My brother has been living with my mom for a year, not paying a dime, not buying food, and he's even stolen from her to buy things for his estranged wife. He borrowed money swearing it was for his child, yet used it to buy some woman dinner! His wife abandoned her kids 6 weeks ago and moved away to "greener pastures". They are still married, have an 8 year old kid, and now I found out my brother is DATING this other woman who has kids.
I said "You shouldn't date until you're divorced. Either be married, or file divorce papers. Pick one!"
He said boo hoo I'm so lonely boo hoo but yet has made no move to file for a divorce.
I think that's just wrong. Am I old fashioned, or is he just doing yet another bone-headed move, avoiding reality?
And what kind of woman would date a married man who steals from his mother, doesn't have a home, and refuses to file for divorce to avoid his wife's psychotic rage?
2007-07-30 10:04:15 · 24 answers · asked by Sabine É 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not angry- I'm just surprised
2007-07-30 10:29:58 · update #1
LOL That's funny- I'm jealous??? I'd kill myself before I ever stole from my mother. I'm happily married.
2007-07-30 10:32:57 · update #2
you are not wrong for feeling the way you do but I'm sure you know he's going to live his life his own way and there's not much point in getting angry about it. That's why we shouldn't sit in judgement of others, you may be right but he doesn't care. You're the only one this angry. Why let other peoples bad choices upset you like this? I'm sure you have enough of your own stress to deal with without worrying about his bad choices. He's wrong without a doubt but you need to let him live his life and you live yours. As for what kind of woman would date him, there are a lot of people who will be with anyone just so they don't have to be alone. Men and women both choose bad relationships over loneliness all the time. It's not right but it's their choice.
2007-07-30 10:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom may be putting up with him because she is lonely. She needs to establish some ground rules and probably set a date for him to be out of her house.
He is an immature idiot and is probably cruising to be paying out child support to this other woman... there are plenty of women out there that go through serial relationships just to collect child support from multiple sources. Your brother needs to at least get a vasectomy to limit his losses.
His wife abandoned her kids?!! And he's abandoned his kids?!! Who is looking after these kids?
Filing for divorce costs money even if it is DIY and filing based on dessertion. Somebody needs to get on that. The kids need support on several levels, not just financial.
2007-07-30 17:19:46 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is indeed making another bone-headed move, avoiding reality.
As far as the other woman, my bet is on the fact he tells her tales of his horrible wife misunderstanding and mistreating him - "the marriage was over a long time ago" kind of lines. She thinks she can offer him the love of a good woman, because after all, isn't that all a good man like him needs? It's lots and lots of reality-avoidance.
My advice to you: do what you can for your niece/nephew, advise your mom to kick his mooching butt to the curb and then stay out of it. Good luck!
2007-07-30 17:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by holzer_marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is being bone-headed and avoiding reality. The more he does this, the more the future will haunt him. With him dating someone else, it will be harder for him to try and get or keep custody of any of his children.....plus the other facts that you stated.
As for the other woman he is dating, doesn't sound like she has her head screwed on just right either.
So NO, you are not wrong to point it out to him.......you are being a person who is concerned for his and the children's well being. And as for him, hopefully he will grow a pair, and start to clean up his act.
2007-07-30 17:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by lorencehill 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your brother sort of sounds like my dad. He is drug addict loser that believes he does no wrong. But at the same time my grandmother, his mother, doesn't do much to tell him different.
So if your mom doesn't care that he is there free loading then what can you do, its her house.
But as far as him dating....well you have to butt out. Its his life. You may not agree with his ways, dating while separated, but its not your life. I know people who have been separated for over 15 years and won't divorce but they live separate lives so who I am to judge or say anything? It makes them happy and it doesn't affect me in any way.
Maybe he doesn't want to get married again and staying married, not divorcing, is his way out of it with other women. Who knows.
Point is, I hope your putting as much effort in your life as you are in your brothers. Life is too short.
2007-07-30 17:22:21 · answer #5 · answered by 3whiskerbiscuits 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
darling...i do not understand what exactly you wan to ask...you have mentioned so many things but did not ask a precise question...
1)he is not working
2)he is stealing money from mom
3)his wife is gone
4)he is in love with a woman having more kids
5)he does not have money for his kid
6)he is not finding divorce papers..
there could be, to my mind just one answer.....your mom keeps the kid and asks your brother to go, work, has a place to live and does whatever he want in his house....
2007-07-30 17:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by cutechick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If their seperated and it seems she has moved on, I don't see what the big deal is in dateing. Maybe it's just sex he's seeking. Maybe the women he dates only want sex. Maybe they don't know he lives with mommy.
I think this is one situation you really have no right placeing blame or even giving a damn about. it's his business, not yours.
IF you feel he's abuseing your mom, and she's too weak to stand up for herslf, then yes, it's your business. And if it bothers you, take hold of the riens and kick his *** to the curb for your mom.
2007-07-30 17:17:13 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say it is morally wrong to be with someone else while you are still married. However, if they are not living together, they are in a separated status. This woman who is dating a married man, probably doesn't know the whole truth... It is tough to judge the actions of others, when we ourselves are not perfect.
2007-07-30 17:10:04 · answer #8 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your mother is ALLOWING him to live there without paying anything and is giving him money then that is HER fault. Your brother is only guilty of taking advantage of his mother's CHOICES.
Your brother's life and marriage are just that, HIS and you have no right dictating whether he dates or not, whether he files for divorce or not.
2007-07-30 18:30:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That one would mostly apply if he was a girl. But since he is a guy it's mostly socially respectable for a guy to want to do the nasty every now and then. Love and let Live. Yes You are Wrong.. But he shouldn't be taking advantage of your mom.
2007-07-30 17:10:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋