My one year anniversay with my husband is August 2nd. We have planned for awhile now to go stay at a hotel by the beach from the 2nd to the 4th of August and just have fun! Now, his step-dad is meeting his long-lost son for the first time on the 4th and wants the whole family there. This sucks! It ruins our anniversary because I was looking forward to spending the whole weekend with him. Plus, his step-dad's side of the family treats me badly. They treat me as if I am intruding and I don't belong. Am I being completely selfish about this????
2007-07-30 11:40:45 · 33 answers · asked by Damon ♥ Elena 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I don't think you are. Your hubby needs to realize that you, too, are his family and that your realtionship should come first. Especially, if you two already have these plans made.
It's unfair of his step-dad to expect you two to drop your plans and cater to him and his request.
I would talk with my hubby and let him know that there will be many more anniversaries, but you will NEVER celebrate your first anniversary again and that his family should have notified you in advance if they wanted to have this get together. If he is insistent, then just don't attend his family thing and let him go by himself.
2007-07-30 11:45:18 · answer #1 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋
This is something that you and your husband need to work out. I think it is more about you feeling mistreated than it is about the anniversary itself. What kind of relationship does your husband have with the step father? It is different if the step father was part of his life since he was a young child, or if he did not come into his life until he was a teen or adult!
If this is a long lost son, why was he lost? Does you husband really want to meet his step brother, or is he getting pressure to be part of a show?
If you folks have made plans, unless there is a good reason, you should do what you were planning. Tell his family that you are sorry, but you already have plans for that weekend, that you made before their invitation.
You are not being selfish. When you marry, you need to do for each other more than for family. Of course, if it were something different, like a death of a family member, it would be selfish to not adapt. In this case, you and your husband need to work it out!
2007-07-30 12:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, normally I'd say no because your anniversary is YOUR special time, but this is an extenuating circumstance. First, you're getting to go on vacation for 2 days before your husband's step dad shows up, so plan for the "YOU" time to be then. Plus, long last dad meets long lost son and family joins in happily? How can you hold that against your husband and his family? He has a right to happiness and it seems like he is choosing to meet this man, so be happy and supportive. If you still REALLY have a problem, talk to your husband...but to be upset about it is really taking away from his chance at a family reunion as well. Plus, you can always take another 1/2 year anniversary vacation...or you'll have plenty more in the future.
2007-07-30 12:49:43 · answer #3 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think that since you already made these plans that you should not feel guilty one bit. I just got married 3 weeks ago and during my honeymoon, his family had a family reunion planned. We were asked to go, but declined because we needed to be alone. I would not feel guilty for wanting to be alone with you husband. Besides, I think a moment like a long lost son thing should be low key anyway. It would give them more time and space to re-aquaint if there wasnt an audience around. Have Fun on your anniversary and dont worry so much about what everyone else thinks. This is your marriage and you two control it!
2007-07-30 11:53:06 · answer #4 · answered by mlock123 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You ARE being selfish but, as his wife, you have the right to be selfish and want to spend the weekend with him!
Try to find out why your husband feels compelled to go? Talk to your husband and find out if he can get out of it.
At worst, you should still be able to spend 8/2, 8/3 and the morning of the 4th together. Are the hotel and the family gathering within reasonable driving distance?
In the end, neither you or his family should make him choose between you and family! Somebody needs to compromise or relent.
2007-07-30 11:48:32 · answer #5 · answered by Matt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you have his family treating you poorly that definitely makes things more difficult and I can understand why you feel the way you do.
However, I'm going to side with his step-dad on this one. The only reason I say that is because an event has surfaced that only comes around once in a lifetime. Though your anniversary is very important, you'll have more of them to celebrate.
If you keep your chin up and be the stronger player, you'll come out looking much better than if you were to try to buck the thought of going on the 4th. I know it's not easy, especially given their treatment of you, but in the long run I think it's for the best to give in on this one.
2007-07-30 11:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by Beth 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
How close is your husband to his step-father? Does he regard him as his father? These are some questions you should think about before saying no to the family gathering. And If you were planning to be away until the 4th, why not come home a little earlier in the day and still be at the family gathering. Your whole weekend doesn't need to be ruined just because your step-father-in-law wants everyone to meet his son.
2007-07-30 11:44:39 · answer #7 · answered by mark my words 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋
How about going away the first thru the third and going to the family function on the fourth.
And I would tell your husband, in a very nice tone, that you would prefer to keep the visit short, that you don't feel comfortable with his step fathers family. That you feel like they don't like you.
If you say that they make you feel like you don't belong and that you are intruding, your husband might get defensive, and that will start a fight or hurt your feelings even more.
Go with how they make you FEEL (not wanted and uncomfortable) not how they treat you.
You don't want to come off as being the one with the "problem". Don't give them any "ammunition".
If they are mean, eventually it will come back to them.
Remember, what goes around comes around.
2007-07-30 14:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by haleigh's mom 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you don't want to be treated like you don't belong then start putting their needs ahead of your own sometimes. Heres a perfect opportunity for you to do this. You will have many more anniversaries to celebrate. Meeting a long lost son is rather special don't you think. I would want to share in this special time and put these others first.
Yes, I do think you are being a bit selfish.
2007-07-30 11:49:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
As a guy, it seems perfectly fine to me for him to go see his step-dad before going with you to the beach. However, as I've found out last weekend from my girlfriend, from a woman's point of view, missing an anniversary is a big no-no. Try talking to him about it first, but don't, I repeat, DO NOT make it a step-dad vs. you sort of thing. Dollars to dimes, he'll side with his step-dad, since he wouldn't be the one forcing your husband into that situation.
2007-07-30 11:49:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋