If my boyfriend isn't sure he ever wants to get married, should the baby have my last name or his?

Question

My boyfriends parent were never married, and split when he was very young, after alot of fighting. My parents were never married, either. I have my father's last name, and he has his mother's. My baby is due at the end of October, should I give it my last name or his? He isn't sure he ever wants to get married. Its not that we are splitting up, he just doesn't see the point.

i never said it was an unstable home, we are both very much comitted, its just a matter of a piece of paper. He will be here for my child, and he will be a great daddy. I am just saying he is only 21 (I am 25)and hasn't really thought about getting married, not sure he wants to.

Answer 1

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, our first son is due in November. He has mentioned marriage, but to everyone's suprise, I actually want to wait a while. We are only 21. Anyways, I will be giving our son his last name, just because it is his son and I want him to have a part of him. Ultimately, it is your decision. It doesn't matter whether or not you will ever be married. It is still the childs father and there are plenty of mothers that make that decision every day.

Answer 2

I say move on. 1. He's 17 years older than you. 2. If he's already been married and divorced, that is a good explanation that he might not wanna marry someone again. He might be scared that it'll end up the same way. 3. If he already has 3, count 'em 3, teenagers, its no wonder he doesnt want any kids. Teenagers suck and can get on your nerves very easily and sometimes ON PURPOSE. Just sit him down and talk to him about it and if you really wanna get married and have kids and he still doesnt want to, then my advice is to move on. Its no need in spending your time with someone if they dont wanna do the same things with you and then you're miserable because you know it'll never happen. I say try to move on and find someone that wants the same thing you do.

Answer 3

Your last name. Your boyfriend is 21, and he's open about the fact that he's not sure his future is with you and the child you're carrying. If he changes his mind at a later point, then you and your child could both take on his last name together. Some people even have special ceremonies for that sort of thing as part of the wedding.

If you are still torn, you might consider giving your child his father's last name as a middle name (even if that means your child has 2 middle names). That way, your child has your last name for practical reasons (paperwork issues, passport stuff, etc) but still gets to carry their father's last name as part of their own name.

Answer 4

As a young single mom the best advice that i could give you is give the baby your last name it makes life a lto easier especially if things don't work out between you and his or her father then you won't have to explain yourself at doctors offices ect about who you are when they try to not allow you in the examination room.... And what happens if you have another child with another man either your kids will have two different names, the same last names or a double hyphenated name Whatever you decide good luck :)

Answer 5

Blackmail him and tell him he only gets his name if he marries you.

But seriously, it's really your preference and most people go to tradition. Typically the child takes the father's last name because we live in a patriarchal society. You could always hyphenate as long as the names aren't long or weird. If there's a chance you might get married, then you should choose your boyfriend's name, and then you'll all have the same last name someday. It might make it easier for legal reasons if he has the same last name as his father. Most people assume that you're the mother, but they may not know he's the father unless they have the same last name.

EDIT: Not sure why I got 3 thumbs down, I was only kidding about the first part. Geesh.

Answer 6

Hmmm . . . if he isn't sure he will ever want to get married, he shouldn't be having a child with you. But anyway, the problem is that the older the child is the harder it will be for you to just change their name. So make up your mind in advance. If you really don't see you two ever getting married, just pick whatever name sounds better (if there is a major difference). Good night!

Answer 7

Yours! I think either would be fine,but you are the mother and I believe it is only OLD tradition that gives a child the FAMILY name.... You have two different names, so why not be your name.... you end up doing most of the work... especially carrying the baby for 9 months. Good luck!

Answer 8

I have a situation very similar to yours. My bf and I are not married and I don't believe we ever will be. Not that we won't make it but we just don't see the point. We have a 3 yr old daughter. We agreed that she would have my last name. He is on her birth cert. But he thought it was best for several reasons, his estrangement from his family stuff like that. I think it's a personal choice and whatever you think is best for your child. Good luck and congrats on your baby!

Answer 9

i ended up giving my son both last names, i was in a great relationship with his father but we werent married so i did both... good thing cuz he found another girl and totally abandoned his child, i'm newly married and will eventually change his last name to the same as my husbands when he is adopted. good luck, this was a hard one for me.

Answer 10

Well, personally, I would probably give the baby her father's last name, if we were intending on being serious.
If the father showed no interest in the child, or wasn't a fitting role model, I would give the child my last name.