continued....?

Question

so here you are breaking the chain,
losing something you thought that would never changed.
you start to lose the protection,
she use to give but now she's slaying.
your the one she's starting to hate,
because,she is the one you tried so hard to not to save.
you kept the poem she wrote you,
she tells you to read it every night,
that's something you'd never try to fight.
she wished you stayed,
every night she becomes more afaid,
that you will lose your ways,and push her away.
her innocent heart and eyes,
makes you want to die for every single lie.
you told her not to cry,
but you assume she does,because,every day yall slip away,
and the connection starts to die.

Answer 1

Wow, that was breath taking!

Answer 2

You may not think it important, but spelling and grammar "are" important in poetry. Words are all you have, and when you say "would never changed" or "she use to give", you hurt your poem...would never "change" and she "used" to give. and "yall"?

Your poem is not bad, but it could use editing for spelling, grammar, and a little trimming on some lines. For example, line two:

"losing something you thought that would never changed"
could read:

"losing something you believed everlasting"
or
"changing something you thought would never change"

you could also trim places like:
"you told her not to cry but you assume she does"
to read:
"you told her not to cry but assume she does"

Do you see how it flows better the second way? Sometimes less "is" more.

In any event, edit it a little and I think you'll have a nice little poem. You have a good poetic voice, it just needs a little tuning.

keep writing

Answer 3

very poiniant but whats the question

Answer 4

nice

Answer 5

i like it.