it that way. You can't change someone's perspective on something so fundamental. And personally, if after that long, he's only committed to me "90%" then I'd say SEE YA!!!! You can take your 90% and shove it!!! You deserve someone who will SKIP down the aisle with excitement over marrying you. I understand, believe me. Before my husband, I dated a guy for 4 years who could never commit to marriage. I'm not even sure why I stayed around except that he treated me so well. But after a while, I felt I couldn't stay and keep SETTLING. I knew I wanted IT ALL - I wanted a guy who would see marrying me as a priviledge and honor....not someone I would have to drag down the aisle! And you should want more as well. I'm sooo glad I broke up with him because 7 months after, I met my husband who is amazing.
2007-07-30 13:24:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to step back from the situation and see that you deserve someone who is as committed to YOU as you are to him! Please don't go any further with this person. You deserve better! Going further and possibly having a baby would mess up your life. Caring for a baby is one of life's most difficult tasks even for two people who are very much in love and married. As far as "hiring someone to take care of the baby" -- this statement shows how out of touch with reality he is! You have to be VERY careful who you leave a baby with because there are a lot of crazies out there. In addition, the people/places that are excellent caregivers cost A LOT! Sometimes around $800 per month! Try to take a step back and really think about your life. If he won't marry you now and he won't marry you if you had a baby, he's NOT WORTH IT! He would probably take off and then you would be left to care for the baby. Don't take this chance! You have so much to do in your future. Wait for the person who loves YOU enough to make a commitment and start a family.
2007-07-30 13:24:07 · answer #5 · answered by PAK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a rule since high school, if a man is not talking about marriage after 1 year--he will not marry you. This is ok, if you want a non-committed relationship from him---if you want to be in a relationship that is heading toward marriage, it doesnt sound like you are in one now--I am afraid you will be hurting a lot later on--if he's making you cry now, it will not bet better.
You need to let this one go, for your own good--he's not worth your time in pain and crying!
2007-07-30 13:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by skyward 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two part answer miss...ever seen Gene Simmons and his show Family Jewels...he is the lead from Kiss the Rock Band.
He has been unmarried to playmate Shannon Tweed for 23 years and they have two kids. Their love for each other makes them stronger.
In your case, he is not a sensitive man, only thing I would consider is counselling at this point. If he cheats 10 % and you do not allow this then maybe being apart from the beginning is the correct move. Hard to say as I am not you. Wish I had the honor of knowing how to treat that lady in your problem he needs a course.
2007-07-30 13:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by a_ladies_dream_18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only 90% committed to you? And what is the other 10% doing??? You are in a lose/lose situation if you stay in this relationship (such as it is.) If you want to be married, tell him that since you are ready and he's not, he needs to leave. He is not to contact you in any way. If/when he ever feels ready to commit 100% he can contact you and if you're free and if you're still interested, you will see him. Then move on with your life. This guy isn't it!!
2007-07-30 13:53:43 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby and marriage are both considered a commitment. So if he can't agree to a marriage, then there's no guarantee he'll commit to a baby. You gotta watch out for men nowadays. They'll say anything for a little feeling and pleasure. But remember, if there's no commitment then no baby. Find someone who will commit to both
2007-07-30 14:14:38 · answer #9 · answered by sportsgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why, then are you wasting your time with him? If he is not 100% commited to you then you need to move on. Now, granted you have only been with him for 1 1/2 yrs. so why are you rushing into a marriage? Those things take time, and your heart has to be fully commited. marriage is not supposed to be onesided, right now he is not ready, so if you really love him hang on a little longer.
2007-07-30 13:33:22 · answer #10 · answered by diablo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋