What Should I Do? Should I Pay Him Back Or Not?

Question

First Of All Im 27(28 In October) This Guy Is 45- I ThinkI Should
Pay Him Back- This Guy Was In Love With Me And We Spent Alot Of Time Together - He Took Me Out For Dinner About 8 Or 9 Times (Since We Started Hanging Out In Jan Of This Yr) And He Always Paid- I Never Had Feelings For Him In That Way(Theres Nothing There) Well He Doesnt Want To Be Friends With Me- HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO BE JUST MY FRIEND-HE SAID EITHER I GO OUT WITH HIM OR HE DOESNT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME- ID NEVER HAVE A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM EVER! Do You Think I Should Pay Him Back Or Not? I Think I Should Because That Was Very Sweet Of Him To Do That- I Think It'd Be Wrong Not To Pay Him Back- HE SAID HE DOESNT WANT IT BACK

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINION- I Need Help

I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HIM FOR ALOT OF REASONS- #1 IS HES 45 AND LIVES AT HOME WITH HIS MOTHER( ID NEVER GO OUT WITH A GUY THAT LIVES WITH MOMMY OR DADDY UNLESS THEY ARE SICK OF COURSE ) #2) HE DOESNT HAVE A GOOD JOB ( A GUY AT THAT AGE SHOULD HAVE A CAREER) #3 17 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE-THATS BIG
#4) I WANT KIDS IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS - HE IS TOO OLD #4 HE TOLD ME A WEIRD FANTISY OF HIS

I DIDNT USE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LIKED HIM AS A FRIEND-A FRIEND ONLY- I DONT BELIEVE IN USEING PEOPLE-ITS NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HIM BECAUSE HE HAS ISSUES
HE TOLD ME SOMETHING WEIRD THATS HE INTO AND HE LIVES WITH HIS MOM- NO GUY AT 45 SHOULD LIVE WITH HIS PARENT OR PARENTS UNLESS THEY ARE SICK
HIS MOTHER ISNT SICK
I WANT A MAN- I WANT A GUY THAT HAS HIS OWN PLACE

Answer 1

Be honest with him. You owe that to him for sure.
If he doesn't want to be paid back, don't worry about it.
If he doesn't want to be "just friends", there is nothing to do but move on.

Answer 2

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you pay him back. The "gentleman" invited you to dinner and you accepted. Therefore, he should have paid and you have nothing to feel bad about - ever.

All of the assorted reasons why you feel he is not a suitable partner for you do not matter. You're not into him and you are under no obligation to be either. He will find someone and so will you. Should he insist on asking women out to dinner (despite the fact that you said he does not have a well-paying job) then he will pay for those meals too.




Good luck.

Answer 3

I dont think that you should pay him back. He treated you and you didnt say that you wanted to be with him romantically. To answer your question---No, dont pay back. (on a different note, if you know that someone is interested in you romantically, think twice about accepting dates... saying yes may lead him on) But it doesnt mean that you arent worth treating. You seem like a nice person, just try to let the guy know as soon as you realize you have no attraction towards him... It might make it easier for both of you next time.

Answer 4

My only question is if you had no romantic feelings for him then why did you go out with him 8 or 9 times? You should have had a slight hint after the first couple of times. He doesn't want the money back so just leave it at that.

Answer 5

This guy has way too many statistics his age living at home with parents going no where mediocre job sounds like he could be serial killer to me oh and he has this sexual fantasy he told you about that you dont even feel comfortable enough to elaborate on even with us strangers that you will not likely ever meet dont worry about using him sweetheart weather you know it or not he used you so there is no need to pay him back he used you for your youth your beauty to be able to show you off in public thats the kind of guy he sounds like he lives at home with his parents so his cash is to do with as he pleases you never out right asked him for a loan right? then what would be the need? to pay off what? he got what he paid for it was your company and the status your company elevated him to. you shouldnt be so naive about other peoples intentions you have alot to offer if your friendship isnt enough (and I dont suggest you even try to go there i for one would be scared) then to bad so sad for him. or what at 45 he hasnt learned that woman are not all here for his sick personal pleasures some can be friends why are you good enough as a lover or possible love interest but not as a friend? I would actually be offended by that and it would be a very good way to end the thing you guys got going and throw it right back so "its his fault" he is playing you to the point where out of pity you will sleep wirth him look at what you wrote it sounds like your feeling guilty already he is 45 he has the experience that at 27 you dont have yet he knows exactly what he is doing to you YOU DONT OWE HIM **** but you owe it to yourself to stop whatever you have going with this sicko you never know what his intentions really are he has to much "street" for you take it as a leason learned.

Answer 6

He had romance or at least a sexual relationship with you on his mind. It should have occured to you before now, that this was probably his intent. You should not have allowed him to pay for your company if you were aware of his feelings. Since romance was the page he was on, and you never have been, learn the lesson that you have led someone on and that it was wrong of you to do that. Money now will only make him feel like more of a fool. Bow out gracefully as you can and move on with the intent to not abuse someone this way again.

Answer 7

Sounds like you feel like you may have lead him on by accepting the invitations out to dinner. I think the only thing you owe him is to be honest with how you feel. Tell him you feel bad that he always paid, tell him you have no intentions of having a relationship beyond friendship (for reasons you listed) and ask if there's an amicable way to end your relationship. Chances are he'll be mad/disappointed either way but don't go out with him anymore (especially out of guilt!).

Answer 8

Pay him back for what? The dinners etc.

It sounds as though you are free to not see this person any longer (for any reason - including paying him back).

State your position definatively, don't beat around the bush.

It should go something like this;

"I do not think I would like to get involved with you romantically. I hope I didn't give you that impression, if I did I apologize for that. I hope you find someone that can feel the same way about you as you do them. Until you do I feel it is best if we don't see eachother any longer socially."

Wait for the yelling to stop and get out and away as fast as you can.

Answer 9

Simple, he paid- end of story. He knew going into this that there were no guarantees for anything. He kept taking you out even though you weren't romantic. Just move on and he'll be fine without your money. That actually is more of a slap in the face.

Answer 10

I think that the fact that you offered and he refused speaks very well of you. I would forget about it because this is one of those things in life that will not matter on e little bit in a year or two. I don't know how you conducted yourself when you were with him, but in the future I would decline repeated dates with someon who wants more if you don't feel that way. Saying yes to further dates kinda sends us the message that it might be leading somewhere. (Even if you told us it wouldn't. We're dumb that way :-)

Answer 11

Pay back the guy. I think you were using him. You did not intimate that you were his best friends or anything like that; why would he be taking you out to dinner so many times. You should have asked him. As I say, I think you are a user, and what goes around comes around.