Hello again, I have a question that I have heard the answer one sided I wanted to know if there was anymore opinions before I make a decision... This is the problem my husband & I have been together for ten years. I am the giver of the relationship & he is the taker. With ten years under our belt you would think that things would be different but they are not. I recently had to give him an ultimatum quit drinking or sign divorce papers. Now I am not one to give this choice but I am tired of the side effects of his drinking meaning he gets very violent towards me. I have come to the point in my life that I am tired of letting this go on. What I mean is that I am tired of fighting with a drunk & I am tired of being man handled as you call it. 10 years is enough. Now I love my husband and he is not like this all the time only when he is drunk. I have given everything up in our life for him because of our relationship. Now he has to make the decision if he is going to give it up, right?
2007-07-30 08:47:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The real person, is the drunk one. You are right in giving him an ultimatum. The booze is the mistress. You can't change him..if he wants you he'll do something. If he doesn't you HAVE your answer. He will NEVER change this side of heaven.
Anyone who "loves" you will NEVER hit you. He is not the person you married...or maybe he is and you are just accepting it. You need to get help to see why you choose to stay in a relationship like this...you are paying FAR too much for an adult to adult relationship.
This is not LOVE it's USE...he's using you...and you are getting used up.
Get out, if he wants you back, he'll change without being "prompted", but don't wait for him...you can't afford it.
If you need to talk, e-mail me.
2007-07-30 08:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by Cheryl Durham, Ph.D. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 YEARS??? should not have been allowed to go on after the first episode---10 years ago. I know you are the type to believe a drunk will never do it again---and fall for all the sobbing and crying---but he is not a little boy with a problem--he is a MAN that is a drunk--and uses that excuse to be abusive--YES ABUSIVE. You are NOT his mommy or a nurse--you married for a lifetime of happiness and you got nothing but misery. You LOVE HIM??? love what?? A drunken bum that you are ready to divorce?? You can't let go --you can't make a decision--you think he is the best YOU can do !!Well he is not--he will just drink and carry on after the divorce--he won't change--he will be a problem--so get out!!! I will bet a millions dollars he winds up with another woman--JUST LIKE YOU. Get to walking--you better leave before he hurts you someday. And don't fall for the crying and begging and all the sobbing--- HE HAD HIS CHANCE AND BLEW IT !! A marriage is a 2 person deal--each bringing love and caring and pleasure to each other--sharing the stuff a family unit has to do--looking forward to each new day--you did not have any of this. TIME TO MOVE ON. Good luck
2007-07-30 09:00:17 · answer #2 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him the ultimatum. if he doesnt get help (or take help you have priovided) that your're out. May wanna consider separation. If he can kick the habit go back ..try to stay with family if possible .. I dont want to encourage leaving because its kicking him while he's down. The best way to support is to show him he has a problem and what its doin to your mental and physical state. If he cant come to the realization of his actions ..maybe its time to take actions to leave.
2007-07-30 08:54:39 · answer #3 · answered by Jackofalltrades216 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say, "so long, Buster!" This guy have been given from you all he ever wanted. Now he's out after greater from somebody else. He perspectives women folk as conquests waiting to made via him. He probably even keeps a score card. supply up being thick and %. up on the messages. he's accomplished with you. try to be carried out with him too. i'm sixty 4. good success.
2016-10-01 01:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by shenk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship takes two people 100% of the time.
If he's been a drunk this long, you'll probably have to
deal with this as long as you choose to. Just by reading
this I can tell you've been mentally abused, and I think
it's in your best interest to leave him.
2007-07-30 08:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by sum4182girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And YOU have to make a decision if he doesn't give it up. Never ever give an ultimatum on which you aren't prepared to follow through. You are always responsible for your self. Good luck.
2007-07-30 08:59:44 · answer #6 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your life, you have the right to choose what and how much you are willing to tolerate. Seems silly to put up with abuse or substandard treatment for years, when it's within ones power to change that (either fix the relationship or move on).
Do what's right for you...this life is too short to spend it unhappy if you don't have to.
2007-07-30 08:50:35 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes mama..you really should just move on they dont stop..they only stop if they want to... making him choose only pisses them off more the next time he gets drunk the violence gets worse. You know this... you just aren't willing to admit it to yourself yet. I wasted alot of yrs ..16 to be exact..I look back and and think what an idiot for doing that for so long..Now from what I understand he's doing it to someone else now.. his new wife. Just damn glad it's not me.
2007-07-30 08:58:45 · answer #8 · answered by sweetness 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your ultimatum puts the decision in his hands, now the worst thing to do is give an ultimatum, and not follow through , then continue to complain
2007-07-30 08:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by ann s 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
while your husband has to make the decision if he is going to give up the drinking, you have to make the decision of how long you will wait and wait....and wait for him to change.
2007-07-30 10:16:20 · answer #10 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋