What do you take into consideration, when deciding to give someone a second chance :) ?

Question

If it's a good person?

If this person had/have no intention to harm, hurt or upset you?

If this person had no idea that what he/she was doing was not good for you, does this make a difference?

Thank you for your answer! :) Have a wonderful day/night! :)

Thank you, but this is not about me, I always try to understand and to forgive, and frequentely give people second chances, if I think they deserve them. :)

Some of you mentioned that it's important that the person say he/she is sorry, but do you give them the opportunity to explain, or to say anything?

Answer 1

Isn't there something like: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?" Of course it's much more complicated than that. If one knows the person, truly well enough (over time), & if you absolutely know there was no bad intention, & that the person didn't know it wasn't good for you, of course I'd give them a second chance. Sometimes there can be more than one incident even with a good friend, due to misunderstandings. That's when it's essential to "clear the air" right away while all aspects are well remembered. This recently happened to me with a friend of many years, & although I made contact immediately, her memory was almost 100% different than mine. I have a memory like a steel trap, I remember word for word--& I could point out what she SAID she said couldn't possibly be correct because of various contradictions, well...I've decided to chill out with her for awhile. If this is repetetive behaviour, thanks but no thanks. It also depends on two essential things: Is the person open to discussing & resolving it, (saying they were sorry would be nice!), & what was the degree of harm/hurt. I've found that people who allow themselves to be hurt over & over tend to have what I call a "victim syndrome." I think we need to carefully evaluate each situation.

Answer 2

There are a number of factors you should consider, like the intentions of that person, their awareness of the consequences of their actions, if they were placed into a difficult position by other factors you might not be aware of, and whether you might actually have been mistaken about the whole thing from the start.
I hardly ever give someone a second or third chance when they cheat me, if they try to tell me how they think I should change my life when they don't actually understand my situation, if they trade gossip about me with others, or if they are acting more like a "user" than a friend. It's not worth the effort to play their silly games, and to spoil our moods. If it is a family member or someone who has been close to me for more than 10 years, I tend to be a lot more willing to make allowances.

How do I really know if any of these people are fundamentally "good" or not, since everyone is a mix? If you are not really sure what to do, you can keep in contact, but limit your interaction with this person and what you are willing to do for them. If you do that, you'll notice that some people really don't like you all that much if they can't control or exploit you. The rest are your real friends.

Answer 3

I guess the degree of intentionality comes first. If I reasonably believe it was an error, not an intentional harm, I am more likely to give them a second chance. But if they have a habit of making the same sort of mistake over and over, how can I trust them?

It also matters about the degree of harm. If someone really injured me, physically, I'd find that a lot worse than forgetting to come over when they said they would, or call and explain. But if they are always late, sometimes don't show up at all, and don't call, that is harder to forgive than a completely accidental injury, even a physical one. At that point, you gotta figure the pattern indicates a real thoughtlessness, and you'd better not rely on such a person.

Answer 4

Funny this just got through happening to me. I told someone something I really thought was true and I found out I was very wrong.

Somehow, I got into trouble because of this and I'm truly sorry and hope this person will forgive me because I misinformed my best friend not being all that sure of what I was saying.

I pray my friend of 45 years will forgive me, as I was wrong. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would forgive. But careless words are just that careless words and they should be facts before one say's anything.
They told me I better get my facts straight and that hurt ,but it was good advice for me and others. She knows I didn't ever want to hurt her.

This is a hard fact to learn, that, I was not good for her for this particular mistake.
I will pray for she and her family to forgive me. She is a very good Christian.

Answer 5

I pretty much automatically give a second chance.

However that is, that unless the person has been so abhorrent that I can't stand to be in the same room as them without throttling their last remaining breathe. Fortunately, there are few who do not get a second chance from me.

I hardly ever give a third chance these days.

Answer 6

Well, if the individual was a good person, had no intention in hurting you, and had no idea what he/she was doing was not good for you, then I think I would be the problem for not telling him/her what was going on instead of giving him/her a 'second' chance that he/she knows nothing about.

Answer 7

Hi my Buddie in the end it is ultimately up to you to continue the relationship, friendship etc.....All these things you mention are taken into consideration but if the person is doing what they want and they are hurting who and not giving you good feelings........then you need to stay away.......................

Even if the person means you no harm you still need to keep a distance because something that they are doing in their actions and behavior is upsetting you for have to ask if you should give them a second chance....................

Sometimes even if the person knows in a suttle way they are still doing the same thing and they can not change who they are........and what they are doing its time to distance yourself and interact less with them if you are having negative feelings of hurt by them............

Answer 8

You've said it's not about you. I'm about to express a contrary opinion. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.

When you consider whether to give someone a second chance, you have to consider what you've added to the situation. As the person observing the situation, you're adding your point of view to every perceived event. You are evaluating, and you're judging whether their actions are good for you or bad for you.

Based on your judgments, your deciding on a course of action.

In all of that only you are acting. You are acting based on your judgment. You never evaluate your judgment. You proceed as though your judgment is infallible.

It's a human trait; it's not just you. For the vast majority of us, we do it; and even when we know we do it we can't stop it. And most of the time, we are unaware we are doing it.

No situation is impossible. We just think they are.

No person is beyond redemption. We just think they are.

No person is undeserving of love. We just think they are.

Two great quotes from "The Secret":
"...when the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound, clear and loud than the opinions on the outside, you've mastered your life!"

"No matter what the difficulty is, no matter who is involved, you have no patient but yourself."

Answer 9

You just about said it all my brother. The only thing I could add is making sure I communicate how I feel and what I think and addressing it to that person in those terms. Using you this, or you that will put the other person on the defensive. Good question. I hope you have a wonderful evening.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, I give second chances out to easily. Same goes with third, fourth or even higher amount of chances. I've been hurt by those I love so many times but fear losing them so much I don't even try to do anything about it. I'm a pin cushion, waiting to be pricked I guess. Sigh.