Would you pass up the chance of having children, for a man?

Question

What is stronger - the compulsion to have children or the desire to stay with someone you are in love with? Would you sacrifice the chance to have children for a partner that didn't want kids? And would you settle for less with somebody else, because they want children as much as you?

Answer 1

I would think it would be a lot for a man to ask of the woman he loves. If he truly loved her, he wouldnt expect this huge sacrifice which would probably affect the relationship in the long term anyway. I think this question is a very hard one to answer really. How can you settle for less after you have loved someone else so much?
Is this just a question or is it what you are going through?

No matter what, something would be missing wouldnt it? To have children, you would have to sacrifice your love and to be with the one you loved, you have to sacrifice having children?

No, i think you would need to shake this man up, if you truly love each other then he should reconsider!

Answer 2

If I had to choose (which I don't) I would choose to end the relationship with the one who refused to have children because I had such a strong desire to have a family I wouldn't have ever gotten over it. I would not settle for a bad relationship just to have kids though. I don't see this decision as an either or. If you are in love with someone who doesn't want kids and you do, to the point that you will not be ok without kids then keep looking. You can fall deeply in love with someone who wants to have kids. If you haven't met someone like this yet then keep looking. Or if you love this person so much that you (not me or anyone else) can get over never having kids, then get over it and have a great time in this relationship. I can only tell you how I am and I would've never married my dh if he hadn't wanted a large family like I did. I knew that wasn't negotiable for me. I have a great marriage and the large family I always wanted.

Answer 3

There are a few things that I consider important when deciding on who to choose for a life mate. Not someone too spend the next couple years with but someone I would want to committ my life too.
1. Religion
2. Family
3. Politics

When I married my husband he wanted children but due to fertility problems he was unable to have them. Although he was open to the thought of adoption. A year into our marriage after a lot of prayer we conceived our son who is now almost 4 years old. We share the same faith, the same belief in the importance of family and the political affiliation, which no matter how some people might think it's odd a Republican and a Democrat do make odd bed fellows. Anyway, what I am trying to say is this, you need to sit down and think about the three things in your life that are most important too you. Have him do the same, if your points don't match or if neither of you are willing to compromise on anything than I would move on. Not trying to be crass but think about it when you are sitting alone at Christmas when you are in your 60's with no children and no grandchildren just an old man that you love sitting in the rocking chair beside you. Picture that, and think about how it makes you feel. Is he going to be enough for you, if he completes you than go for it. If he doesn't, reflect and think hard about it, and consider moving on. No I would not sacrafice my happiness for someone who would not do the same for me. Who knows if you would be settling for less.

Answer 4

I definitely wouldn't settle for less. I would just find a man who I could love and who would want children. You may feel that you could sacrifice having children and stay with the man you are in love with now, but a few more years down the line and I'm guessing you will regret that decision.

Answer 5

it depends entirely on the individual. i'm a woman who does not want children and have had to let men go who did although it hurt. love and partnership are not just about the heart, they are a combination of head and heart. the head part is the practical stuff...ie you want the same things from life. children is a big part of the practical side. you don't have to settle for less with someone else, you will eventually fall in love again tho it may take time. don't give up the desire to have children for a man or you may resent him for it and your relationship may well break down anyway.then you would have wasted your chance.

Answer 6

I definitely would never settle for less regardless of the situation. I know all relationships require compromise so if I was completely in love with someone and later found out they 100% didn't want children in their future I guess that would be my compromise and I'd stay with them and the great love we shared would be enough. I also realize if you compromise too much it can breed contempt, which is never good, but if I already was in love with the person and that was the one goal we didn't share I'd learn to accept it.
Realistically though I don't think I could be in love with someone who didn't share that same goal as wanting kids - if I knew upfront that's how they felt I think my mind would rule them out as a potential long-term mate.

Answer 7

Anytime. Raising children is a full time job, kids are mostly ungrateful, and not the romantic thing we have in our mind,,, a beautiful, smiling baby, who never cries, never has a fit, doesn't get any bigger, never makes any demands, yadadydya.. They are expensive, ungrateful, selfish, and at 13 know everything... The idea of sacrificing one's life for soccer games, parent-teacher conferences, and holding your breath thru their teen years is a nightmare. Almost all of my friends confess privately it just wasn't worth the hassle, and envy us all of our adventures and lovely time for just us....

Children aren't a compromise. But toooo many people go into it thinking, "Ohhh how romantic, our baaaaaaabeeeeeee" and wake up realizing that their marriage is forever changed, and life for the next 20 years is a time out on their own development.... Read all these posts on here....:"I've been married for 6 years, we have two kids, we never see each other , all he does is work and stay out with the guys, and all I do is stay at home yadaydaydadyayyyy, I don't love him any more, should I get a divorce?????"
Would I pass parenthood up?? Hon, in a heartbeat, and did so, and never, never was sorry...Soooo many things to do, places to go, things to learn, music to hear, adventures to take, and sooooo little time. We all get about 80 good ones. The first 26 or so are to get an education, the next 20-30 to have a great job, find a great partner, and anything after 60 and healthy is a gift to treasure. Kids are forever in your life, the good years are not....

Answer 8

Hmmmm... You know whats funny i was in your shoes. My exhusband didn't want children we were married 5 years before i got pregnant and than everything went down hill because he wanted to be the only baby in the house. I on the other hand wanted kids badly always had and he wanted me to get an abortion which was not going to happen. Anyway to make a long story short, three years later i had my second child and he went beserk. the moral of the story is dont sacrafice ANYTHING for any man or woman because if you cant COMPROMISE than they aren't worth it. GL

Answer 9

I've always been very pleased to be with guys who didn't want children (I never have). When my first husband and I divorced, the reason he gave for not wanting to be with me anymore was because I didn't want kids (and after being together 7 yrs and knowing my mind on that issue since we were dating, he decided it was no longer acceptable).

I could've had a kid to try to save my marriage, but I didn't want children and wasn't going to do that for anyone...love or no love. If our desires in that area didn't match, then we weren't a good match for each other.

I've never regretted choosing to be childfree and I'm 42 yrs old.

Answer 10

If you REALLY want kids then find somebody that wants kids too. It's not settling for less. It's having a common interest with somebody. If a person has flat out told you they don't want kids, then I would think you should move on. But that's just my opinion.