Can anybody help me edit my story?

Question

Can someone help me edit my story? The length of my story is 6 chapters, and about 55 pages. It’s story is about a girl who doesn't know her biological mother and lives with her biological father. She falls in love with a boy and secretly date him, without her father knowing for about 2 years. Then the father finds out that they have been dating after the girl became pregnant. The father gets mad and doesn't like his daughter's boyfriend. Later, they get along after the girl fakes her death. My AIM and yahoo screen names are realxdragonxfire. IM me there and we can edit my story threw there. Please and thank you. Serious answers please. Also, if you want to read my story, here’s the link:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheGhostOfYou/

Also, you don't have to answer or email me to say that you want to help, you can just IM me.

Answer 1

A good place you can go to find someone who's willing to help you is a yahoo group called YoungWriter's101. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

i did not examine the whole tale, yet I guess everybody else did not too. I merely examine little tidbits of it. besides, the story became, like HarryPotterFreak reported, too plenty telling and no showing. i'm not probable partial to rebellious toddlers and medicines and all that form of stuff yet any style tale may be plenty greater greater ideal if there became a plot and communication in it. a good e book ought to make you ask "what's gonna happen next?" and "Oh my gosh! i won't have self belief that merely occurred." i'm additionally an aspiring author and seek writing counsel from everywhere in the internet. I recommend which you think of which you're writing to your self and then ask your self "What do form of stuff might i admire a e book to have?" It helps me that way. To "tutor and not tell", you ought to tutor me that he does not care what human beings think of approximately him and not tell me. How? right this is an occasion: particularly of asserting: "the only guy or woman that has ever overwhelmed me at each and every thing i've got ever tried with my existence at is this newborn in my classification named Frost," try showing it via putting greater action and flow: "As Frost slides in direction of the seat next to mine, I moved added faraway from him as I probably might desire to. He regarded blankly on the board with that indifferent expression on his face which he had for as long as I submit to in recommendations. I sighed secretly, remembering each and all the circumstances he had overwhelmed me at fantastically much each and every thing I do, and he became the only guy or woman who had ever controlled to try this for the duration of my finished existence. on occasion I choose i became the recent newborn, the recent toy of the class, or despite they known because it, on account that I never have been given the prospect to be. the instructor faucets savagely on the board, making my coronary heart bypass 2 beats." yet do not take my be conscious for it because of the fact i'm not an authority author. i'm nonetheless studying.